It's my birthday & I don't have to cry if I don't want to....

I have basically been dreading this day all week. Not because I am anti-birthday, or afraid of turning 31 (yep, folks, I've crossed over to the down hill slope. Ok, not really, I still have 9 years for that "hill" but still...) but because I have not been looking forward to spending my birthday without Ryan who is out of town for work, again. This all changes next week, from what I am told, but as of right now I am sitting alone on the couch watching Friends reruns on TBS. YIPPEE, it just screams excitement, doesn't it??!
I chose to wake up at a decent hour this morning, as opposed to putting off crawling out of bed after noon like I thought I would do. I text Ryan to say good morning and I was greeted with such amazing friends all wishing me a happy birthday. From text messages to facebook posts, to phone calls with grandpa singing... It was enough to warm my slightly depressed heart. Yes, I'll admit I might not have been looking forward to spending my day alone, but I LOVE BIRTHDAYS. I love ice cream cake and goofy photos, I love random people you never talk to anymore remembering you and wishing you a happy birthday. I love presents, obviously, but I just love the fact that, even if facebook reminds you in big bold letters on the side of your homepage, people go out of their way to say "happy birthday"... it is a fabulous feeling.

However, this would not be a birthday if I did not break down in tears over something. It's true, I might be emotional, I might be a dork, but I typically cry over something. Unfortunately, today, it was over a stupid phone conversation with someone I should always know better than to answer when they call. What seemed like a pretty decent "happy birthday" phone call, took a turn for the worse. I over-shared, which I know I cannot do with this particular person because they will twist my words around and make me into the bad guy. I was talking about my fiance, the man I live with and will spend the rest of my life with, as I was explaining why I am hopeful that Ryan will be transferred some day closer to my parents, where it's slightly warmer and most importantly near the greatest parents in the world, I also mentioned how Ryan & I have discussed the pros & cons of staying here in Illinois. Without over sharing with all of you --because this is about Ryan, myself and our families-- the conversation took a turn for the worst. I was informed I am too judgmental and close-minded. The caller went on to explain that this is just another example as to why I am basically crap! Most people who have known me for a while, even for just a couple months, know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, my feelings are hurt very easily and I can get offended very quickly. I do not ask them to walk on eggshells around me, but hello, it's my birthday!! The conversation with this person took a while to get me to the point of no return, perhaps from a lifetime of practice, and eventually I decided to say thank you for calling, f'off...

Here's the deal people, I realize I have wonderful people in my life, people who see me as a giving, understanding, passionate and compassionate person, but I also know that there are a few people in my life who only see me as a piece of crap, the world's worst human. It just sucks that the information has to come in the form of a "happy birthday" phone call... doesn't it?

Well, I decided enough was enough, put the tears away (thankfully a conversation with both my wonderful, amazing, fabulous parents helped put this all into perspective) and to rejoice in what amazingly wonderful friends I have.... AMAZING!!

My future sister-in-law, who always seems to take care of me in some way-- the sister I never had-- brought me COOKIE CUPCAKES. She has started her own baking business (go like her page on facebook, Sugar N Sass) and her cookie cupcakes are my favorite. I even ate two already. They have chocolate chip cookies and walnuts-- i believe-- and just a smidgen of frosting-- YUMM-O!! She personally brought it over with two more nail polishes, a base coat & a top coat, which I desperately need!! Thank you Erin, you are a fabulous "sister" and I will eat every last one of those cupcakes and paint my nails in my birthday and Christmas gifts.

Erin arrived at the house shortly after the first delivery came to the door. Beautiful flowers from my wonderful fiance'... I suppose they will have to do as a fill-in for him since he is gone. They are gorgeous, I think I snapped 100 pics of all the tiny little details. I know there are Gerbera Daisies and Tulips and spray Roses, I believe... but there is so much more in the bouquet of oranges and purples. They are beautiful. Lucky me, my fiance is amazing and I love him with all my heart.

He may not be here physically, but I never doubt his love for me or how much I love him. He's such a blessing. The flowers are gorgeous and it smell so beautiful in our house, I love, love, love them!

So, knocks at the door aside, I seem to have a record for facebook posts, I swear. While my friend/old-boss would say that all those posts "ruin" the flow of your wall, I do not believe so in the slightest. To me it is a reminder of all the great people God has blessed me with in my lifetime. Now facebook has started to "lump" those posts together, so it cleans up the "timeline" a little more, perhaps Justin will appreciate that, but lumps or not, walls or timelines I LOVE THEM ALL!! It is important for me to reply to them, because it's important to me that YOU ALL KNOW how much you brightened my day. Thank you. I also received text messages from mostly family and a couple of friends, a phone call from my dear friend and crafting/designer friend Alaina, my Grandpa-- who sang to me-- and my Dad (and the earlier phone call from the undisclosed person)... All & all I would have to say, LUCKY ME.

Lucky me that I have such great friends who are so willing to take a second of their life to wish me a happy birthday. Lucky me that I have so many great friends who have some how touched my life throughout these 31 years.

You would think the birthday wishes were enough, but top it off with a special WEDDING GIFT SURPIRSE gift from my awesome friend Kelly, who I grew up with in Minnesota. After sharing that my everyday plates were on sale at Macy's and how my little itchy fingers were aching to purchase them for myself, she decided to surprise Ryan & I by sending us our first set. I love them Kelly, so very much. And even though you meant it for an early wedding gift the arrival could not have been on a better day!! Thank you.

I thought that would be all for the day, I was ready to curl up on the couch and watch a little Jersey Shore (yes, that is my birthday wish, more guidos & GTL) but the phone rang... my future Grandma-in-law stopped by with a card & gift card for my birthday. So very sweet of her! I could not be happierwith these people who are coming into my life. I am now officially grandma-less, (almost a year to the date since my Grandma MaryLou passed away) but to have a Grandma-in-law who is so thoughtful and fun... just another blessing in my life, thanks to Ryan.
So, today, while I might've been lonely, slightly depressed, while I may have received a phone call that I could have done without... today I choose to celebrate my birthday-- I will not cry at my lack of a party, I will not cry oh no... I am blessed and so happy to have made it another year. I am thankful for the most amazing parents, the fabulous fiance and the friends & family I have that made today just a little more special. Thank you. Happy birthday, to me, indeed!!