Travel rant

Dear fellow travelers,
I have a few bones to pick with you!
1) do not, I repeat, do not eat a deli sandwich covered with onions before sitting next to me! I don't think it smells good in fresh air & I don't think it smells good in enclosed places with forced air-- you smell!!
2) don't be rude to me bc we were assigned to sit together on this plane! Mostly bc I get to airports so freaking early & check in that you could have seen I was already sitting there & changed your seat& bc you're not the queen of England & you wouldn't be riding first class (if the plane had first class)-- but I would, bc I am that important!!! So if I can grin & bear it so can you!
To the airline staff:
1) don't be rude when you ask the guy next to me to turn off his phone, you make everyone uncomfortable when you cop that attitude!
2) don't waste my time by not knowing what's going on-- freaking load the plane already & quit gossiping about your personal life-- yep, I heard them tell you plane was ready for boarding-- 20mins later I still hear you whining about your worthless spouse! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!