The best gift of all...

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays...

I hope this finds everyone enjoying some fun times surrounded by those you love. This year our Christmas is a bit on the quiet side, although full of insanity as we do the big move! We are officially away from apartment living, but still renting. We moved into our house with a gated-backyard and 3 bedrooms on December 22. We now have room for our little family.

This Christmas we sit around the tree at my parents house. Three puppies to fill the quiet times, although their little feet sound more like a herd of cattle instead of pitter-patter, but next year that all will change...

We are so thankful for the blessing of a new life to add to our family.

I am 10 weeks pregnant and man, to be honest, I now have so much respect for people who "keep it a secret" because I have been so sick and so exhausted every single day. Not to mention too excited to keep it a secret for very long.  It has been tough, the nausea, the inability to keep my eyes open, ohh and the mood swings. I read an article in UsWeekly last week, that Megan Fox compared her pregnancy to that of Bella's from Twilight. To be honest, I am embarrassed to have anything in common with her, but that topic has been a discussion in the past. When I am on the couch crying because I just want to feel better, but can't because I just can't kick the nausea I think about that scene.  I can only hope things DO get better as I have been promised, because I refuse to "toss my cookies" after every meal from now until July. Although my "morning sickness" is more nausea all the time-- all day, all night-- then actually being "sick"-- my mother informed me she experienced this for 5 months.

We met with the doctor last week and our expected due date is tentatively set for July 19, 2013. Yes, right in the middle of baseball season. We wanted to share-- it's been difficult keeping it a secret, because we are so happy and so excited. Of course we are early, still, in the pregnancy, so we do appreciate any prayers to get us through all this and to a healthy, happy baby in just over 6 months!!

Merry Christmas everyone... we cannot wait until next year when we are no longer surrounded by moving boxes on Christmas day, but rather dirty laundry, child's spit up, a few toys and a lot of love!!!

Happy Thanksgiving...

It's the time of year again when people give thanks for all the blessings in their life. I know I am probably annoying some with my "30 Days of Thanks" on facebook, but I find it important to my life to just remember all the good things, even if I have to post them on facebook to remind myself of how great life has been to me.

Today, I am thankful for the nurse caring for my puppy-- he had to go in to be "fixed" because he was adopted from an animal shelter. It was time to "fix" him, because, quite frankly, I was tired of seeing his balls all the time. He is like an exhibitionist. Only sleeping on his back, for the whole world to see... sorry Rusty buddy-- put some pants on, cover that up! We hope that this will also settle him a little bit-- maybe make going out to potty a little less about peeing on every rock, bush, tree or house corner (luckily outside, not inside) all the time and a little more about doing your business and coming back in.

We are so thankful for our little family, our little Rusty-pup who brings us so much joy. It's always entertaining to see him chasing his tail, running laps around the living room or just cuddled up with us on the couch. I took Wednesday off from work so I could spend the day cuddled up with him, enjoying some relaxation and letting him rest up. Thursday we will head over to my parents' house for Thanksgiving & maybe Reggie & Riley will like him a lot more (since he'll be on a painkiller and slightly drowsy!)

 

We are looking forward to the holiday season, probably more this year than any other year before... I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving and wonderful time with your family. Please remember if you're out shopping to relax, be safe and be thankful...

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Rusty is growing up...

Our insanely sweet and adorable puppy is growing up. This weekend I was letting him chew on my fingers-- one of his favorite things to do-- and noticed he had a loose tooth. When we finally got him to let us back in his mouth to look it was gone. And then a couple hours later, same story. He's losing teeth, but swallows them so we can't save them for the tooth fairy. He doesn't understand why this is a problem. I tried to explain over & over that the tooth fairy brings money so he can buy lots of toys!

Sunday night Rusty rang the doorbell to go outside to potty. See, we have these chimes that hang at the bottom of our door. Reggie was a good puppy and learned to ring the bell to go out, so we thought maybe Rusty would learn to use them too. They've been up for a couple weeks and today he actually rang the chimes and out he went, did his business and came back in.

October 2012 Tornado

Let me paint this semi-embarrassing picture:
It's a Saturday night, around 9PM or so, Ryan & I are in our pajamas, on the couch, cuddling with the puppy and watching the DVR. Ok, ok, so it was Jersey Shore on the DVR, it's true... I almost died watching Jersey Shore on a Saturday night-- and I'm ok with it.
We are watching TV and this storm is getting insane around us. We hear the rain and it sounds like it's coming into the apartment-- it's coming in sideways-- it's loud and I say to Ryan "maybe we should turn on the weather." So off goes Jersey Shore and I turn it on to Channel 5 News-- you know the news channel with Garrett Lewis. One look at his sleeves and you know if you're in trouble or not... I hear Garrett's calm voice and the only words he says are "there's rotation..." and off go the lights, the TV and we're now sitting in the dark. (A link to Garrett Lewis' update)
We thought about our options, I called my parents to see if they had electricity and we contemplated driving over there. If the electricity was going to be out for hours on end we would just pack up a few things and head over to my parents, for air conditioning and TV... but we opted to stay in. Just go to bed early. Our awesome Saturday night. We were admittedly totally unaware. We walked outside to see if the entire apartment complex was without electricity, spoke to a neighbor, got Rusty to take his last outside break and then went to bed.
I woke up Sunday morning to a few tweets about destruction right down the road from us-- to put into perspective for those who don't know, if you stayed at the Staybridge for our wedding, we live right across the street and down about a quarter of a mile. The most destruction was up the same road as the hotel-- at my dad's office. Maybe a mile from us an entire Doctor's office was destroyed. They lost their roof, some buildings lost windows, and every where you looked trees down. The wind was blowing so oddly it actually spun out a car and caused a bank to lose it's sign.

The doctor's Office

The car that spun

The car went for an unintended ride

Highland Oncology lost windows!

Trees were uprooted, branches were broke

Big trees, little tress... trees on their side.

 

This stop sign was on top of a car last night

We are so thankful that we survived completely intact-- without any harm to us and barely any harm to anyone. We were totally oblivious, the destruction was in a mostly business area on a weekend night-- God was looking out for all of us.

Puppies and prayers...

