Homemade Overnight Sweet Rolls-- YUM!

A few of you asked for the recipe, so I thought I would share. This breakfast has become a bit of tradition for Ryan and me. We had it for breakfast last Christmas and this year for Christmas Eve/Ryan's Birthday. A neighbor provided this recipe to my mom a few years ago and it is so delicious that it is just a must when you have guests spending the night at your house. You prepare it the night before, so the rolls have time to rise, the next morning, as people start waking up you preheat the oven, bake for less than a half hour and VOILA... YUMMY BREAKFAST!!
My bundt pan appears a little smaller than my mother's, but you just put the frozen rolls in the pan, side by side, with no space in between and they rise into one giant mound of deliciousness.... HERE YOU GO:

Ingredients:
1 pkg RHODES FROZEN DINNER ROLLS(10 to 20 actual rolls)
1 cup chopped pecans
1 pkg regular butterscotch dry pudding mix (cook & serve-- NOT instant)
1 stick butter/margarine melted
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 tsp cinnamon

Directions:

The night before, right before you go to bed, you need to--
grease the bundt pan (this is very important, because you will dump the rolls onto a plate and you need it to just fall right out.)
Sprinkle pecans (crushed, chopped or however you want them) on bottom.
Arrange rolls around pan (remember, do not leave space, you can typically fit around 18-20 rolls in a normal size bundt pan)
Sprinkle dry pudding mix over rolls. (just open package and sprinkle over the rolls)
Mix melted butter, brown sugar and cinnamon and sprinkle over rolls (pour the butter mixture on top, it'll drizzle down around the rolls to the bottom of the pan)

PLACE IN A COLD OVER OVERNIGHT.

The next morning (the rolls will have risen)
Remove rolls from oven and preheat oven to 350. Once the oven preheats, put rolls back in oven and
Bake 25 to 30 minutes.

Immediately invert rolls on to a large serving plate (careful, all the drippings will pour out-- this could get messy)..... and serve warm!!

Everyone tells you....

Communication is key. They all say (who ever "they" are) that if you want a marriage to work, communication is key. If you want to be successful at work, communication is key. It is true. It is 100% true. Absolutely, totally agree. Yep!
It seems communication is a sort of past-time. I won't bore you with the idea of how we are all losing personal communication skills by resorting to text messages, instead of phone calls, or emails as opposed to face-to-face encounters. Let's be honest, we are all busy and this is the day & age we live in. We NEED those handy-dandy communication tools to keep us moving. I hope you don't let it go unnoticed that it is because of these tools that we are communicating more. If it wasn't for facebook would I be able to communicate to so many people at the same time? Would I have been able to keep in touch with long lost friends or family? If it wasn't for twitter would you know what I have been up to today? Ok, so maybe you don't care, maybe I am over-sharing (more on this later) on facebook, maybe my boss shouldn't read this but that's completely not the point.

Communicating is key in most relationships, but it is even more important in business.

Planning our wedding has resulted in a lot of frustration because of lack of communication. I contacted a photographer through his website. He responded-- eventually. I wanted to discuss his services and what we would need and through emails we accomplished nothing, so we discussed meeting up... he never responded again. Needless to say, we will not be using him. He took his time responding to emails and when we attempted to handle business in person he couldn't be bothered to communicate. Ok, fine.
Of course, I am sure a few of you have heard me complain about the one & only rental company in NWA. I initially emailed them to set up a meeting. Met with the owner in person at one of his stores, eventually-- after he finally responded-- and then heard nothing. I was promised to hear a quote and when I finally did it was all wrong. I contacted him again, I waited & waited & waited to receive a response. I scheduled to meet with him in person (he showed up late), we again discussed everything all over again and I was still not happy.

The positive communicating...

I asked for recommendations for a Chicago photographer, for our engagement photos. I received about three recommendations, contacted all three and inevitably went with the one I felt understood what I needed. She was the first to respond. She "apologized" for the down time between booking our session and the next email (which was not necessary, because we did not have a lot to keep in touch about but an apology is always a good place to start), and I felt like she ACTUALLY cared. Now, as you all know I am beyond pleased with my photographer-- amazing! I highly recommend her. . The package she sent us went above & beyond with the lovely wrapping and the thank you note and she is simply amazing!!-- Her ability to communicate was just what I needed to trust we made the right decision.

After being officially annoyed with the linen rental company in NWA I decided to look online. I emailed "Cloth Connection" a simple inquiry. The what-do-I-need-to-do, what-can-you-do-for-me kind of email. She immediately responded in less than 24 hours with an if-I-can-help-in-any-way-let-me-know, thank-you-for-your-email, etc. When I emailed her a second time with a LONG email with information overload included she immediately responded (in less than 12 hours, as I sent the email at about 11pm) "thank you for your questions, I would be happy to look over all of this information and see how I can help, if you do not mind I can tackle this request more thoroughly next week-- after the holiday weekend, however, if you prefer I can give you a very basic overview before this weekend"... Whoa, what?! She actually responded so quickly? She said if I needed her to she would do every thing in her power to help me the day before she leaves on a holiday vacation? WOW! I am impressed that she even responded at all. Major bonus points for sure!

If I have said it once, I have said it a million times, it is the little things that matter most. The simple emails to say "I received your request, let me process it" or "thank you for meeting with me, I look forward to..." or even the "I am sorry"... it is so simple that most people over look how much it actually matters.

Business communicating is important, but Personal Relationships need it too...

Communicating in personal relationships, be it through facebook and twitter, can help keep people together. When you move away from your friends and family, like I have, you feel a lot of distance, but through social media you are able to stay up-to-date on day-to-day happenings that it makes the physical distance not seem so far. I have had a friend for over 25 years. We met in kindergarten and became bestfriends. I moved away in 6th grade, but we vowed to keep in touch. Over the years we exchanged letters, then eventually emails (yeah, when it was finally invented) and became facebook friends 20 years after our friendship began. Due to our willingness to make an effort to communicate, through all the available ways, we stayed in touch for 25years and we now live 45 minutes away from one another. I have seen her two times in the last three months and she was able to call me when she needed my help. Unfortunately, however, it can also result in your Maid of Honor "unfriending" you because you disagree with her status. Perhaps a face-to-face, or even over-the-phone conversation would have made her less defensive, maybe not. Our social media can be a blessing and a curse, but communicating with your friends and family helps keep you feeling close to one another, even through hundreds of miles of seperation.

"Over-communicating"... is that possible?

I mean, I realize that you shouldn't over-share, but are over-sharing and over-communicating two different things? I feel in business relationships you do not need to tell the client how aggravated you are at work (over-sharing) but you do need to let them know that you hear them, you want to help them, it may take time, but you will take care of what you can for them. Under-communicating (if that is how you want to say it) in business relationships will probably result in a pissed off client or you losing out on a client/return customer. They will also probably tell everyone they know about your lack of communication and you might lose out on future clients.
In personal relationships it is more difficult to decipher between over-communicating and over-sharing. I suppose it is it more "What they don't know won't hurt them" or "if I don't care if they find out and it does hurts them" thought. If you don't care if they eventually find out, then fine, don't say it-- chances are you were probably about to over-share, but if you do care, if it does hurt them... this would be a great moment to over-communicate!!

