Today's blog post was going to be about the HOPE we have for our CHURCH location. Seems my Dad had a couple conversations with the church that gave us hope. There is something to be said about living in the Bible Belt, surrounded by Baptists when you need a CATHOLIC Church... But suddenly all that hope came to a crashing stop.
I am suddenly without a Maid of Honor. I received a phone call this morning that informed me that I am too argumentative, I constantly belittle my friends and therefore my friends live in fear of ever posting anything on my facebook page (aren't we too old for facebook to be ruining friendships??)... that was the first part of the conversation. I tried to get her to slow down & just talk to me, instead of yelling at me and she told me I am not her mother, don't tell her what to do.
As I attempted to wrap my brain around what had just blown up in my face all I could think was.... what?!?! I was informed that I am basically not a good friend, always looking for an argument and that I took something someone ELSE had said and blew it out of proportion.
***Background: Someone (not my MoH) informed me the reason I do not have a dress or church is because maybe God is telling me to slow down, which-- being stressed out and not expecting THAT response to a post about Albert Pujols-- immediately saw it as ONE MORE PERSON telling me what I am doing with my wedding is wrong and God doesn't want me to get married. << Insert emotional breakdown >> I'll admit it may have been blown out of proportion, but I honestly think it's a bad idea to tell a Bride that God does not approve of what you are doing-- if He wants me to slow down or not get married that is beside the point-- of course there was the added lecture about how if I married Ryan, in the Churches eyes, I'd be marring an already married man-- that of course did not help the situation of me being calm & willing to listen to this particular friend tell me my marriage would be unrecognized by the church & therefore fake.***
I began to sob as the conversation went on, as my former Maid of Honor said it was too much a financial burden, she couldn't commit time, money, or even help in any way shape or form. Ok, I get that. I'm pretty sure we could have come to some solution on how to overcome those obstacles if you wanted, but ... oh wait... here it comes again... She says it has been weighing on her for a while, I'm too argumentative, mean, I hurt her feelings. (I rarely talk to my MoH, let's be honest. I guess she is taking everything from Facebook, because I cannot tell you the last time her & I talked on the phone... that should have been a sign.) Ok, so "slow down, I'm hearing a lot of things, I need to wrap my brain around it".... Her response: "You sound like my father!!" What the hell is going on?? Ok, so she proceeds to tell me how her life is difficult, ok, I understand. I'm willing to listen to you cry about your terrible life, I always have been. What's wrong? Nope, no time for that, we're back to how much I suck as a human being. Wow. This is the least fun phone conversation I have ever had. I do not know where the conversation could have gotten better & quite frankly I had cried enough on the phone. She said she might look back and regret losing our friendship and I could de-friend her on Facebook if I wanted to, so there did not seem to be anything else left to say. It ended with me saying "Good Luck" and hanging up.
Let me just say, I will take 100% of the blame for being a terrible friend. I suck. It's true. Sometimes I argue. Sometimes I pass judgment. Sometimes I just plain suck. I'm truly sorry if that is the only reason you feel the need to back-out on the wedding. But to say to me you're done with the friendship.... that's what hurts the most.
So... I'm without a ceremony site, a dress & now a friend. I did not know wedding planning was this difficult. I didn't know everything I'd lose. What's the point of having a wedding if this is what you have to go through........
So, Ryan, about that eloping.... any takers!?
PS: This seems incredibly childish-- this I understand. This chewing out I received seems to have stemmed from FACEBOOK and statuses about Albert Pujols. I realize how juvenile it is to only communicate with people on social media and how horrible it is to lose a friend over it, perhaps that is why this hurts so much. I never ever thought it would come to this... but as I wipe the tears away because of a friend I lost, let me just say... I still have the love of my life and regardless of ceremony sites, dresses & maid of honor I will marry my best friend, the man of my dreams (& prayers) and everything will be just fine.
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