Wow, two blog posts in two days. I guess you could say I might have gotten the motivation from some where and sadly the start of this motivation stems from a weekend tragedy. A local news caster was involved in a one-car accident that killed him, leaving his wife and beautiful baby with out their husband and father. This newscaster was a bit of a local celebrity, involved in many charitable galas as an emcee and around area he was "known" by everyone. He seemed very approachable probably, partially, due to his faith. He had time for everyone and because of this feeling that we all knew him we all mourn his death with great sadness.

While reading all the loving notes, blog posts and updates I was so moved by his family's blog. His wife kept up with monthly updates about their daughter, posting about things that some day their daughter could look back and see how loved she is and how much she's grown. I thought it was such a perfect use of a blog & I thought to myself... when it's all said & done I want people to look at my blog and be motivated. While saying your prayers today, if you could add in one for his wife & 10 month old baby I know they need to be lifted up in prayer, they need the extra support.

I would love to update you on the News in the life of the Newlyweds... us & our New Addition!! We were married on September 1 and Ryan had promised me we could adopt a puppy if I just waited until after the wedding. September 5 we went to the local animal shelter and walked through all the cages. I immediately saw this adorable face and said "uh oh, I think that's the one" but walked the other way first to be sure I didn't just stop at the first puppy I saw. We walked around and there he was again. A dachshund, red, short haired and sweet as could be... we asked them about the baby. He was rescued on September 1 and wouldn't be available to adopt until Saturday. He was a baby, maybe 11 weeks old and had all the ailments of an abandoned puppy. We nursed him back to health, he went to work with me for a week and spends his mornings playing with his uncles Reggie & Riley.

He's a puppy, full of energy and teething... usually on us, our fingers, our toes, our ears. He's a bit of a monster from time to time and we wouldn't have it any other way. He was suppose to always sleep in his crate, but he was so sick that we immediately gave in and he now snuggles in our arms, while laying on his back, head on the pillow. He is smart, playful and QUITE the jumper -- in fact he jUMpqe.... OK so he jumped up on the couch, attacked my hands, licked the keyboard and then deleted this post (but luckily it saves automatically!!!)

Last night Ryan went to the bathroom and I was cleaning up dinner in the kitchen. We had eaten at the coffee table while watching TV and left our cups of water on the table. When I came around the corner I found the dog-- back legs on the couch, front legs on the table, head in the cup-- drinking Ryan's water. I probably could have scolded him or taken a picture of it, but all I could do was laugh hysterically!!! I'd like to introduce you all to Rusty Charles Fitzpatrick.

Rusty, the brand new puppy, sick & underfed...

I think he feels like he fits in now...

 

Still sick, but at my work-- being adorable & sweet.

 

Now this is pathetic

Monster Puppy-- on the attack

 

I got out of bed to pee, I came back to him in my spot-- just like this...

 

 Happy Boy... we love him so much it's absolutely ridiculous!!

What a difference 6 months makes...

It's been far too long since I blogged anything... the reason being is I just did not feel like I was adding anything to the blog. I was doing a lot of ranting and a lot of ... whining?! I am so over it.

The wedding planning was a headache for a while, but to be honest with you it was WORTH IT! I had the most amazing wedding. I wish more people could have been a part of our day, but it was truly the best day of my life. It was a little warm, it was very rushed (flew by so fast), but it was perfect. So here are the highlights:

• My Matron of Honor Megan was the best support system I ever could have asked for... in a day when I just needed someone to be there for all the little things she was everything and more. I could never thank her enough. Not to mention she looked so beautiful too!
• My mom started crying Friday at the rehearsal dinner and didn't stop until Sunday it seems. She was all kinds of emotions, but always very supportive. I know it was hard for her, because it would have been her mother's birthday, but I think we all remembered Grandma in the best ways!!
• Moments, literally just less than a minute, before I walked down the aisle my dad & I were standing in the lobby... I kid you not my dad pulled out his cell phone to check email/text a client... who knows, but needless-to-say that is a moment he will NEVER live down. I love my dad and I know I am a daddy's girl, spoiled perhaps, I expect a lot, and I will NEVER be able to ever thank my dad for the most perfect day in my life... but he'll never live down the cell phone thing.
• I invited many guests-- family & friends-- and I was blessed by so many people who traveled so many hours to be there for us on our special day. Not too many people know that I was not nervous that day, but I did start to get a little excited (the unknown of it all-- other people calling the shots, starting the procession, taking my mom, my friends from me to get them down the aisle-- i have no idea if we started on time) as it all began, perhaps nervous or maybe anxious is a better word... What calmed me down right before I walked down the aisle? Looking out the window and seeing a co-worker. Knowing that Morgan was out there meant others would make it too-- we had a game that day and with the way the team had been playing it was pure luck that they would make it & with Hurricane Isaac making his rounds the probability of a rain-delay *& a rainy wedding day* was very overwhelming. But there she was, a familiar face of a group of people who I was so thankful could be there!!

There were so many wonderful things from that day, but I do not think I can even fathom keeping track of every single moment... thank you to everyone who helped keep me calm, provided an ear and was supportive & wonderful to us.

I wish I had professional photos to share, but of course we will have a long wait for that... in the meantime I do have a couple pics taken from family & friends to highlight some of the great memories of that perfect day. Of course, starting with the big surprise my dad got me... Reggie & Riley in tuxes!!

 My adorable flower girl made everything more beautiful. I loved having Reagan as a part of our wedding-- she was too perfect!!

 This is the only professional image I have seen as my photographer Erika Dotson uploaded this image on twitter & facebook on the day of our wedding. A cell phone snap off the back of the camera. How perfect.

Good bye & Good luck.

No one ever knows exactly what your life is like-- no one knows everything about you. I shouldn't be surprised when people assume they have any idea what you're going through, what you've been through and what life is like for you and they make judgements about you. The fact of the matter is... while I tend to be an open book and perhaps over-share my life... no one knows the whole picture.

I do not answer to you. I answer to my family and my God. I do not need your approval, for I know that I live my life in a way that when I die I will not be ashamed! I have worked hard for my career and for my heart-- I never regret where I have been and where I know I am going. I believe in fate, destiny and a God that knows more than I ever will, and because of that I trust the path I am on to lead me to where I need to be.

