The Greatest gift to YOUR child is LOVE; a parenting rant

First, let me start by saying a few things happened today that made me get irritated and therefore this is a rant. I will start at the end and work my way to the beginning of my day...

This was the last straw:
I received a text that went something like this:
"My 5yo child is not allowed to like cats. My 5yo child came home from a weekend at [the other parent's] house and told me he cannot like cats, because dogs are better. When I asked him if he did like cats my child informs me he is not allowed to like cats."
Now, I agree that dogs are better, however I fully disagree with the situation in which the parent has decided to bully the child. Bully, such a strong word over a cat/dog dispute, huh? Well, maybe not. The other parents in this situation has taken away the child's ability to think & reason for themselves and that really pisses me off. The parent also happens to be the same parent who informed the same child that the child is not allowed to like certain people, in fact the child was informed to hate certain people. This is NOT ok. Children are blank slates, they do not know hate when they are born, they are taught hate.

Side note:
I have raved about my parents in the past, but never did I realize how great they really were until I took classes for ITeRs/ECKeRs in my pre-school/child-care days. We were informed about how we needed all kinds of toys, girls, boys, every race, every culture in order to allow children to learn and think for themselves. We could not force the girls to play with dolls and the boys to play with trucks. In fact, let it be known that MANY boys would chose to play dress up in the pretty princess dresses, more often than the girls did. Back to my perfect parents. When I was little-- one, maybe two years old, I went to the store with my mom to pick out my very first Cabbage Patch kid. And wouldn't you know it.... I picked out PollyAnna, my black baby. Why? Because in my eyes my skin color was much closer to her skin color than it was to all the blond hair, blue eyed babies. I am Italian with very dark skin, dark eyes & dark hair. PollyAnna looked much more like me and that is the baby I chose. Did my mom stop me and say "no Julie, that's not the same color as you" ?? Nope. Did she say "No Julie the white baby is better" ?? Nope. Did she insist that I choose a different baby because of the way it might have made her feel?? Nope. We "adopted" PollyAnna and took her home. My mother never once said you shouldn't want this or like this. She never once shoveled hatred or was unaccepting of any one or thing. Yes, I grew up to hate cats, but that really occurred more as an adult-- when I was attacked by one, plus my allergies do not help. It was not because my mom or dad told me I had to hate them......

So why does this particular parent feel so compelled to bully their own child to hate certain things, people or places? Do you know what you get when you bully your children? You raise your child to be a bully. You raise your child to be close-minded and hateful. You raise your child to never be capable of thinking for themselves and instead to constantly give in to those who TELL them how to feel and act. Why would you want that for your child?

Ok, story number two:
This morning I was woken up around 550am. Not by my alarm, not by the tv, not by Ryan stealing the sheets.... nope. I was rudely woken up by the neighbor. The neighbor who, at 550am, thought it was the perfect time to say "Get your f*cking coat on, I will f*cking leave your @ss here, get it on now!!! Move, let's go, I will f*cking leave you. F*cking hurry up"........ I wish I was exaggerating. I truly wish I was!! I have called child protective services in the past because this same parent has screamed "I hate you" "I never wanted you" and so much worse (including calling her own child a "c0ck$ucker") but child services does not believe this is "abuse" unless it is physical. So you're telling me you can't bully other kids at school, because you might be expelled, but you can come home to your parents and be bullied by them and no one will protect you??
Why would you BULLY YOUR OWN CHILD?!?!!?

Every time you tell a child the word "hate" you are abusing their souls. "I hate your mother" "I hate you" "I hate cats".... you are feeding a child low self-esteem, abusing their minds, their hearts and you are breaking them down. You may not love your co-parent, but raising a child is not about loving your co-parent. It is about loving your child. Raising your child in love. Love them even though they might like cats more than dogs, even though they live with someone you do not like, even if you never planned to have a child-- LOVE THEM! Love them even though they make you late for work, even though you are exhausted and stressed. Love them because they look up to ALL their parents, their mothers, fathers, step-parents, grandparents and they need to know that you love them enough to accept who they are, even if you do not like where they came from, what they like or what they remind you of... they need you to be accepting of them.