I suppose the point of this post is to say "It really does not matter how busy you are in your day, it is ALWAYS important to communicate with people". I suppose this is my rant on communicating. Who knew I was so passionate about communicating??....


HAPPY COMMUNICATING!!

guest list headaches & all that jazz

I have no intention of writing a blog to explain my actions, my thoughts or to offend anyone. That being said, when it comes to weddings I feel everyone is looking for explanations and drama. The guest list has been one humongous headache since we started, why? Mostly because I have always dreamt of my wedding, long before I was ever old enough to get married. I am a girly-girl right down to the unnecessary emotional breakdowns, the love for glamorous make-up, shoes and the need to daydream. I love day-dreaming about Prince Charming and weddings and babies. Heck, Ryan & I have already gotten into a disagreement on baby names and I am so not even pregnant yet. So, there it is... I said it. I am a girl who dreams big. So my wedding plans have great expectations. On that note it seems I am not the only one with expectations.

Of course I love my parents and I understand they have expectations. I would love to honor my parents wishes, if only it was that simple. So, my Dad has very simple wishes... get married in a Catholic church. That would be fine & dandy, except it's just not that easy. I hold out hope and pray daily that we can have our wedding in a Catholic church, but there is the "what if" factor. What if we can't??

That's where the Guest List headaches started.

If we cannot get married in a Catholic church we have VERY FEW options on locations for the ceremony. Which means we have to fit into the options we have, including the tiny little spaces that only hold about 150 people. Who would have ever thought it'd be difficult to keep UNDER 150 people? Not me. Until I realized I have 90 family members that are probably expecting invitations. (more on this below)... Yes, IF we cannot be married in a Catholic church then we must fit our entire guest list into a very tiny venue. That's where the guest list cuts began. That is where the headaches started. That is what caused 6 more gray hairs to pop up on my head. Ugh!! How can I limit my guest list? So many people want to be there, so many people should be invited... I'd invite the entire world, because I would love everyone to see us get married. However, we are in the "wait & see" phase of the game that God-- or the Archbishop or Pope or whoever-- is playing with us... the game in which, if I lose, I will lose ALL my sanity.

Now, this is not meant to hurt my family or cause a discussion about me not wanting you there (trust me, I know those of you that want to twist & turn my words around into some argument, save the drama for your momma & relax a little), that is not the case at all. I would love to see all my family, especially on my Dad's side because I simply have not seen ANY of you since ... funerals & weddings. That's all we get together for & it's been way too long since the last wedding. I want my family to come and have the best time ever! I want dancing and laughter. That being said there has to be limitation. I know that people will be offended when they find out I have limited the guest list to not include children, but there are so many reasons it is necessary.

So, aside from having to limit due to space for the ceremony here are the other reasons why...
I am one of the youngest of the cousins on my dad's side, which means there are LOTS of children & babies in the family. I am also going to be 31yo when I get married, most of my friends are already married, with children. In fact, I can count on one hand how many of my friends do not have children. That being said, if we included every single child on my guest list the list would have doubled- to an amazing amount of people. Whoa Nelly!! That alone should be completely sufficient in explaining why no children, but I know some of you might need more, so...
We are also having a sit-down served dinner in a Country Club. I have been to so many weddings, I have seen children play under the tables, pull on table clothes or take off running for the bathroom without looking around. I have also been a child who had an entire pot of coffee dumped on me, head-to-toe, and I realize even the most well-behaved children, in the safest of all areas (Grandma's house??) can still get hurt. Isn't it just easier to play it safe? I know those that have kids, for the most part, have already had their weddings. Which means you understand the guest list headaches and the trying to please everyone. I know your children are very important to you-- I completely understand. However, there is always need to draw a line somewhere and this is where I chose to draw it.
Now, most of my friends have already made arrangements for babysitters, even my cousin Melanie-- who is expecting twins in July-- is making plans for childcare, so we do not seem to have an issue yet. However, if traveling to Northwest Arkansas without your children is a problem, please know I am the BEST person to talk to about this problem. If you have questions it is ME you want to direct them to, and I will gladly help in any way, shape or form.

As I said I understand your children are important, traveling without them might seem insane, so please know we are doing our best to accomodate you in every way we can, because YOU are important to us-- and therefore your children are important too. We do not intend to leave children out of every aspect of the wedding, we have even looked-into awesome, family-friendly rehearsal dinners and most importantly... I was the most sought-after babysitter in the area (yes, I toot my own horn from time-to-time), I know people. We have many methods for making this reception a "no-kid-zone, but totally family-friendly" if that makes sense at all. In other words, just because your children will not be AT the reception, enjoying an amazing meal, does not mean you can't come too... We have ways to help-- please just ask!! Seriously, when you hear some of our solutions you will gladly choose to take us up on the offer, just so you can come and your children won't have to be left home alone (not that I think any of you would choose leaving your children home alone). Also, just so everyone is aware, I realize that NOT including children is a very touchy subject, that can result in people "boycotting" weddings. Yes, seriously. I also know that people get very offended on the matter. Please realize we aren't singling any certain person out. We just choose to watch the size of the guest list and choose to play it safe.

Ok, so family & children-- covered. Now the rest of the guest list. If you receive an invitation and think to yourself you are only being invited because we want gifts please understand a few things:
We would NEVER invite someone just to get a gift!
If you don't feel important enough to come to the wedding we do not expect a gift!
We have limited our invitations and therefore we thought that you were one of the few who should be there, for one reason or another, but it has nothing to do with a gift!
We aren't even expecting gifts-- we realize times are tough, we are asking so many of you to travel, gifts are not even at the top of our concerns!
Some of you are probably wondering why I included that?? I never realized people thought invitations meant gifts. It never dawned on me, but I guess it is a concern to others... Here's the best way I can describe the gift/invitation issue:
While gifts are awesome, fun & appreciated, we do not expect them. We do not have everything we could ever want when it comes to kitchen appliances or bedding, but we do have a house, a bed and food for our belly, so we will survive!! September 1, 2012 is not about receiving the most amount of gifts, it is about marrying the man of my dreams and starting a life together as husband & wife. My most precious gift will be the moment we are officially vowed to one another for the rest of our lives. The second greatest gift will be having you there to witness, what I can only imagine to be, the most stressful AND happiest day of our lives!!
Does that cover the guest list questions, concerns and headaches?? Let me be honest with you, guest list concerns have been added to the list of "it could stress me out, but why do I have to let it" items. That list is long & annoying, but at least I can attempt to let go of the stresses of NO VENUE, NO DRESS, NO MAID OF HONOR and the "am I going to piss someone off over invitations". As part of my New Years Resolution that I already began earlier this month, I have decided to Let Go & Let God. I do not want things driving me into tears or stress or anything else. I want to find joy in everything I do, including the joy in the stress of wedding planning. I finally feel FREE & ALIVE!!! Weird, huh?!

This time last year...