Good luck to you in your life.

I'm a little me & a lot of crazy...

For a little over a week I have been straddling the fine line between the moment that is going to make me burst into tears or go off on the first person that crosses my path. I have attempted to hold it together, for the most part, and I've dealt with a few things that seem to be a test.
I survived opening day, a couple homestands and started to get a few things under control at work-- then surprise! Work became a little more complicated. I think I could manage this if that is all there was to it. I mean everyone has work stress and not everyone flies off the handle at a moment's notice or cries in the boss's office over a sarcastic comment... so there must be more.
Trying desperately to get control of this wedding planning. Every single time I feel like I make headway I am met with the feeling that I might be letting something else slip right through. Will I be able to follow up, confirm and plan this wedding with no help? If I ask for my parent's help I am met with their opinions and the stress of dealing with explaining my dreams to them. It's heartbreaking and frustrating. Ok, so stress at work and in wedding planning... still, I should be able to make it through reading an email without wanting to strangle someone or cry at my desk uncontrollably. So what else is it?
Oh, so about getting a good night's sleep, there's the little problem that 1) I don't get home til late and 2)When I get a chance to sleep I wake up from stress-induced nightmares. Yes, I have not had an official break from work in over 2 weeks yet, I realize that is part of the job, but I desperately want sleep (hence the 8pm bedtime for me tonight!!), no not want, but need sleep! So lack of sleep would definitely change my ability to rationally deal with people, but....
Ryan. Ugh! I could use a hug. The arms of my fiance wrapped around me assuring me that I will survive this and I will be ok... but no. Not going to go three weeks apart again, because we know that it tests me, it breaks me, and I'm miserable... and yet, this is week three. I just want some quality time with my love, without feeling like I am asking for the world to stop spinning. My requests are outrageous and totally inappropriate, right? I just want quality Julie & Ryan time, time with the love of my life who makes me happy and a little less crazy.
I apologize to anyone who has had the wrath of Julie unleashed on them... and for anyone who has asked me the simplest of all questions and was met with a waterfall of tears. I promise I will be ok, I am just a little me and a lot of crazy.
I guess you could say there is a lot of things that might make me feel this way and a lot of things that could be fixed just to help make me more me, but it's a tough and long road ahead of me, just to get me to a day that does not result in emotional meltdowns are terrorizing anyone who might look at me wrong-- but I'd like to start with the hardest one to fix...
Prayers that Ryan gets a job sooner than later, ohhh and that some amazing wedding planner can just come take over for me so that I can get a little stress relief. Plus peace & quiet tonight, so I can sleep a solid 11 hours before work tomorrow. That's all. Thanks.

My love...

I have been struggling with so many things over the last six months. To move away from my friends & family, without a job. Being homesick and torn between being "home" with my family and "home" with my fiance. I never want to choose between the two, it's been so difficult and a struggle for the last six ..... nope, for the last year. I am happy I moved back and desperately wishing and hoping that Ryan finds a job down here, because I need him here with me. The stress and the ups & downs have resulted in me becoming a moody, irritable and pretty much crazy person. I am not the person I strive to be, I am not the person I know that I can be, that I am, because my heart is torn... and because of that I owe this blog to my love...


Ryan, my Knight in Shining Armor, the love of my life, the only person who has ever loved me for me, I am sorry I have been a crazy lady who picks fights with you, who is short with you, who doubts the words you say-- you are the most amazing person I have ever met. Even when I am entirely insane you support me, you love me and you forgive me. I owe you my undying love because you, you have never let me wander in my crazy thoughts too long. I am sorry. I am sorry for all the ways I test you, your patience and your sanity. You are wonderful, supportive, and some days I wonder how I got so lucky, so lucky to have found you and to have you in my life. You are the most amazingly perfect man and I love you. Now & forever.

In order for LESS crazy Julie and more Julie Julie.... hurry home, please. I love you!

Day TWO Update...

I am sure my dear friends are curious as to how things are going & what's going on in the wonderful world of Arkansas. Ryan & I got in Friday night, we unloaded the car and I attempted to shove my clothes in every nook and cranny in my tiny little bedroom. Ryan & I spent Saturday looking at apartments, having lunch, going to Mass and dinner with my parents. Sunday was so bittersweet. My love headed back to Illinois, without me. I am so happy to be here, minus the whole *being 31 & living w/ my parents* part, but happy to be here, where I feel comfortable, around my friends, my great co-workers, close to my family and my adorable puppies. I just feel so lost without my love here, not knowing when I'll see him again, but we'll survive this and soon I am positive we will be together again! (Still Praying!!)

I went back to work yesterday. Last year's job was a seasonal internship, this year... I am picking up at the next level. This is a full-time, year-round position. For some reason even my parents are confused by this... "why do you need an apartment, for only a few months?" my mother said. Um, not sure what you mean, but I am here to stay, hopefully!! I spent most of yesterday doing paperwork and getting caught up on what has gone on since I left. I am trying to take a few thins off Katie's plate, since she's been working her old job, plus a new job, plus more I am sure. I kind of took Katie's old position, so I have been working to pick up on things I remember how to do and to learn a few new things this week. Opening day is only 38 days away... I am excited to get there, to get caught up and to start this season.

Thank you to all my friends who have supported me and helped me! Just being an ear to voice my concerns is a blessing. I am looking forward to getting Ryan down here to stay... if anyone hears of an amazing job opening in NWA or has the ability to pray & be positive that his current job can help us soon I would appreciate your help! Thank you my dear friends...

Going Home

There are a top 5 reasons to getting back to NWA. Of course this does not include the job, because the job has so much to offer it just seems unfair to list it. I mean I am going back to the job. I get to be a fan of baseball. I get to work with all the amazing people. It is going to be hard work, it's going to be crazy and overwhelming, but it is going to get me working & having fun!

The TOP 5 beyond the job are as follows:
5) Less Stress for Wedding Planning!
4) Closer to My Parents!
3) Closer to My Friends-- yay for doing nothing & everything with them!
2) Regular Trips to See Scotty! Scott Edwards, the best aesthetician in the world.
1) My Puppies!! (the most adorable, long-haired dachshunds in the world)

Almost 5 months...