More than anything, this world needs YOU-- the parent-- to parent while accepting them and loving them, because if you continue to raise children with hate or by bullying them you will continue this sad cycle of life-- where people hate others based on skin color, sexual orientation and body shape. You will continue the cycle where your child thinks it is ok to take away someone's worth simply because you disagree with them. The world needs you to love & accept everyone and let that be the lesson you teach your child. You need to choose to be positive influences not negative voices. Please remember it is not the child's fault your spouse or baby's momma/daddy left you. YOU may think you are doing the right thing, you may think you know all there is to know and that hatred is the right way, but you know nothing. Because if you knew everything then you would know the ONLY way to raise a child is in LOVE, not hate. It is not your child's fault they are in your life even if you do not want them to be. It is not your child's fault that YOU do not like certain things... let them be free to love, to accept and to be open-minded individuals. Teach them faith, hope and LOVE...

A letter from St Paul to the Corinthians:
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Ok, Ok, we surrender...

My crazy idea was simply too crazy. We did not last 3 days on the 17 day diet. We failed miserably. I blame Ryan. He texts me from work about how hungry he is, then walks in the door and mentions his starvation and need for steak (so he read my blog & now he wants a steak, ok, ok, I get it. Power of suggestion.)
So the diet ended today. We have not had soda yet, but clearly that won't last long. We need to be better about this whole moderation thing. Obviously going from over-eating delicious fatty food to over eating rabbit food isn't the best idea. "Cleansing" vegetables is disturbing by definition.

I just thought I'd let you know... we failed. However, I like to live by the thought that life is short, why be miserable, hungry & cranky while you're alive? I cannot wait to get home to my mommy & have some delicious homemade sauce... Anxiously awaiting my spaghetti sandwich! =)

A couple short updates...

This time last year I had just started my job with the Northwest Arkansas Naturals. I loved that job. I was so happy at that job. Yes, there were ups & downs, long hours, lazy college interns, farmer's tans, but I met such amazing people. I am still in contact with some of my favorite fans, season ticket holders and co-workers. I miss the activities, the running up & down the stairs (cheap workout) and the excitement of the games!! I miss meeting the fans, even miss that smelly ol' mascot Strike. To think that a year ago I was a nervous wreck, praying not to fail or embarrass myself in some way! I survived. I loved it. I desperately miss it.

Aside from being slightly homesick, missing my parents & puppies and missing the best job I ever had... I am surviving. The hardest part of surviving this week has nothing to do with anything Arkansas and everything to do with my crazy ideas.
(Back story)
Ryan has been going on & on about the weight he gained. Everything is fine, then suddenly his pants just do not seem to fit right-- did they shrink? Then came the realization that perhaps it wasn't the pants that shrunk and perhaps it just might be the Italian Beefs and french fries, drinking beers and never saying No to a big, fat juicy steak. It is bound to catch up to you, especially when you turn 30 and the metabolism dwindles down to non-existent.
[Enter Julie's Crazy Idea]
Ryan's been complaining about the few extra pounds he's been carrying around, and I, admittedly, gained a few pounds over the holidays-- as always. So being the good cheer-leading soon-to-be-wife I decided we would do a "Diet"... I personally do not care if Ryan loses the extra weight, my goal is for him to be healthy & live a LONG, HAPPY, HEALTHY life.
So we are trying an actual "diet" this week. We started the 17 Day diet. 17 days of NO CARBS, no added sugar, no fun!! I have seen enough salad in the last two days that I may swear off salads forever. I would much rather run the stairs of the stadium, join a gym (if I had a job & could afford it) or just go for nightly walks as opposed to giving up my beloved spaghetti, bread and ice cream. (Do not get me started on lack of Cherry Coke in my life right now, because I KNOW it is better that I drink water-- I enjoy water-- but I am without Cherry Coke, day 3, if a rant begins on this topic it will get ugly... FAST!)
The diet may have/might made/make us lose a few pounds, I don't know, but I know that "lean" meats and "cleansing" vegetables have very little taste and are pretty bland. I do not know why rabbits enjoy this food. I do know, however, that our landlord won't let us have a dog, so I asked Ryan if we could sneak in a bunny... now I don't just want the bunny to play with and keep as a pet, but rather to sneak all those lame foods I do not want to eat anymore.
I may be sleeping better at night. I might have better skin with all that water. I may not hate the really awesome lemon-fusing water pitcher we bought. BUT I DO NOT LIKE SALAD, YOGURT or lean poultry foods. To think back at this summer, where I lost weight, simply because of my job, all the while eating pretzels with cheese and Pepsi for dinner. I know I have said I am surviving and this isn't THAT bad, but I might've been lying. I'll let you know when the worst takes over and I start stealing little kids candy and sneaking into the kitchen at 3am for ice cream & saltine crackers.
(I'm sure there will be more on this subject soon enough.)