Ryan and I had planned to spend the holidays with just the two of us. My Grandma was in her final weeks after a short 8 month battle with lung cancer and of course my mom was spending every moment she could with her mom. I decided to avoid the craziness of the entire family being together, smushed into one place, at Christmas and opted for a longer visit, before the craziness, with just my Grandma & Mom. I wanted to be with her, get in some quality time and avoid the madness that always ensues when the ENTIRE family gets together for the holidays. That's a lot of people in one space & it just always seems to get loud, crazy... I opted for quality time instead. So as Christmas approached, after my visit with my grandparents, I finished some shopping, wrapping presents, and decorated the house. My mom was not home and my dad did his job of pulling out all the decorations and putting the tree up, but it was up to me to make sure Ryan & I had a CHRISTMAS-y house.


Christmas Eve my poor, sweet puppy wrenched his back, some how. Not too unusual for a dachshund dog, but I spent the morning at the vet getting emergency pain-killers and muscle relaxers for the sweetest puppy!! One might think that I am completely insane for how we spent the rest of the holiday week.... Riley could not walk up and down the stairs, so we pulled out the blow-up mattress and we slept downstairs, in the man-cave/basement, on the floor, so my baby would not be alone. Yes, he's that spoiled and yes, I am completely ok with it. I'm a firm believer that dogs are the closest thing to God as they practice unconditional love better than any human being ever has on Earth!! Riley, my puppy, deserved to have a happy Christmas with his best friend (me) and his brother (Reggie) and of course Ryan. He might have been doped up, but he was happy.
So, while my mom was taking care of her mom, I was home taking care of my doggy and we all celebrated a very different Christmas than ever before. Taking care of the ones we love who weren't able to care for themselves, trying to make the best of the situation. To say it wasn't exactly how I ever imagined spending Christmas would be an understatement, but it's not one I would trade. Christmas Eve also happened to be Ryan's birthday. While I tried to take him out on a date-night, that became afternoon (sorry Ryan, but your birthday falls second to taking care of my puppy-- I will make sure it never falls second to Christmas EVE because you only get one birthday a year, but sick/hurt puppy... yeah, sorry, definitely puppy first!) it wasn't exactly the best birthday I could have provided.

Christmas morning we woke up early, opened gifts, ate home-made sweet rolls, and then napped and relaxed the rest of the day. It was pretty nice, actually, just the two of us and the puppies. In a quiet house, relaxing.









Fast-forward....
Christmas 2011. Ryan & I live together now, in our own little house, with our own tiny little tree. I get to spend the weeks leading up to Christmas alone, because Ryan is traveling during the week for work. We will not get to see my parents until the weekend following Christmas (two years in a row not spending Christmas with the parents-- when did I become an adult?? I have not decided if I am ok with this yet)... and we will again have our very own quiet little Christmas morning together. Followed by an afternoon at Ryan's Grandma's house. My first holiday with the soon-to-be in-laws. Yes, I am a little nervous. Holidays with other people's family is very weird. I mean I have had so many holidays with my family that we don't call it "tradition" it's just second nature the way we do things at our house. So to see how other people attempt to celebrate a holiday will never be completely perfect, because it's not the way I'm used to-- that being said it's not that I fear their traditions or that I am concerned they are "doing it wrong" it's just hard to come to grips with leaving everything you've ever known behind and trying to balance it with "strangers." Yes, I know my future in-laws are not "strangers" but since everything is new to me up here it kind of feels that way. Ryan and I will create our own traditions and some how manage to balance it all to a happy median between his childhood and mine. that being said... Buckle up kiddos, this might be a crazy ride!!

Also, Christmas Eve, as most of you call it, happens to be Ryan's 30th Birthday this year. I would like to do something so much better than last year, but being unemployed during this time does not make it easy to do it all. Yes, before you go about doing the math, Ryan is younger than me, but we were born in the same year, so... ShhhhHH!!!!
Any tricks people can offer on how to celebrate 30 in a fun, affordable way?? Let's be honest, I am lucky that Ryan has said "I just want to spend it with you" but it just doesn't feel right. I mean we'll have plenty of birthdays, just us, at home-- I think that's what 31-39 are all about, right?? But then again, being that we are home-bodies at heart... A nice, relaxing, quiet night doesn't sound too bad to me. PLUS, Ryan will be working on the road all this month, so I kind of like having just Julie & Ryan time when we can squeeze it in since he'll be gone 13 days out of the next 20 days!!

Isn't it funny how things change in a year. We went from quiet, just us holidays to trying to meld separate family traditions into one. Celebrating Ryan's birthday alone with my first attempt at a layered cake & an afternoon date, to now figuring in how to make appearances at family functions and also not losing Ryan's birthday to the holiday fuss! It sucks having your birthday fall on holidays or near holidays-- so many expectations to do this or that and people always over-look that it's your one birthday a year!! Crazy to think how this could change, yet again, next year. Ryan & I will be married and who knows where we'll be living and what to expect!! As long as all my holidays, from here on out, are with Ryan I think we can handle it. As long as the Eve of Holidays never out-weighs the birthday celebrating, as long as the loved ones in our life come first to any commercialized celebration... we will survive the insanity that is DECEMBER-- Holiday time!!

What goes up, must come down...

Today's blog post was going to be about the HOPE we have for our CHURCH location. Seems my Dad had a couple conversations with the church that gave us hope. There is something to be said about living in the Bible Belt, surrounded by Baptists when you need a CATHOLIC Church... But suddenly all that hope came to a crashing stop.

I am suddenly without a Maid of Honor. I received a phone call this morning that informed me that I am too argumentative, I constantly belittle my friends and therefore my friends live in fear of ever posting anything on my facebook page (aren't we too old for facebook to be ruining friendships??)... that was the first part of the conversation. I tried to get her to slow down & just talk to me, instead of yelling at me and she told me I am not her mother, don't tell her what to do.
As I attempted to wrap my brain around what had just blown up in my face all I could think was.... what?!?! I was informed that I am basically not a good friend, always looking for an argument and that I took something someone ELSE had said and blew it out of proportion.
***Background: Someone (not my MoH) informed me the reason I do not have a dress or church is because maybe God is telling me to slow down, which-- being stressed out and not expecting THAT response to a post about Albert Pujols-- immediately saw it as ONE MORE PERSON telling me what I am doing with my wedding is wrong and God doesn't want me to get married. << Insert emotional breakdown >> I'll admit it may have been blown out of proportion, but I honestly think it's a bad idea to tell a Bride that God does not approve of what you are doing-- if He wants me to slow down or not get married that is beside the point-- of course there was the added lecture about how if I married Ryan, in the Churches eyes, I'd be marring an already married man-- that of course did not help the situation of me being calm & willing to listen to this particular friend tell me my marriage would be unrecognized by the church & therefore fake.***

I began to sob as the conversation went on, as my former Maid of Honor said it was too much a financial burden, she couldn't commit time, money, or even help in any way shape or form. Ok, I get that. I'm pretty sure we could have come to some solution on how to overcome those obstacles if you wanted, but ... oh wait... here it comes again... She says it has been weighing on her for a while, I'm too argumentative, mean, I hurt her feelings. (I rarely talk to my MoH, let's be honest. I guess she is taking everything from Facebook, because I cannot tell you the last time her & I talked on the phone... that should have been a sign.) Ok, so "slow down, I'm hearing a lot of things, I need to wrap my brain around it".... Her response: "You sound like my father!!" What the hell is going on?? Ok, so she proceeds to tell me how her life is difficult, ok, I understand. I'm willing to listen to you cry about your terrible life, I always have been. What's wrong? Nope, no time for that, we're back to how much I suck as a human being. Wow. This is the least fun phone conversation I have ever had. I do not know where the conversation could have gotten better & quite frankly I had cried enough on the phone. She said she might look back and regret losing our friendship and I could de-friend her on Facebook if I wanted to, so there did not seem to be anything else left to say. It ended with me saying "Good Luck" and hanging up.