It's been about 5 months since I moved to Illinois. If you have followed my blog, facebook or twitter I am sure it is of no surprise to you that I just have not been 100% happy since I've been here. I love living with Ryan, even if he's a bit of a mess or doesn't wash the dishes the exact way I would expect or leaves his whiskers in the sink after shaving-- we're working on fixing those things. However, to have dinner with him, to laugh hysterically together while watching television, to spend the entire weekend hanging out together-- it is exactly what I wanted it to be.

The problem lies in the during the week problem:
Ryan is gone all week at work. Traveling or not I spend the majority of my week days alone. I want to work, but it's really tough to find a job that makes me as happy as I was in Arkansas. I could have come up here and found (what I call) a paycheck job-- something to keep me busy, that pays basically minimum wage and is fairly mind-numbing. That is not at all what I wanted. If you read my blog post in October, after a couple weeks here, while I was dealing with people who told me to give it a chance, you're so spoiled, blah blah blah, you might remember me getting very defensive. It was not and is not fair for people to think they know what my struggles have been like while I live here. Ryan traveled the first 3 months I was here. Meaning he flew out Monday morning and did not return again until Friday evening. I did not have a job or activity to keep me busy during the week. I sat alone, for 3 months straight. ALONE. In a strange place. Surrounded by people that I have very little in common with and without someone to turn to, because I was ALONE!

Ryan & I discussed how things are working here. We both aren't 100% happy with our house (um, no Air Conditioning, no dishwasher, no kitchen counter/storage, and let's not forget the neighbor from hell). The goal was for this house to be temporary. I was suppose to get a job so we could move closer to it & afford the higher rent (closer to the CITY!) I went to an interview the other day-- minimum wage, part-time, nights, weekends, days, & everything in between-- and it really got to me. I don't want to do a crap job working part-time and have that part-time include nights, weekends, overnights, etc. If I'm going to be working crazy hours why on Earth do I want to do it at a job that I can barely tolerate, when I could be doing that at a job I love... ohhh how the Naturals spoiled me. When Ryan moved to Illinois and I was working in NWA he noticed how during away games I would be sad & miss him terribly, but during homestands I was the happiest person in the world. I was busy, exhausted, but loving it. I thought that I could potentially find something similar when I moved to Illinois, but as the athletes are reporting to spring training, as the countdown to opening day has begun, I knew the likelihood of finding a baseball job was slim to none.

Recently we've been talking about everything from bills, to honeymoon, to wedding planning and even shopping. We live 5 mins from the local mall, but the nearest Old Navy, Banana Republic & Gap (Sephora, Bakers, Aldo, etc) is an hour away. (To put this into perspective for my NWA friends, this local mall here is kind of like the Frisco Station Mall in Rogers-- and the mall an hour away is like the Pinnacle Promenade.) The closest sushi is an hour away. The closest Chili's, for Pete's sake, is an hour away. Why are we living some place that has so little to offer when Ryan's job requires him to travel and I don't work near by, therefore don't need to live here... what are we doing? We discussed how, initially, when he was here and we did the long-distance thing we were only seeing each other once a month and it was draining on our relationship. We weren't happy doing long-distance, but the strain on our relationship was only temporary, because when we were together it was so much better. No, we do not want to do long-distance again. No, he does not want to stay here in this small town he grew up in. No, I don't want to be here. No, I won't settle for a job. So what is the solution?

We discussed it, over & over & over again, for months and months. Ryan knows how much I sacrificed to move up here-- my family, my friends, my favorite job I have ever had & it just keeps coming back to finding a way to fit US with OUR dream jobs. How do we do it? How can he work, I work, & yet we can see each other at least every weekend! We both have friends in Arkansas now, my parents & puppies, who love Ryan as if he was the son they never had (*cough,cough* Just kidding brother! love ya!) Seriously though, they adore Ryan. We are planning a wedding from 10 hours away & it is very stressful, because I cannot be there (my dress came in today-- I would love to rush over & pick it up, but I cannot, therefore my mother has to & I have to sit and wait-- so not fair.)Yes, finding someone you love & can spend the rest of your life together is very important. Giving up, sacraficing, compromising, these are very important factors in making it work with someone you love... but it cannot be your entire life, entirely.

So after talking about it we decided I needed to reach out to my old bosses at the Naturals and see what I could potentially be doing out there. I expected a response like "we'll keep you in mind, but we have nothing open right now," but instead I got "we don't have exactly what you're looking for, but we definitely have something we believe you could be successful at and let us talk it over..." And before I knew it I was agreeing to a job offer and planning my move. We are still waiting to hear from Ryan's boss on how they will work with us, but I have to say yes... this may have been more exciting than saying "yes" to Ryan AND the dress. (love you honey!)

I am moving home, to NWA. I never thought I would want to live in Arkansas so much, I never thought I would be so excited to do this again, but I could not be more happy (well, until we hear from Ryan's boss)... I am actually packing up my car with all my clothes and heading down this weekend. I start on Monday! On Monday! It's what I have been wanting for 5 months, but now that it is happening it seems to be happening so fast... I am moving back to NWA and starting the job! Thank you Lord for all the great blessings in my life!!

Amazing fireworks on a Friday Night at Arvest Ballpark

NWA Naturals players killing time before FIRE WORKS

My Easter/Spring Wreath

I just could not find a wreath for our front door on Pinterest that I liked enough to try and make, to replace my beautiful Valentine's wreath. So my loving fiance took me to Hobby Lobby and as we walked around and noticed that the Spring/Easter stuff was on sale. I started collecting things and this is what I made:

What I used:

A SMALL Cone Shaped wreath (too big and the doors wouldn't shut)
Metal Tulips (purple polka dots on one side, lines on the other)
Cone Shapped Styrofoam (had to cut it flat for the back)
The Green "Grass" for Easter Baskets
Different color Ribbons
Pretty Easter Eggs.