Wedding planning update:
All the To-Do list stuff needs to get To-Done real soon. I know I carry on about being stressed over the wedding planning, mostly because I am doing it, pretty much alone, from ten hours away, I've had issues with my dad always finding a way to make things way more difficult than necessary, a Maid of Honor who has no honor & split, and the Church... ohhhh the church! Can we get the annulment PLEASE! I would love nothing more than to have my dress and reserve the church, once those things happen I am sure I will be a much nicer person to be around-- if you bring me a Cherry Coke.

So, aside from the Diet from hell, wedding planning (still) and desperately missing my old job, there really isn't that much to say... just to keep my fans (Stelli) happy I am sure a rant will surface soon enough and I am sure it will be a doosey.

Happy Birthday Mom...

I could rave about my parents all day long. It's true that my mom & I can argue and get on each other's nerves, but it's probably because we are so much alike. And for that I am truly grateful. I love my mother for everything she is...
I won't bore you with the qualities we share, but I will tell you that my wonderful fiance likes to point out that "I see a lot of your mom in you" when her & I team up against my dad or Ryan. And the eye-rolling, glares and looks they receive, I am sure is just like mom. But my mom is so much more....

She is smart, funny, slightly dorky about things. Growing up she loved the Beatles and Elvis, she introduced me to the "oldies" station when I was growing up and we sang along to the radio every day. She embraced my obsessions, was my taxi driver and biggest cheerleader. She is full of compassion and incredibly giving. She spent most of the winter of 2010 living in Memphis, taking care of her mother. She never left Grandma's side and took care of every little thing Grandma might have needed. She had no intention of ever leaving my Grandma's side, until I called and begged her to come home-- it'd been 2 months and I needed my mommy home with me for my birthday. My mom came home for a day and a half, then returned right back to her mother's side. Unfortunately it was to say goodbye...

My mom is an amazing woman, supportive in everything she does... I love her with all my heart and I am so thankful she is here for me whenever I need her. Happy Birthday Mom!! Thanks for being amazing & awesome. I love you.

It's my birthday & I don't have to cry if I don't want to....

I have basically been dreading this day all week. Not because I am anti-birthday, or afraid of turning 31 (yep, folks, I've crossed over to the down hill slope. Ok, not really, I still have 9 years for that "hill" but still...) but because I have not been looking forward to spending my birthday without Ryan who is out of town for work, again. This all changes next week, from what I am told, but as of right now I am sitting alone on the couch watching Friends reruns on TBS. YIPPEE, it just screams excitement, doesn't it??!
I chose to wake up at a decent hour this morning, as opposed to putting off crawling out of bed after noon like I thought I would do. I text Ryan to say good morning and I was greeted with such amazing friends all wishing me a happy birthday. From text messages to facebook posts, to phone calls with grandpa singing... It was enough to warm my slightly depressed heart. Yes, I'll admit I might not have been looking forward to spending my day alone, but I LOVE BIRTHDAYS. I love ice cream cake and goofy photos, I love random people you never talk to anymore remembering you and wishing you a happy birthday. I love presents, obviously, but I just love the fact that, even if facebook reminds you in big bold letters on the side of your homepage, people go out of their way to say "happy birthday"... it is a fabulous feeling.

However, this would not be a birthday if I did not break down in tears over something. It's true, I might be emotional, I might be a dork, but I typically cry over something. Unfortunately, today, it was over a stupid phone conversation with someone I should always know better than to answer when they call. What seemed like a pretty decent "happy birthday" phone call, took a turn for the worse. I over-shared, which I know I cannot do with this particular person because they will twist my words around and make me into the bad guy. I was talking about my fiance, the man I live with and will spend the rest of my life with, as I was explaining why I am hopeful that Ryan will be transferred some day closer to my parents, where it's slightly warmer and most importantly near the greatest parents in the world, I also mentioned how Ryan & I have discussed the pros & cons of staying here in Illinois. Without over sharing with all of you --because this is about Ryan, myself and our families-- the conversation took a turn for the worst. I was informed I am too judgmental and close-minded. The caller went on to explain that this is just another example as to why I am basically crap! Most people who have known me for a while, even for just a couple months, know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, my feelings are hurt very easily and I can get offended very quickly. I do not ask them to walk on eggshells around me, but hello, it's my birthday!! The conversation with this person took a while to get me to the point of no return, perhaps from a lifetime of practice, and eventually I decided to say thank you for calling, f'off...