Let me just say, I will take 100% of the blame for being a terrible friend. I suck. It's true. Sometimes I argue. Sometimes I pass judgment. Sometimes I just plain suck. I'm truly sorry if that is the only reason you feel the need to back-out on the wedding. But to say to me you're done with the friendship.... that's what hurts the most.
So... I'm without a ceremony site, a dress & now a friend. I did not know wedding planning was this difficult. I didn't know everything I'd lose. What's the point of having a wedding if this is what you have to go through........

So, Ryan, about that eloping.... any takers!?

PS: This seems incredibly childish-- this I understand. This chewing out I received seems to have stemmed from FACEBOOK and statuses about Albert Pujols. I realize how juvenile it is to only communicate with people on social media and how horrible it is to lose a friend over it, perhaps that is why this hurts so much. I never ever thought it would come to this... but as I wipe the tears away because of a friend I lost, let me just say... I still have the love of my life and regardless of ceremony sites, dresses & maid of honor I will marry my best friend, the man of my dreams (& prayers) and everything will be just fine.

To elope, or not to elope, that is the question??

This picture was found by googling Crystal Bridges Images. This is the bird's eye view of the beautiful facility mentioned below!


Ryan & I have been engaged since August. We set the wedding date for September 1, 2012. This date was a fairly easy choice for us. I basically provided him two choices, one being May 12 (our dating anniversary) because it falls on a Saturday and it would be fun to have just one anniversary. Or September 1. That is the Saturday of Labor Day weekend. I like the idea of being married over Labor Day weekend because my parents were married that weekend 34 years ago and I have a couple cousins who were also married over that long weekend-- which seems to be a good omen, they are still going strong. It also happens to be my Grandma's birthday. My grandmother just passed away in January after 8 months of fighting Lung Cancer. It was a short amount of time really, it went by too fast and it's hard to believe she won't be around for our wedding. That being said I called my Grandpa and asked my mom if they would see any problem with being married on Grandma's birthday. Both said they thought it was a fabulous, wonderful, fantastic idea. Ryan decided on September 1, so the planning began immediately.

We decided to get married in Arkansas, because that is where we met and because my parents live there. I enjoy the area because it's not as expensive as trying to tie the knot in Chicago, a lot of "small town" aspects like conveniently having everything right there, but it brings up a few struggles. Ryan & I now live in Illinois, we are ten hours away from all the wedding planning. AHHH!!! The other issue, besides being ten hours away, is that there is not much choice. We are having difficulty dealing with the rental company, the ONLY rental place in Northwest Arkansas, who doesn't seem to understand how important communication is, and then of course we have NO CEREMONY SITE!!! What?!?!?! STILL!?!?! ARGH!!!

We wanted, more than anything, to be married at Crystal Bridges, brand new beautiful museum built in Northwest Arkansas. Unfortunately they will not let us use the facility until 6pm at night. We have already reserved the reception site and I just don't want to have a ceremony at 6pm, then RUSH our guests over to another site for the dinner, dancing & fun. I mean I am a firm believer in tradition and I do not want to see my groom until I am walking down that aisle. For us, waiting until 6pm to do that is not only difficult to wait that long (we actually love spending time together, so spending an entire day, especially our wedding day, away from one another just does not seem right!) Plus it's a waste. We wouldn't do pictures during the day, we wouldn't get to do much of anything, so.... I'm just not a fan of that idea.

So we are still without a ceremony site, which brings up the biggest debate. Should we elope? Can we elope? Will I regret eloping? The thing is we could easily elope and just have a formal reception/dinner/party in September since we already reserved all the reception stuff. We already reserved the site, the flowers, the cake, the DJ... so, can we elope? Ryan's afraid I'll regret it & sometimes I think I will too. I am Catholic. I'm Italian. I have always wanted that long aisle, the stain-glass windows, the hour long ceremony (hey, I'm going to be dressed in a beautiful gown & promising a life time of love to the love of my life-- i don't think a ceremony should be rushed through!!) Of course, the Catholic church will not reserve our date because Ryan is still going through the annulment process, plus all the Catholic churches in Northwest Arkansas are the standard semi-circle church now-a-days. There is no GIANT, beautiful aisle to walk down. So much of the life-long wedding dreams are just not falling into place and so it makes me wonder... do we elope? If I cannot get the perfect dream wedding do I go with just Ryan & me vowing our love to one another in a simple, just us ceremony. I mean it would cut down on Julie-Stress. (Being slightly obsessive-compulsive, total control-freak, and completely prone to emotional-meltdowns and tears flowing a the drop of a pin.)

Our simple red-romance, classic-white, traditional wedding is full of questions, lacking in answers. I realize we are still over 8 months away, but between annulments, no Catholic churches, no ceremony site and ten hours away from it all.... will it ever come together?

A Love Story....

Ever live in a time when you think nothing is going right? You try so hard to be the person you want to be, but it seems something is working against you. Be it God, the universe, whatever. You dream of this perfect job, the perfect mate, the perfect life, but you wake up to something completely different. Some times you wonder if you should give up on your dreams... is it worth it, you wonder.

Don't give up on your dream. Trust me, because this is a true story...


A few years ago I was not particularly happy about my stagnate job, which made me second guess so many of my dreams. I always thought I wanted to be a wife and mother, but working in childcare, with no future progression, made me think perhaps I was not cut out to be a mom. Then again, you spend 8+ hours a day in ONE room with nine Two Year Olds and you'll wonder if you should be doing anything except living at the "funny farm"... just sayin. I was single, mostly because I chose to be single. I had been so jaded over the years that I never wanted to settle for anything less than perfect for me. So between being single, with no love life in sight and working at a place that was more-so birth control than a job, my life long dream of being a wife & mother seemed to be falling apart.

To say I prayed about it would be an understatement. I did not have particular prayers that pinpointed the perfect mate, just someone to love, who loved me and would let me reach that goal of being a wife and a mother. I didn't say "please God let John Doe fall in love with me" instead I said "Please put me on the right path to finding my future, happy self" Little did I know that my prayers were being interpreted differently....

Ryan and I had a discussion the other day, about his days in the Army and how he managed to survive war. He said he did not know how he survived, or why, as he saw others die, was so close to not being here, to never coming home. He said he just did not understand how it was that HE came home, especially when (in his words) he's not perfect, or this other guy had a family, or someone else deserved to go home more than him. (no, Ryan was no being a depressed, emotional mess... he was being realistic. We all ask ourselves "why me?" don't we?? We simply spoke about how we came to where we are now, and I have a theory....) When Ryan was telling me this all I could think is where would I be if he never came home? It dawned on me... I told Ryan he came home, safe & sound, because I prayed for him.

Ok, so that probably sounds insane, especially if you know the whole circumstance. Ryan came home from war and married someone else. It wasn't me and in fact Ryan & I wouldn't meet for 5+ years. So you probably think I'm insane to think the whole point of his return was to be with me, but let me tell you I am a firm believer in fate, kismet, serendipity.... We both took steps we did not want to take, that eventually led us to one another. So here's how I came to my love story theory....