We got everything from Hobby Lobby, used a bit of HOT GLUE to secure the ribbons and eggs, shoved the Tulips into the styrofoam, put the green "grass" around it to hide it, tied ribons around (the picture doesn't detail it much-- there is ribbon wrapped around the edges of the wreath and bows tied randomly in front). Then made a make-shift hook out of ribbon and hung it on the door after the glue set. It's pretty & spring-y... It may not be up to Pinterest standards, but I did it on my own while walking around Hobby Lobby. Do not forget to use your 40% off one regular priced item coupon (bring up their website on the phone when you check out, if you didn't print it out) and wait til everything else goes on sale.

I am just now starting my crafting ideas and hope I can get better as I try & try again....

Happy Saint Valentine's Day...

To all my loved ones, thank you for such a loving and blessed life. Every person who has given so much, to sacrafice for my happiness, thank you. Every person who has supported me through years of never knowing what I wanted to do, be or how to love so easily, thank you. Valentine's day is not just for couples. I hate people who think it is... I hate "Single's Awareness Day." See, I spent years alone on Valentine's day, but never sat around feeling sorry for myself. Not one Valentine's Day did I sit alone and cry. Not one Valentine's Day did I declare it to be "Single's Awareness Day" because it's not.

Valentine's Day is a holiday, perhaps slightly skewed from it's true meaning, much like Christmas has been for so many decades. No, it's not about gifts, flowers, cards... it's about love. The love you give, the love you receive, the love you have in your life. The family members who have always loved you unconditionally, the dog who loves unconditionally so much better, the friends who pick you up when you are down, the people who bring a smile to your face when you aren't sure you remember how to smile.

Today is just a day where every love you have is magnified by a trillion. Don't let the loneliness you feel outshine the beauty of what love really is, in this life, it is the only hope we have for better tomorrows. I am sure you all think "easy for her to say, she has a man." First, I do not let my status define me. Being single or coupled on this day does not make me better or worse, stronger or weaker. Secondly, sometimes I feel like that single girl, the one who watched all her friends get married, have babies, and go out on dates while I sat at home wishing I could find someone to spend those moments with... sometimes I still think of myself as the girl left behind while everyone else had all those things I dreamed of having... then I realize I have finally been blessed with a lifetime of having a Valentine to spend my days with, every day. Although that is never who I see myself as...

My Valentine, the love who somehow managed to find me in a big mess of the world, Ryan. We are exactly 200 days away from our wedding and even though we argue or get on each other's nerves, I cannot imagine spending my life being annoyed by anyone else. I mean loved by anyone else. Ryan & I will probably go out to dinner, but nothing crazy, fancy or anything in between. We just have not gone grocery shopping in a while, so we simply have nothing to eat in the house. We bought cards for one another... actually we went shopping for cards together. We stood next to one another and would laugh out loud at the funny cards, then show each another. This went on for a while until finally we found cards we had to get, then proceeded to shop-- at Target. We are not exchanging gifts, we did decide to buy The Hunger Games series of books. I started reading Saturday night (could not read on Sunday, because we were in the car & I get car sick) and finished reading the first one this morning. Ryan will read book one while I move on to book two. We decided this would be our gifts for Valentine's day. We are sharing interest in the same book and it creates a date night in the future, when the movie comes out. Brilliant, I tell ya! Thanks to Niki & Kathleen for talking about it on Twitter so much. Ryan & I had wanted to read it, but knowing you two read it & loved it gave us the motivation to get to the book store.

So, today is not about being aware of how alone you are, but how loved you are, by family, friends and everything in between. Most couples I know are staying in, cooking dinner and just having a nice night without being thrown into the craziness of this holiday. So if you're single and staying in the only difference is who you are with-- so spend it with a loved one and relax. You are not defined by your status. Not today, not ever. So I hope you all have a very Happy Saint Valentine's Day surrounded by the ones you love. <3

Funny thing... (random facts that cross my mind)

I woke up this morning & random things crossed my mind, as the day went on more randomness crossed my mind. This could get scary...

I first woke up to find out my baby is hurt. We have dachshunds & they tend to have back troubles. Riley's back flairs up every once in a while... today is one of those days. I picked him up off the couch to come with me & when I went to put him down he cried, cried, cried. (*heart-breaking*) I tried to let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do that would make him comfortable, but we have people working in the basement (putting up a wall) and the banging of hammers & nails is just a little too much. Poor baby. He hid under my bed (which I can only imagine hurts him to crawl) and when I asked if he wanted to go out to go potty he just cried, cried, cried again. Ok, I may not have kids, but I love this dog more than anything in the world (yes, Ryan understands that he comes second to Riley) so it's like watching my baby suffer and there is NOTHING I can do to help him. Now we are just sitting on the couch, he won't leave my side, but if I have to get up to do anything he wants to follow me, so I guess I'm on the couch for the rest of the day.

Yesterday we went dress shopping. So the wedding dress has been on my mind all morning and it reminded me of something. Ryan & I went to meet David Tutera, event planner & magician-- making dreams come true. David was speaking at a wedding show and he was taking questions from the audience. There was this bride who asked about her Harley-chic wedding she was planning. Of course David was taken by surprise and was not quite sure how to answer it. The bride wanted to know how she could ride off on a Harley while wearing a wedding gown. David did not have an answer for her, aside from don't ride off on a Harley (God love him.) Later the bride's mother asked a question, she said how, at first, she did not support her daughter's desire for a Harley-Chic wedding but after seeing all the amazing things David Tutera can do she has supported it more. Side note, David Tutera makes those random themes come to happen by donations from vendors, but the weddings he does are easily half-a-million dollars!! He said $500,000. I don't think these Harley-Chic gals are capable of affording that amount of money in order to make this Harley theme become so chic. The mother went on to ask a question about her giving a speech at the wedding instead of the father of the bride. She also mentioned having her new husband (the bride's step father) walking the bride down the aisle. I looked at the bride who shook her head, as if to say I do not want my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. The mother of the bride seemed very determined to keep the father of the bride out of the spotlight, out of the wedding. Does she really wonder why the bride wants a Harley-Chic wedding?? In my wedding planning I have noticed everyone has an opinion, but perhaps these opinionated people should think twice before offering their opinion on things. Maybe, just because you (the MOB) don't want him (the FOB) in the wedding, maybe, just maybe, you should think about putting that drama aside for this wedding. I still wonder how she drove off on a Harley in a wedding gown???

