A Love Story....

Ever live in a time when you think nothing is going right? You try so hard to be the person you want to be, but it seems something is working against you. Be it God, the universe, whatever. You dream of this perfect job, the perfect mate, the perfect life, but you wake up to something completely different. Some times you wonder if you should give up on your dreams... is it worth it, you wonder.

Don't give up on your dream. Trust me, because this is a true story...


A few years ago I was not particularly happy about my stagnate job, which made me second guess so many of my dreams. I always thought I wanted to be a wife and mother, but working in childcare, with no future progression, made me think perhaps I was not cut out to be a mom. Then again, you spend 8+ hours a day in ONE room with nine Two Year Olds and you'll wonder if you should be doing anything except living at the "funny farm"... just sayin. I was single, mostly because I chose to be single. I had been so jaded over the years that I never wanted to settle for anything less than perfect for me. So between being single, with no love life in sight and working at a place that was more-so birth control than a job, my life long dream of being a wife & mother seemed to be falling apart.

To say I prayed about it would be an understatement. I did not have particular prayers that pinpointed the perfect mate, just someone to love, who loved me and would let me reach that goal of being a wife and a mother. I didn't say "please God let John Doe fall in love with me" instead I said "Please put me on the right path to finding my future, happy self" Little did I know that my prayers were being interpreted differently....

Ryan and I had a discussion the other day, about his days in the Army and how he managed to survive war. He said he did not know how he survived, or why, as he saw others die, was so close to not being here, to never coming home. He said he just did not understand how it was that HE came home, especially when (in his words) he's not perfect, or this other guy had a family, or someone else deserved to go home more than him. (no, Ryan was no being a depressed, emotional mess... he was being realistic. We all ask ourselves "why me?" don't we?? We simply spoke about how we came to where we are now, and I have a theory....) When Ryan was telling me this all I could think is where would I be if he never came home? It dawned on me... I told Ryan he came home, safe & sound, because I prayed for him.

Ok, so that probably sounds insane, especially if you know the whole circumstance. Ryan came home from war and married someone else. It wasn't me and in fact Ryan & I wouldn't meet for 5+ years. So you probably think I'm insane to think the whole point of his return was to be with me, but let me tell you I am a firm believer in fate, kismet, serendipity.... We both took steps we did not want to take, that eventually led us to one another. So here's how I came to my love story theory....

Ryan returned home, married his "high school sweetheart" (although, it's my understanding she wasn't so sweet-- LOL) and worked his booty off at fairly menial jobs, until one day the wife says she wants to move to Arkansas. Now, I do not know how it came to be that her family lived just miles away from my family in Arkansas-- considering neither one of us grew up in Arkansas, but for some unknown reason, or blessing, she wanted to live closer to her mother, who lived in the next town over from my mother. So Ryan & his wife moved to NWA. The story could end there, but it doesn't.... he struggled with finding the perfect job and some how managed to take a job for the US Census (a temporary gig that only comes around every 10 years!) and was having struggles in his marriage and separated from his wife. I'll pause Ryan's story right here.....

I moved to Arkansas, because I was not sure what I wanted to do. I thought I wanted to teach, but I think I wanted to go back to school, because in my mind school was "safe" ... college is safe. No one expects you to have a career if you're still in college and in order to be a teacher I would have to go back to school... but I had a degree, one I was really interested in, but totally intimidated by because I had no idea how to get to that DREAM job you want when you choose your major in college. So I worked in childcare, it was a form of teaching and quite frankly I was miserable. Although, I do have a few families that I have needed in my life, that I met through childcare. I am very thankful for their friendship and allowing me to share their kids, as I refer to their children as "my babies" and co workers who's friendships I truly adore... but the politics of teaching, the being trapped in ONE room all day long, the never being good enough because this parent would do it differently than that parent and you can't please them all..... I found myself without a job and I needed to pay my rent, so I took a temporary gig with the US Census. Little did I know that as my first week came to an end that the cute boy I just met was going to be the answer to my prayers...

I prayed for him. I don't care how he got to me, or why we both had to go through miserable moments in our life to get there, but my prayers were suddenly answered. This cute boy, who, for some reason always seemed to sit by me when he was in the office, was the answer to my prayers. He was completely unaware that it was my prayers that brought him through all the crazy, sad, tragic, depressing, and weird moments. I do not know why we needed to experience the heartbreak. I don't think it was God's way of challenging us, but I think we fought the easy path, trying to make up our own rules, trying to find our own way, that God finally said "FINE! Go that way, you'll eventually get where I need you to be, but it's going to be REALLY tough!"... and totally worth it.

Ryan and I met at some random job, a job that only comes around once every ten years, a job I would not have found if it wasn't for an old coworker. We fell in love. And for whatever reason, be it my new found strength in trusting the path I should be on, or Ryan's belief in me, or just knowing the right people I finally found my dream job, that I was so intimidated by for so long, and Ryan found his dream job too. Now, of course both of us finding our perfect job was going to have some consequences... like long distance relationship, one of us giving up a job-- in hopes of finding it again somewhere new, plus the whole Ryan being on the road thing... but we are doing it together. And I have faith that it will be ok, because I know that no matter the heartbreak, the struggles, the sadness... God will get me to where I need to be, even if I don't know how I am going to get there.

Ryan was the answer to my prayers and I think it is very important it be said. Many of his friends, family members, his sister... they all tell me that he is finally so happy & that I have been a blessing to his life. After ten years with someone who does not treat you or your family well I guess I could appear to be a blessing to them. It is very important that you know I am not just a blessing to Ryan's life, but he is a blessing to me! I know he's happy, but I am so happy too!! I know, for a fact, that I am not the easiest person to get along with, I'm stubborn and emotional. I am opinionated! Ryan is the quiet to my loud. He's the sane to my insanity. He's the easy-going to my obsessive. He makes me laugh when I want to cry. He loves me for who I am and for that I am thankful. He is the answer to my prayers, because all my life I was told I was ugly, stupid and a b*tch, but Ryan tells me I'm gorgeous, fun and amazing! He tells me every-single-day!! I never thought I would ever deserve such a wonderful man in my life. So while his friends & family think I am his blessing, truth be known he is mine!! The answer to my prayers, the love of my life.

For those of you that want that perfect love story, who just want to fall in love, find a mate to balance you, to support you... don't give up! My theory is that it comes in time and if you constantly try to force things to fall into place you might be pushing other things away. Do not let the heartbreak, sadness and struggles push you down, you're on the right track, you just took the most difficult path because-- as humans-- you feel you know what's best for you. Eventually everything will fall into place. Eventually you will find yourself feeling so blessed. Eventually you will have all the reasons in the world to believe in a love story. Eventually your love story will write itself...