Ryan returned home, married his "high school sweetheart" (although, it's my understanding she wasn't so sweet-- LOL) and worked his booty off at fairly menial jobs, until one day the wife says she wants to move to Arkansas. Now, I do not know how it came to be that her family lived just miles away from my family in Arkansas-- considering neither one of us grew up in Arkansas, but for some unknown reason, or blessing, she wanted to live closer to her mother, who lived in the next town over from my mother. So Ryan & his wife moved to NWA. The story could end there, but it doesn't.... he struggled with finding the perfect job and some how managed to take a job for the US Census (a temporary gig that only comes around every 10 years!) and was having struggles in his marriage and separated from his wife. I'll pause Ryan's story right here.....

I moved to Arkansas, because I was not sure what I wanted to do. I thought I wanted to teach, but I think I wanted to go back to school, because in my mind school was "safe" ... college is safe. No one expects you to have a career if you're still in college and in order to be a teacher I would have to go back to school... but I had a degree, one I was really interested in, but totally intimidated by because I had no idea how to get to that DREAM job you want when you choose your major in college. So I worked in childcare, it was a form of teaching and quite frankly I was miserable. Although, I do have a few families that I have needed in my life, that I met through childcare. I am very thankful for their friendship and allowing me to share their kids, as I refer to their children as "my babies" and co workers who's friendships I truly adore... but the politics of teaching, the being trapped in ONE room all day long, the never being good enough because this parent would do it differently than that parent and you can't please them all..... I found myself without a job and I needed to pay my rent, so I took a temporary gig with the US Census. Little did I know that as my first week came to an end that the cute boy I just met was going to be the answer to my prayers...

I prayed for him. I don't care how he got to me, or why we both had to go through miserable moments in our life to get there, but my prayers were suddenly answered. This cute boy, who, for some reason always seemed to sit by me when he was in the office, was the answer to my prayers. He was completely unaware that it was my prayers that brought him through all the crazy, sad, tragic, depressing, and weird moments. I do not know why we needed to experience the heartbreak. I don't think it was God's way of challenging us, but I think we fought the easy path, trying to make up our own rules, trying to find our own way, that God finally said "FINE! Go that way, you'll eventually get where I need you to be, but it's going to be REALLY tough!"... and totally worth it.

Ryan and I met at some random job, a job that only comes around once every ten years, a job I would not have found if it wasn't for an old coworker. We fell in love. And for whatever reason, be it my new found strength in trusting the path I should be on, or Ryan's belief in me, or just knowing the right people I finally found my dream job, that I was so intimidated by for so long, and Ryan found his dream job too. Now, of course both of us finding our perfect job was going to have some consequences... like long distance relationship, one of us giving up a job-- in hopes of finding it again somewhere new, plus the whole Ryan being on the road thing... but we are doing it together. And I have faith that it will be ok, because I know that no matter the heartbreak, the struggles, the sadness... God will get me to where I need to be, even if I don't know how I am going to get there.

Ryan was the answer to my prayers and I think it is very important it be said. Many of his friends, family members, his sister... they all tell me that he is finally so happy & that I have been a blessing to his life. After ten years with someone who does not treat you or your family well I guess I could appear to be a blessing to them. It is very important that you know I am not just a blessing to Ryan's life, but he is a blessing to me! I know he's happy, but I am so happy too!! I know, for a fact, that I am not the easiest person to get along with, I'm stubborn and emotional. I am opinionated! Ryan is the quiet to my loud. He's the sane to my insanity. He's the easy-going to my obsessive. He makes me laugh when I want to cry. He loves me for who I am and for that I am thankful. He is the answer to my prayers, because all my life I was told I was ugly, stupid and a b*tch, but Ryan tells me I'm gorgeous, fun and amazing! He tells me every-single-day!! I never thought I would ever deserve such a wonderful man in my life. So while his friends & family think I am his blessing, truth be known he is mine!! The answer to my prayers, the love of my life.

For those of you that want that perfect love story, who just want to fall in love, find a mate to balance you, to support you... don't give up! My theory is that it comes in time and if you constantly try to force things to fall into place you might be pushing other things away. Do not let the heartbreak, sadness and struggles push you down, you're on the right track, you just took the most difficult path because-- as humans-- you feel you know what's best for you. Eventually everything will fall into place. Eventually you will find yourself feeling so blessed. Eventually you will have all the reasons in the world to believe in a love story. Eventually your love story will write itself...

Thanksgiving Week

I would have loved to tell you all about days 11-20 in our thirty days of thanks (#30daysofthanks) but quite frankly if I can't be 100% accurate in recalling everything I tweeted about then I will not feel OK about blogging about it. Since Twitter is not cooperating I am unable to look it all up and it is very frustrating!

So, instead of becoming frustrated with trying to blog about #30daysofthanks I will just tell you about Thanksgiving week. My mom & I attempted to wedding dress shop, but I became very upset with the lack of variety. Every single dress is strapless with tons of pick-ups and that is just not me! So after a total & complete bust dress shopping we decided to get our nails done. Mother/Daughter Mani/Pedi day is way more relaxing and fun than dress shopping.
Ryan & I met up with my friend Alaina and we were able to purchase everything needed to make our flower girls dress. Reagan, my gorgeous flower girl, is going to be quite the little beauty at our wedding!! I'm so excited for this dress!! We also met with Eventures, the rental place, for linens, in order to get an accurate quote. Talk about frustrating.... this has been going on for MONTHS!! They have not been able to provide the accurate quote and are completely irresponsible in replying to emails. I was a little more pleased once we met with them again & were able to get on the same page in person! Unfortunately, I do not live close enough to make face-to-face meetings every time I need something or have a question. They will have to learn to respond to emails or it will never work!
The wedding planning is getting better, but the nightmares are getting worse. We have registered-- at Macy's & Bed, Bath & Beyond-- and have seen a sneak peek into our engagement photos, which should be ready by Monday, or sometime next week! Very exciting!! Just trying to freak out less about wedding ceremony site and wedding dress!! It seems to me that -- aside from the groom -- these two things are the most important things needed for a wedding. I'm a little tired of dreaming about being married in jeans & a t shirt and a drunk groom, elusive bridesmaids and everything else that is just falling apart-- in my nightmares.
All in all this has been a fairly enjoyable Thanksgiving week. I am thankful to just have a lot of Ryan & Julie time, FINALLY!! It's very nice to have him around, all the time. Especially after over a month of weekends only!

I hope everyone has had a relaxing and enjoyable Thanksgiving. Spent with family & friends, loved one. I am thankful to have such a great family and so many wonderful friends who bring such joy to my life. I try not to dwell on what I do not have, but sometimes the emotions get the best of me. This being my first Thanksgiving Grandma-Less is just a little tough. But we have memories, recipes and stories to share to make both my Grandma's just a little more near!