Here's the deal people, I realize I have wonderful people in my life, people who see me as a giving, understanding, passionate and compassionate person, but I also know that there are a few people in my life who only see me as a piece of crap, the world's worst human. It just sucks that the information has to come in the form of a "happy birthday" phone call... doesn't it?

Well, I decided enough was enough, put the tears away (thankfully a conversation with both my wonderful, amazing, fabulous parents helped put this all into perspective) and to rejoice in what amazingly wonderful friends I have.... AMAZING!!

My future sister-in-law, who always seems to take care of me in some way-- the sister I never had-- brought me COOKIE CUPCAKES. She has started her own baking business (go like her page on facebook, Sugar N Sass) and her cookie cupcakes are my favorite. I even ate two already. They have chocolate chip cookies and walnuts-- i believe-- and just a smidgen of frosting-- YUMM-O!! She personally brought it over with two more nail polishes, a base coat & a top coat, which I desperately need!! Thank you Erin, you are a fabulous "sister" and I will eat every last one of those cupcakes and paint my nails in my birthday and Christmas gifts.

Erin arrived at the house shortly after the first delivery came to the door. Beautiful flowers from my wonderful fiance'... I suppose they will have to do as a fill-in for him since he is gone. They are gorgeous, I think I snapped 100 pics of all the tiny little details. I know there are Gerbera Daisies and Tulips and spray Roses, I believe... but there is so much more in the bouquet of oranges and purples. They are beautiful. Lucky me, my fiance is amazing and I love him with all my heart.

He may not be here physically, but I never doubt his love for me or how much I love him. He's such a blessing. The flowers are gorgeous and it smell so beautiful in our house, I love, love, love them!

So, knocks at the door aside, I seem to have a record for facebook posts, I swear. While my friend/old-boss would say that all those posts "ruin" the flow of your wall, I do not believe so in the slightest. To me it is a reminder of all the great people God has blessed me with in my lifetime. Now facebook has started to "lump" those posts together, so it cleans up the "timeline" a little more, perhaps Justin will appreciate that, but lumps or not, walls or timelines I LOVE THEM ALL!! It is important for me to reply to them, because it's important to me that YOU ALL KNOW how much you brightened my day. Thank you. I also received text messages from mostly family and a couple of friends, a phone call from my dear friend and crafting/designer friend Alaina, my Grandpa-- who sang to me-- and my Dad (and the earlier phone call from the undisclosed person)... All & all I would have to say, LUCKY ME.

Lucky me that I have such great friends who are so willing to take a second of their life to wish me a happy birthday. Lucky me that I have so many great friends who have some how touched my life throughout these 31 years.

You would think the birthday wishes were enough, but top it off with a special WEDDING GIFT SURPIRSE gift from my awesome friend Kelly, who I grew up with in Minnesota. After sharing that my everyday plates were on sale at Macy's and how my little itchy fingers were aching to purchase them for myself, she decided to surprise Ryan & I by sending us our first set. I love them Kelly, so very much. And even though you meant it for an early wedding gift the arrival could not have been on a better day!! Thank you.

I thought that would be all for the day, I was ready to curl up on the couch and watch a little Jersey Shore (yes, that is my birthday wish, more guidos & GTL) but the phone rang... my future Grandma-in-law stopped by with a card & gift card for my birthday. So very sweet of her! I could not be happierwith these people who are coming into my life. I am now officially grandma-less, (almost a year to the date since my Grandma MaryLou passed away) but to have a Grandma-in-law who is so thoughtful and fun... just another blessing in my life, thanks to Ryan.
So, today, while I might've been lonely, slightly depressed, while I may have received a phone call that I could have done without... today I choose to celebrate my birthday-- I will not cry at my lack of a party, I will not cry oh no... I am blessed and so happy to have made it another year. I am thankful for the most amazing parents, the fabulous fiance and the friends & family I have that made today just a little more special. Thank you. Happy birthday, to me, indeed!!