The day progressed and I decided to hit the fridge for something to eat. I settled on string cheese and some grapes. Every single time I eat string cheese (where you peel it, string by string) I giggle to myself... My best friend Vanessa has a husband, Josh. Now Josh is a pretty smart guy, he definitely isn't lacking in common sense or education. Some how, some way he did manage to go through life without knowledge of "string" cheese. (Reminds me of an episode of How I Met Your Mother, in which all the characters have one thing they did not learn as a child which makes them slightly odd... Ted pronounces Chameleon as sham-a-lee-on, as opposed to ka-meal-yon. Lily can't throw things, she tosses the keys to hubby and they go flying through the air about 6 yards too far!) Some how Josh managed to never understand why string cheese was called string. It always strikes me as hilarious. How did you not know you PEEL it?? Ohhh boy! I'd also like to point out that this morning he tweeted #dollabillzyall and for that I would like to laugh directly in his face. Thank you.

I am sure there are some weird things that have crossed my mind today, but for the most part I am on puppy patrol & I would like to get back to the baby. So, keeping with Josh's tweet, I'd just like to say PEACE OUT YO! & good day.

The Greatest gift to YOUR child is LOVE; a parenting rant

First, let me start by saying a few things happened today that made me get irritated and therefore this is a rant. I will start at the end and work my way to the beginning of my day...

This was the last straw:
I received a text that went something like this:
"My 5yo child is not allowed to like cats. My 5yo child came home from a weekend at [the other parent's] house and told me he cannot like cats, because dogs are better. When I asked him if he did like cats my child informs me he is not allowed to like cats."
Now, I agree that dogs are better, however I fully disagree with the situation in which the parent has decided to bully the child. Bully, such a strong word over a cat/dog dispute, huh? Well, maybe not. The other parents in this situation has taken away the child's ability to think & reason for themselves and that really pisses me off. The parent also happens to be the same parent who informed the same child that the child is not allowed to like certain people, in fact the child was informed to hate certain people. This is NOT ok. Children are blank slates, they do not know hate when they are born, they are taught hate.

Side note:
I have raved about my parents in the past, but never did I realize how great they really were until I took classes for ITeRs/ECKeRs in my pre-school/child-care days. We were informed about how we needed all kinds of toys, girls, boys, every race, every culture in order to allow children to learn and think for themselves. We could not force the girls to play with dolls and the boys to play with trucks. In fact, let it be known that MANY boys would chose to play dress up in the pretty princess dresses, more often than the girls did. Back to my perfect parents. When I was little-- one, maybe two years old, I went to the store with my mom to pick out my very first Cabbage Patch kid. And wouldn't you know it.... I picked out PollyAnna, my black baby. Why? Because in my eyes my skin color was much closer to her skin color than it was to all the blond hair, blue eyed babies. I am Italian with very dark skin, dark eyes & dark hair. PollyAnna looked much more like me and that is the baby I chose. Did my mom stop me and say "no Julie, that's not the same color as you" ?? Nope. Did she say "No Julie the white baby is better" ?? Nope. Did she insist that I choose a different baby because of the way it might have made her feel?? Nope. We "adopted" PollyAnna and took her home. My mother never once said you shouldn't want this or like this. She never once shoveled hatred or was unaccepting of any one or thing. Yes, I grew up to hate cats, but that really occurred more as an adult-- when I was attacked by one, plus my allergies do not help. It was not because my mom or dad told me I had to hate them......

So why does this particular parent feel so compelled to bully their own child to hate certain things, people or places? Do you know what you get when you bully your children? You raise your child to be a bully. You raise your child to be close-minded and hateful. You raise your child to never be capable of thinking for themselves and instead to constantly give in to those who TELL them how to feel and act. Why would you want that for your child?

Ok, story number two:
This morning I was woken up around 550am. Not by my alarm, not by the tv, not by Ryan stealing the sheets.... nope. I was rudely woken up by the neighbor. The neighbor who, at 550am, thought it was the perfect time to say "Get your f*cking coat on, I will f*cking leave your @ss here, get it on now!!! Move, let's go, I will f*cking leave you. F*cking hurry up"........ I wish I was exaggerating. I truly wish I was!! I have called child protective services in the past because this same parent has screamed "I hate you" "I never wanted you" and so much worse (including calling her own child a "c0ck$ucker") but child services does not believe this is "abuse" unless it is physical. So you're telling me you can't bully other kids at school, because you might be expelled, but you can come home to your parents and be bullied by them and no one will protect you??
Why would you BULLY YOUR OWN CHILD?!?!!?

Every time you tell a child the word "hate" you are abusing their souls. "I hate your mother" "I hate you" "I hate cats".... you are feeding a child low self-esteem, abusing their minds, their hearts and you are breaking them down. You may not love your co-parent, but raising a child is not about loving your co-parent. It is about loving your child. Raising your child in love. Love them even though they might like cats more than dogs, even though they live with someone you do not like, even if you never planned to have a child-- LOVE THEM! Love them even though they make you late for work, even though you are exhausted and stressed. Love them because they look up to ALL their parents, their mothers, fathers, step-parents, grandparents and they need to know that you love them enough to accept who they are, even if you do not like where they came from, what they like or what they remind you of... they need you to be accepting of them.

More than anything, this world needs YOU-- the parent-- to parent while accepting them and loving them, because if you continue to raise children with hate or by bullying them you will continue this sad cycle of life-- where people hate others based on skin color, sexual orientation and body shape. You will continue the cycle where your child thinks it is ok to take away someone's worth simply because you disagree with them. The world needs you to love & accept everyone and let that be the lesson you teach your child. You need to choose to be positive influences not negative voices. Please remember it is not the child's fault your spouse or baby's momma/daddy left you. YOU may think you are doing the right thing, you may think you know all there is to know and that hatred is the right way, but you know nothing. Because if you knew everything then you would know the ONLY way to raise a child is in LOVE, not hate. It is not your child's fault they are in your life even if you do not want them to be. It is not your child's fault that YOU do not like certain things... let them be free to love, to accept and to be open-minded individuals. Teach them faith, hope and LOVE...