Thank you for being YOU. I appreciate you all, for just the little things you add to my life. Love!! xX

Thirty Days of Thanks (the first ten)

So November seems to always bring out the thankful side of people. Yes, we should probably do it every single day, but it rarely happens. So until we have 365 days of thanks, we have 30 days of thanks!! I have been sharing my thanks with my twitter followers, but I thought I'd keep track here as well. So this blog is (the first) TEN DAYS of THANKS. Here we go:
Day One, I was incredibly thankful that I had the opportunity to catch up with an old friend. Heather was my best friend in Kindergarten, and all the way through fifth grade. We were almost always in the same class and I missed her terribly when we moved away. Some how though Heather & I managed to keep in touch. This is shocking, truly, because the Internet was not as accessible back then. Seriously. We wrote letters to one another, sent cards and eventually we created email accounts and attempted to keep in touch that way. Who knew the invention of facebook would make us even closer, even through the distance. So, oddly enough, Heather moved to the Chicago area when her husband was moved here. And I moved with Ryan to the Chicago area. After 25years of friendship and 19 years of living apart we were able to get together. Heather now has three children (adorable!!) and we spent Nov 1 sitting around her house, me holding her newborn son Kaleb, just chatting & hanging out as if nothing had ever changed. What a blessing!!
Day Two, this must have been the start of the breakdown in our heater, because it was so unbelievably cold in our house. THANKFULLY a few Christmas' ago my mom got me a "bed warmer" or a heated blanket. We turn it on so that when it's time to go to bed the sheets are not freezing. They are nice & Toasty! On Nov 2 I was very thankful I did not have to get out of our cold bed, because it was just way too cold to go anywhere.
Day Three, One of my favorite thankful things. I am truly blessed to have bosses who believe in me so much that they have fully supported me moving to Illinois and more importantly my job search. All three people I reported to at the Naturals, from my supervisor, to the Asst GM to the General Manager of the NWA Naturals have all said to me that they would do anything to help me find a job, they will be a reference for me, make calls for me, and do what ever I may need. This speaks such volumes of what they must have truly thought about me and I am so thankful to have such wonderful, supportive people so willing to help who honestly believe in me!
Day Four, Nov 4 was a Friday, so obviously I was incredibly thankful that my love, Ryan, was on his way home after another week apart (for his work). The work weeks are tough, because I WANT to work so much and do not have a job and Ryan tends to have to travel for work, so it leaves me..... bored, perhaps. I look forward to seeing my love every chance I get, so every single Friday is a perfect day to give thanks, that I have a love in my life and that he comes home to me, and he's just as happy to see me as I am to see him!!
Day Five, HA!! I was thankful for insurance. I personally do not have any, but I am very thankful for Ryan's insurance, because in the last month he has had 4 teeth pulled (wisdom teeth, why do we have them??) so between the cost of procedures, antibiotics and pain killers, I am oh so thankful for insurance. Not to mention that in 295 days I will be covered on that insurance and so will our future children!
Day Six, PARENTS!! I have amazing, supportive, wonderful parents! yes, they yelled at us, or punished us, but they never, not once belittled and abused us!! I have a neighbor that reminds me daily how grateful I am for such wonderful parents. I hear my neighbor talk to her children and I am disgusted by her "parenting" so today & everyday I give thanks for the sort of parents who love you, even though you make mistakes, bail you out in time of need, never give up on you and even when you piss them off they still love you!!
Day Seven, Thankful for photos and videos of my puppies. I miss them probably more than I miss my friends & parents. Mostly because they can't talk on the phone or possibly know how much they mean to me. I videoed my pups and took hundreds of pictures of them. Everyday I look at the pictures. Everyday I see their little paws, faces, noses, tails and everything fabulous about them!! Don't worry puppies, I am coming home to see you soon!!
Day Eight, I spent the day with Erin, my future-sister-in-law. We just wandered around, shopping, hanging out. It was great. I grew up with one brother, who I do not always get along with, who doesn't seem to treasure our relationship nearly as much as I do, so having a sibling isn't always fabulous. Erin makes it so easy to hang out, to just be "sisters" and that is quite a blessing.
Day Nine, So many heroes in our world. I am thankful for all that serve our country. Not JUST the military, although they do hold a very special place in my heart. Fire fighters, police officers, people so willing to do for others, to give their own lives just to protect ours. What a blessing to live in a free world, that is provided to us by people who do the things we would not want to do ourselves. First Responders, Military & every day heroes, THANK YOU!! Specifically my Dad & Ryan. Amazing men!!
Day Ten, Grandmas. So, I've said it a hundred times before, but life really is not the same without Grandmas. I was 24 when my Gram passed away. She was the epitome of everything Grandma's should be. She never yelled at us, she always let us do whatever it was we wanted (including throwing her waxed fruit center pieces around the house) and she fed us til we wanted to puke. She made everything about family & love!! At the beginning of this year I lost my other grandma. This one is not at all the same as the other, but just as great none-the-less. See, she was the sort of wife who made sure a hot dinner plate was sitting at the table when grandpa got home, the sort of wife who always did the cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, etc. Towards the end of her life she was not able to do these things and Grandpa had to learn... wow! That was something to witness. But you know what, it was during these "weak" moments in her health that I saw how strong she was, truly. She got angry at me for checking on her all the time-- even cursed at me when I called my mom to tell her about a chemo treatment. She was NOT to be taken care of, she was the one who was suppose to take care of us. She was a pistol too. She never took no sh*t from anyone. She was the sort of woman who would put you in your place if you did something she did not approve. She might have served people & did all those anti-feminist things, but she willingly did it and if there was something she did not want to do, boy did she tell you!! I guess I always WANTED to be more like my Gram, but I think in reality I might just be more like my Grandma and I don't really think it is a bad thing. I guess you could say I had two wonderful grandmas who taught me how to love & how to be strong. How lucky am I?!

Nightmares, really? Is it necessary?

I am just counting down the minutes until I need to leave to pick up Ryan from the airport. These weeks away for work are pretty annoying for me, considering I moved up here to be with him and, granted I see him more than I did when I was in Arkansas, weekends are just not cutting it. When I was in Arkansas I ONLY saw him once a month, so I should be thankful for this extra time, but I can't wait for him to just be home, every single night!! So while I'm sitting here I thought I'd take a moment to blog...

I am trying to stay positive on the job front, but going from working INSANE hours to nothing is really taking it's toll on me. I might not miss the 110 degree summer spent outside running around and sweating, but I do miss the fun-- working in baseball is FUN!!! Who knew?! And now that ALL of baseball is over for the winter I am heart-broken by the lack of things I have to entertain me. I would love to get back to work, to have time to get wedding planning and Ryan being away off my brain! Seems the nightmares have gone into full effect on me.

Yep, NIGHTMARES! As in, I dreamt that my hair & make up people did not show up (which is so not like them, they are like family-- uber reliable!!) I did not have a dress, so as I had a break down, crying, in my jeans and a t shirt on my wedding day while Ryan is too drunk to console my emotional meltdown. What is that about?!!??! Something tells me I need to find a dress, before I lose my mind completely. This Thanksgiving break I would like to get started on getting the Saved the Dates and the dress. Plus, Ryan & I keep talking about starting the registry, but we have yet to start, which means if we don't BY Thanksgiving then we will have to wait until January-- after the holiday madness. Plus, don't even get me started on not having a ceremony site or people not returning emails and phone calls. It's all starting to weigh on me and I need something to get my brain off the stress of it all, so I can have pleasant dreams.