A letter from St Paul to the Corinthians:
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Ok, Ok, we surrender...

My crazy idea was simply too crazy. We did not last 3 days on the 17 day diet. We failed miserably. I blame Ryan. He texts me from work about how hungry he is, then walks in the door and mentions his starvation and need for steak (so he read my blog & now he wants a steak, ok, ok, I get it. Power of suggestion.)
So the diet ended today. We have not had soda yet, but clearly that won't last long. We need to be better about this whole moderation thing. Obviously going from over-eating delicious fatty food to over eating rabbit food isn't the best idea. "Cleansing" vegetables is disturbing by definition.

I just thought I'd let you know... we failed. However, I like to live by the thought that life is short, why be miserable, hungry & cranky while you're alive? I cannot wait to get home to my mommy & have some delicious homemade sauce... Anxiously awaiting my spaghetti sandwich! =)

A couple short updates...

This time last year I had just started my job with the Northwest Arkansas Naturals. I loved that job. I was so happy at that job. Yes, there were ups & downs, long hours, lazy college interns, farmer's tans, but I met such amazing people. I am still in contact with some of my favorite fans, season ticket holders and co-workers. I miss the activities, the running up & down the stairs (cheap workout) and the excitement of the games!! I miss meeting the fans, even miss that smelly ol' mascot Strike. To think that a year ago I was a nervous wreck, praying not to fail or embarrass myself in some way! I survived. I loved it. I desperately miss it.

Aside from being slightly homesick, missing my parents & puppies and missing the best job I ever had... I am surviving. The hardest part of surviving this week has nothing to do with anything Arkansas and everything to do with my crazy ideas.
(Back story)
Ryan has been going on & on about the weight he gained. Everything is fine, then suddenly his pants just do not seem to fit right-- did they shrink? Then came the realization that perhaps it wasn't the pants that shrunk and perhaps it just might be the Italian Beefs and french fries, drinking beers and never saying No to a big, fat juicy steak. It is bound to catch up to you, especially when you turn 30 and the metabolism dwindles down to non-existent.
[Enter Julie's Crazy Idea]
Ryan's been complaining about the few extra pounds he's been carrying around, and I, admittedly, gained a few pounds over the holidays-- as always. So being the good cheer-leading soon-to-be-wife I decided we would do a "Diet"... I personally do not care if Ryan loses the extra weight, my goal is for him to be healthy & live a LONG, HAPPY, HEALTHY life.
So we are trying an actual "diet" this week. We started the 17 Day diet. 17 days of NO CARBS, no added sugar, no fun!! I have seen enough salad in the last two days that I may swear off salads forever. I would much rather run the stairs of the stadium, join a gym (if I had a job & could afford it) or just go for nightly walks as opposed to giving up my beloved spaghetti, bread and ice cream. (Do not get me started on lack of Cherry Coke in my life right now, because I KNOW it is better that I drink water-- I enjoy water-- but I am without Cherry Coke, day 3, if a rant begins on this topic it will get ugly... FAST!)
The diet may have/might made/make us lose a few pounds, I don't know, but I know that "lean" meats and "cleansing" vegetables have very little taste and are pretty bland. I do not know why rabbits enjoy this food. I do know, however, that our landlord won't let us have a dog, so I asked Ryan if we could sneak in a bunny... now I don't just want the bunny to play with and keep as a pet, but rather to sneak all those lame foods I do not want to eat anymore.
I may be sleeping better at night. I might have better skin with all that water. I may not hate the really awesome lemon-fusing water pitcher we bought. BUT I DO NOT LIKE SALAD, YOGURT or lean poultry foods. To think back at this summer, where I lost weight, simply because of my job, all the while eating pretzels with cheese and Pepsi for dinner. I know I have said I am surviving and this isn't THAT bad, but I might've been lying. I'll let you know when the worst takes over and I start stealing little kids candy and sneaking into the kitchen at 3am for ice cream & saltine crackers.
(I'm sure there will be more on this subject soon enough.)

Wedding planning update:
All the To-Do list stuff needs to get To-Done real soon. I know I carry on about being stressed over the wedding planning, mostly because I am doing it, pretty much alone, from ten hours away, I've had issues with my dad always finding a way to make things way more difficult than necessary, a Maid of Honor who has no honor & split, and the Church... ohhhh the church! Can we get the annulment PLEASE! I would love nothing more than to have my dress and reserve the church, once those things happen I am sure I will be a much nicer person to be around-- if you bring me a Cherry Coke.

So, aside from the Diet from hell, wedding planning (still) and desperately missing my old job, there really isn't that much to say... just to keep my fans (Stelli) happy I am sure a rant will surface soon enough and I am sure it will be a doosey.

Happy Birthday Mom...

I could rave about my parents all day long. It's true that my mom & I can argue and get on each other's nerves, but it's probably because we are so much alike. And for that I am truly grateful. I love my mother for everything she is...
I won't bore you with the qualities we share, but I will tell you that my wonderful fiance likes to point out that "I see a lot of your mom in you" when her & I team up against my dad or Ryan. And the eye-rolling, glares and looks they receive, I am sure is just like mom. But my mom is so much more....

She is smart, funny, slightly dorky about things. Growing up she loved the Beatles and Elvis, she introduced me to the "oldies" station when I was growing up and we sang along to the radio every day. She embraced my obsessions, was my taxi driver and biggest cheerleader. She is full of compassion and incredibly giving. She spent most of the winter of 2010 living in Memphis, taking care of her mother. She never left Grandma's side and took care of every little thing Grandma might have needed. She had no intention of ever leaving my Grandma's side, until I called and begged her to come home-- it'd been 2 months and I needed my mommy home with me for my birthday. My mom came home for a day and a half, then returned right back to her mother's side. Unfortunately it was to say goodbye...

My mom is an amazing woman, supportive in everything she does... I love her with all my heart and I am so thankful she is here for me whenever I need her. Happy Birthday Mom!! Thanks for being amazing & awesome. I love you.

It's my birthday & I don't have to cry if I don't want to....

I have basically been dreading this day all week. Not because I am anti-birthday, or afraid of turning 31 (yep, folks, I've crossed over to the down hill slope. Ok, not really, I still have 9 years for that "hill" but still...) but because I have not been looking forward to spending my birthday without Ryan who is out of town for work, again. This all changes next week, from what I am told, but as of right now I am sitting alone on the couch watching Friends reruns on TBS. YIPPEE, it just screams excitement, doesn't it??!
I chose to wake up at a decent hour this morning, as opposed to putting off crawling out of bed after noon like I thought I would do. I text Ryan to say good morning and I was greeted with such amazing friends all wishing me a happy birthday. From text messages to facebook posts, to phone calls with grandpa singing... It was enough to warm my slightly depressed heart. Yes, I'll admit I might not have been looking forward to spending my day alone, but I LOVE BIRTHDAYS. I love ice cream cake and goofy photos, I love random people you never talk to anymore remembering you and wishing you a happy birthday. I love presents, obviously, but I just love the fact that, even if facebook reminds you in big bold letters on the side of your homepage, people go out of their way to say "happy birthday"... it is a fabulous feeling.

However, this would not be a birthday if I did not break down in tears over something. It's true, I might be emotional, I might be a dork, but I typically cry over something. Unfortunately, today, it was over a stupid phone conversation with someone I should always know better than to answer when they call. What seemed like a pretty decent "happy birthday" phone call, took a turn for the worse. I over-shared, which I know I cannot do with this particular person because they will twist my words around and make me into the bad guy. I was talking about my fiance, the man I live with and will spend the rest of my life with, as I was explaining why I am hopeful that Ryan will be transferred some day closer to my parents, where it's slightly warmer and most importantly near the greatest parents in the world, I also mentioned how Ryan & I have discussed the pros & cons of staying here in Illinois. Without over sharing with all of you --because this is about Ryan, myself and our families-- the conversation took a turn for the worst. I was informed I am too judgmental and close-minded. The caller went on to explain that this is just another example as to why I am basically crap! Most people who have known me for a while, even for just a couple months, know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, my feelings are hurt very easily and I can get offended very quickly. I do not ask them to walk on eggshells around me, but hello, it's my birthday!! The conversation with this person took a while to get me to the point of no return, perhaps from a lifetime of practice, and eventually I decided to say thank you for calling, f'off...

Here's the deal people, I realize I have wonderful people in my life, people who see me as a giving, understanding, passionate and compassionate person, but I also know that there are a few people in my life who only see me as a piece of crap, the world's worst human. It just sucks that the information has to come in the form of a "happy birthday" phone call... doesn't it?

Well, I decided enough was enough, put the tears away (thankfully a conversation with both my wonderful, amazing, fabulous parents helped put this all into perspective) and to rejoice in what amazingly wonderful friends I have.... AMAZING!!

My future sister-in-law, who always seems to take care of me in some way-- the sister I never had-- brought me COOKIE CUPCAKES. She has started her own baking business (go like her page on facebook, Sugar N Sass) and her cookie cupcakes are my favorite. I even ate two already. They have chocolate chip cookies and walnuts-- i believe-- and just a smidgen of frosting-- YUMM-O!! She personally brought it over with two more nail polishes, a base coat & a top coat, which I desperately need!! Thank you Erin, you are a fabulous "sister" and I will eat every last one of those cupcakes and paint my nails in my birthday and Christmas gifts.

Erin arrived at the house shortly after the first delivery came to the door. Beautiful flowers from my wonderful fiance'... I suppose they will have to do as a fill-in for him since he is gone. They are gorgeous, I think I snapped 100 pics of all the tiny little details. I know there are Gerbera Daisies and Tulips and spray Roses, I believe... but there is so much more in the bouquet of oranges and purples. They are beautiful. Lucky me, my fiance is amazing and I love him with all my heart.

He may not be here physically, but I never doubt his love for me or how much I love him. He's such a blessing. The flowers are gorgeous and it smell so beautiful in our house, I love, love, love them!

So, knocks at the door aside, I seem to have a record for facebook posts, I swear. While my friend/old-boss would say that all those posts "ruin" the flow of your wall, I do not believe so in the slightest. To me it is a reminder of all the great people God has blessed me with in my lifetime. Now facebook has started to "lump" those posts together, so it cleans up the "timeline" a little more, perhaps Justin will appreciate that, but lumps or not, walls or timelines I LOVE THEM ALL!! It is important for me to reply to them, because it's important to me that YOU ALL KNOW how much you brightened my day. Thank you. I also received text messages from mostly family and a couple of friends, a phone call from my dear friend and crafting/designer friend Alaina, my Grandpa-- who sang to me-- and my Dad (and the earlier phone call from the undisclosed person)... All & all I would have to say, LUCKY ME.

Lucky me that I have such great friends who are so willing to take a second of their life to wish me a happy birthday. Lucky me that I have so many great friends who have some how touched my life throughout these 31 years.

You would think the birthday wishes were enough, but top it off with a special WEDDING GIFT SURPIRSE gift from my awesome friend Kelly, who I grew up with in Minnesota. After sharing that my everyday plates were on sale at Macy's and how my little itchy fingers were aching to purchase them for myself, she decided to surprise Ryan & I by sending us our first set. I love them Kelly, so very much. And even though you meant it for an early wedding gift the arrival could not have been on a better day!! Thank you.

I thought that would be all for the day, I was ready to curl up on the couch and watch a little Jersey Shore (yes, that is my birthday wish, more guidos & GTL) but the phone rang... my future Grandma-in-law stopped by with a card & gift card for my birthday. So very sweet of her! I could not be happierwith these people who are coming into my life. I am now officially grandma-less, (almost a year to the date since my Grandma MaryLou passed away) but to have a Grandma-in-law who is so thoughtful and fun... just another blessing in my life, thanks to Ryan.
So, today, while I might've been lonely, slightly depressed, while I may have received a phone call that I could have done without... today I choose to celebrate my birthday-- I will not cry at my lack of a party, I will not cry oh no... I am blessed and so happy to have made it another year. I am thankful for the most amazing parents, the fabulous fiance and the friends & family I have that made today just a little more special. Thank you. Happy birthday, to me, indeed!!