Well, just two hours to go until I get to go pick up Ryan. I am going to pause this blog until next week, gotta get ready... Our big plans this weekend? To do nothing. Just relax & enjoy our time together. Can't wait... =)

week in review...

So as to not get so behind on my blogging, here goes a week in review.

Ryan drove me down to Arkansas, since he had to work in Kansas City for the week. I was able to put a deposit down on the flowers-- so excited, I think they will be beautiful!! I also met with my friend Alaina Carlton, who is starting a business--kinda, it's not exactly something she will make a living doing, but it is something she loves to do and is pretty talented-- Carlton Crafts. (Go "like" it on facebook. She's got fun, crafty things that she hand makes). Alaina is going to hand-make my flower girl's dress. I am so excited for it, because I think Alaina is going to successfully make my vision and it will be beautiful!! My Reagan is gorgeous, fun & sassy and this dress is totally going to fit her-- perfectly!!

I was also able to go out with a few co-workers from the Naturals to take in game 1 of the world series. After beating the crap out of Justin's arm, a few laughs, a few more beers and a WIN I had enjoyed a fairly good, relaxing and productive week in Arkansas. I went to get a mani/pedi as well, totally expensive beyond belief and not at all worth it. No more spa/salon mani/pedis. Just a nail salon works for me. thank you.

After driving back to Illinois we were exhausted and in need of some much needed beauty rest, because we had our engagement photos on Saturday. I got the name of a photographer from a friend of mine, sorority sister, Maggie. We met with the incredibly sweet photographer (Christy Tyler, christytylerphotography.com) yesterday, downtown, on the Navy Pier and we had an amazing time. She was full of compliments and I am so excited to see what happens next. We should have photos in a month-- around Thanksgiving. YAY!!

All & all, not too shabby. Ryan's watching last week's the Walking Dead because it's on tonight, before my Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion, part 2. Lazy Sunday? Yes please.

Don't Talk about MY life, because YOU don't know...

Rant of the day has absolutely 100% to do with my life, so I will say exactly what I think, without holding back...

I have become frustrated with people commenting on my life, thinking they know what I am actually going through. No, I guess you could say I have never had it "tough" or struggled through a life without 100% support of my family-- my incredible parents!! But that doesn't make my life "easy"... so don't assume you can add your two cents about how I'm just "spoiled" and if only I "knew what tough really was" and whatever else YOU think you know.
Excuse me if I'm not cheery and doing cartwheels every single day. I left behind my parents, my puppies, my friends, my job-- just to be with Ryan. Do I regret it? No. I love Ryan and I would give up everything to be with him (obviously) but that doesn't mean I have to be happy all the time. There is no place in this world that has it ALL, but think about this, my entire life was here in Arkansas, except Ryan. His entire life is in Illinois, except me. So what is one to do?? How does one fix that problem? The idea of giving up on Ryan was NEVER an option. I count my blessings everyday that I have him-- who else would love ME, for being ME!
--Without being incredibly mushy and gush about everything I love about him, let me just say I honestly believe there is someone for everyone and he balances me, embraces me, supports me and completes me. I'm lucky to have found that-- so no, I'm not letting that go and no, I do not regret letting other things go in order to keep us together.

That being said, there are things you should know about me, before you assume you know. I went to college & I studied Communication. And told every single person I met that I wanted to work in Events and planning for Nascar or Baseball. I wanted to plan things like the Cardinals Winter Warm-Up or plan meet & greets. I also wanted to help plan interaction in charity events. These were the things I said I wanted to do, the things I went to college for and got a degree in. It is what I spent 8 years after college trying to work my way into it. And then came the Naturals. Where I did community relations, planned all our interaction with the community, through donations, or appearances. I did the on-field promotions at every game. And I was sold. It was EVERYTHING I thought I wanted to do and it was everything I expected it to be. I had finally found the job I was looking for to kick start my career in the field I studied in college...
Now, can you imagine working 12 years to get somewhere, just to get there and then choosing to leave it behind??? I knew Ryan was never happy in his job in Arkansas, and I supported him following his path that could lead to his dream career. I told him to go for it, after he said he wouldn't. I sent him away with cards and emails, telling him I believed in him, and although I cried a lot when he left, I knew it was what he had to do.

I would love a job I love, not one I have to do just to get a paycheck. But coming to terms that I left behind the job I loved and now may have to settle on a paycheck job... to say it's heartbreaking would be an understatement. So if you're going to open your mouth to comment on my life, why don't you use that moment to say a prayer, that I find my career in Illinois, so Ryan & I can be together, both employed, both happy.
PS: I love baseball. I love it has a fan and as an employee. so on that note: GO CARDS!!!!

Season Wrap Up...

Ever been so incredibly excited, yet so scared? You're on the edge of all these wonderful things that are about to start in your life, but you have to leave all the wonderful things behind....

The season has come & gone. And while I will be the first to admit the 80+ hour work weeks took a toll on me-- left me exhausted and cranky-- I might miss them... a little. It is hard to believe that the first home game of the season & all the excitement and nervousness was ONLY 5 months ago and now it's officially the off season again. I cannot believe that I am on the verge of packing up all my belongings and moving far, far away from this place...

Normally, every fall, I get a little sad when baseball season ends. How will I make it to spring? When do pitchers & catchers report? UHhh, football season?! But this time, I'm leaving behind my job, my friends & my family and I am moving to Illinois. The decision was easy, but it doesn't make moving any easier. I absolutely dreaded every single day apart from Ryan when he moved, but that was short-term. Now, long-term, I am leaving behind my puppy doggies, my parents and the few good friends I have here, and headed to a place where all I have is Ryan. He's lucky I love him & love spending time with him-- or I'd be dreading ALL the time we will now share, but I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather share my everyday with... lucky me!! I guess it's a good thing I said YES!

Our wedding webpage is up: http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/JulieMaletto&RyanFitzpatrick
... and everything is falling into place. Our wedding party is complete, our reception site is reserved, Ryan's annullment is in the works and I officially scheduled our engagement photo session in Chicago-- very excited about that. (Our photographer was highly recommended by a friend, and once I contacted her I knew she was who we needed for our photos-- so sweet & incredibly talented!)

So besides wedding planning and moving.... I'm officially on the job hunt again. Searching for that career I love, this time in the Chicago-area!! So many changes, so incredibly terrified, so humble, thankful & happy!! I cannot wait to move... I think!

Late August Rant...

Letter to the Idiot in the Left lane:
Hey, you, in the left lane, going 68mph in a 70 zone. Yeah, you just putzing along like I'm the bad guy for riding your tail... I would appreciate it if you didn't play your stupid little games, that when I am FORCED to go around you in the right lane you then choose to speed up to 80mph!! Don't think it goes unnoticed that you're an idiot and you suck at driving. I hate you and everything you are, you suck at life.
Love, Julie.

I'm Happy, sorry you are not....
For those of you that truly know me... you know that I spent many years being jaded and hurt, you know that now I am very happy, and I feel so blessed!! I can tell who my true friends are, I can tell my family loves me too, because you know that after thirty (30) years of life's ups & downs Ryan & I deserve to be happy, together!! For those of you who cannot be happy for us, you can choose to find my happiness annoying and you can choose to drown your jealousy in warm beer, but I just ask that you find a way to move on in your life and find happiness for you, don't try to bring our happiness down!! We're in a good place! Good luck.

Here we are, now where do we go?

I am at the end of the road. I spent the morning cleaning out my desk. Don't worry friends, I still have a couple more weeks here, but it is just approaching so quickly. We have two more homestands: Aug 17-22 and Aug 27-Sept 2. Then IF we make it to the playoffs we might have an extra week or two of work. It hit me yesterday when I was scheduling appearances, I asked Katie "so when's our last day" to which she replied "I was going to talk to you guys about that tomorrow or Thursday"... leaving me without a definite answer of when this whole thing ends.

I knew when I was hired this was a seasonal position, of course I jumped at the chance, because in this economy you can't hold out for everything perfect. This has been a fabulous spring & summer. I would have never traded the experience and the fun I have had this season. I wish it didn't have to come to an end, but of course there is a part of me that is so happy it is going to end. I have been patiently waiting for a perfect job opportunity in Chicago (which may, suddenly, become Columbus, OH-- I can only hope...) that would rescue me from Arkansas and let me be with Ryan. He left at the end of March and obviously, if you follow me on twitter or facebook, you know how hard it has been. I honestly thought this would be a piece of cake. I was going to be so extremely busy this summer with games, appearances, etc that I wouldn't even have time to miss him. But I obviously found time, made time. While I cannot believe how quickly the season has flown by, how quickly the end of my job is approaching, it is the exact opposite when I think of how long Ryan has been in Chicago. It feels like forever since we had more than a quick weekend together.

So, I sit here, wondering if I have a job in a month, wondering if I'm suppose to be applying in Columbus or Chicago, wondering if everything will eventually work out or if I will constantly struggle through the rest of this year-- or more-- just to get to the future I have been dreaming about. You know the one.... married, babies, not living in Arkansas ... In case you're curious, why the italics around the state in which I live, it's simply because I feel it's not JUST a state, but a state of mind. We all know this place has a reputation, I will be the first to admit I was incredibly hesistant when I moved here. There are parts I have absolutely grown to love and others I could simply do without. Either way when I say Arkansas I do mean the dreadedness of all the things you hear about this place that make you want to NEVER tell anyone you once lived here-- for a long time. (I thought this was only suppose to be a year or two.... 4.5 years later.) Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad I randomly ended up in this place and I am so glad Ryan randomly ended up here too... Makes me happy. =)

That being said, though, how long do I have to wait to be employed closer to Ryan, how long til we live together and can start our family together? How long til the entire dream comes together? I'm not a patient person and the unknown keeps me from being as orgazined and planned-out as I want to be... i cannot stand the unknown. I've never been one for surprises (unless you can pull off a REAL surprise-- without me suspecting anything) and my lack of patience has certainly gotten me stressed beyond belief.

Where do I go from here? How long do I have? When does the future get to finally become the present? Do I get answers to these questions or do I continue to wonder and deal with the added stress of the unknown... of the future?

Rant of the summer...

I have titled this RANT OF THE SUMMER because, as you can see, I have not been around to RANT, so here it is-- all summed up in one blog.

When I was younger my mother informed me "you can not get married until you're at least 25"... I do not know why this conversation came up, but it did. And that was the age she placed on "acceptable marrying age". I never disagreed and I'm 30 years old, still unmarried and completely OK with it. But I see these YOUNG kids getting married, having babies and I think to myself, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!(this is a generalization, not the truth for EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD) I do not believe all YOUNG marriages are destined for divorce, but there are so many ADULT situations that come up in marriage, in life, that I question if a twenty year old is capable of dealing with, in a serious, mature, adult way. There are some people who mature more quickly, some who have seen the world, seen different cultures and have been exposed to more than myself or anyone else. Then there are those, who grew up in one place, had the same friends since they were little and really have no idea what life is as an adult...... WHY GET MARRIED SO YOUNG???? And more so... why have babies so young??? (that's another rant... parenting? Why have kids if you do not want to parent? Why have babies before you're capable of growing up yourself? ... Do not get me started on this topic. I have seen children used as pawns in divorce, I have seen them neglected while parents "party"... my heart aches for the children who are innocent victims)



Wedding Planning.... Out of curiosity why does everyone think they should give their opinion on what you should do for your wedding?? MAYBE I have been guilty of this in the past, to which I say "SORRY FRIENDS & FAMILY" seriously, sorry. I'm sure there will be more on this topic in future rants, so I will leave it off here.


Job Searching.... seriously, does EVERYTHING have to be done online? I get it, you get a lot of people applying for one job and you do not have time to go through and read every single resume, but I am beyond capable of doing every job I have applied for and I am capable of being a fabulous employee... if you'd give me a chance to show you, beyond my resume.

Heat... Not Miami Heat, although I am sure I could comment for a minute or two on Lebron James, but that's just the Cleveland Cavs-- Mark Price Era-- Fan in me... I mean the WEATHER!! I grew up in Minnesota. I like snow. I like fall with the pretty colors and the cool breezes and the amazing clothes. (I'm a sucker for a good pair of boots and jackets!) I like spring-- it's my allergies that hate spring, but I like it. I have never been a fan of 100+ degree weather, not even when I had full access to swimming pools and days of vacation to use. But now... now I am expected to work in this heat and I'm not just talking about game days. Community appearances, dressed as a hairy mascot, makes these days of summer the worst possible days ever! Can we please, oh please, get some rain, 80 degree weather and a few clouds?? 110 is unacceptable.


SONIC!! When I order a CHERRY COKE I absolutely expect a cherry in my drink. Sometimes they do it and sometimes they don't... what the heck is up with that!!


This is my biggest pet peeve... When people ask "how's it going with Ryan?" and I reply "I miss him, a lot, it'll be another # weeks before I see him again" and they say "well this time will fly by, and soon you'll be together all the time and you'll want time apart, because he'll drive you crazy. I'd give anything for a few days away from < insert spouses name >" .... OK, i get it, your spouse annoys you?! I do not know why you want days away from your spouse, but take a couple days off then, this isn't the SAME THING!! Ryan has been gone since the end of March. I have seen him a total of maybe 8 times, for no more than 30 hours (some of those are hours for sleeping!) and I miss him. A LOT. Don't tell me what I will want EVENTUALLY when right now all I can think about is how much it sucks that I do not get to come home from work, curl up on the couch with him, watch random television. Right now all I want is to hold his hand when we walk to the car or laugh at him when he says something absolutely ridiculous. I want to tell him I love him without having to text it or worse, be on skype & have it break up or sign off on us. I want to walk around this lovely Northwest Arkansas area and roll my eyes at some one who is the epitome of everything Arkansas and hear him say "YEP" because he knows what I am thinking. I feel bad for whining about how much I miss him, because I do realize that there are people who have it worse. I am very thankful I was never around when he was in the Army, because a year or more apart would have been more difficult, but it's the days apart that suck in general. Every single day is a missed chance of being together and life is short and we have no idea how many days we have left in this world. I am thankful that I have an amazing person who wants to spend the rest of our numbered days with me, but I hate that we will never get these days back. So please do not try to console me by saying "eventually you will want him to take a few days away," that's not helpful.


Oh so many rants, oh so little time...