It's been about 5 months since I moved to Illinois. If you have followed my blog, facebook or twitter I am sure it is of no surprise to you that I just have not been 100% happy since I've been here. I love living with Ryan, even if he's a bit of a mess or doesn't wash the dishes the exact way I would expect or leaves his whiskers in the sink after shaving-- we're working on fixing those things. However, to have dinner with him, to laugh hysterically together while watching television, to spend the entire weekend hanging out together-- it is exactly what I wanted it to be.
The problem lies in the during the week problem:
Ryan is gone all week at work. Traveling or not I spend the majority of my week days alone. I want to work, but it's really tough to find a job that makes me as happy as I was in Arkansas. I could have come up here and found (what I call) a
paycheck job-- something to keep me busy, that pays basically minimum wage and is fairly mind-numbing. That is not at all what I wanted. If you read my
blog post in October, after a couple weeks here, while I was dealing with people who told me to give it a chance, you're so spoiled, blah blah blah, you might remember me getting very defensive. It was not and is not fair for people to think they know what my struggles have been like while I live here. Ryan traveled the first 3 months I was here. Meaning he flew out Monday morning and did not return again until Friday evening. I did not have a job or activity to keep me busy during the week. I sat alone, for 3 months straight. ALONE. In a strange place. Surrounded by people that I have very little in common with and without someone to turn to, because I was ALONE!
Ryan & I discussed how things are working here. We both aren't 100% happy with our house (um, no Air Conditioning, no dishwasher, no kitchen counter/storage, and let's not forget the
neighbor from hell). The goal was for this house to be temporary. I was suppose to get a job so we could move closer to it & afford the higher rent (closer to the CITY!) I went to an interview the other day-- minimum wage, part-time, nights, weekends, days, & everything in between-- and it really got to me. I don't want to do a crap job working part-time and have that part-time include nights, weekends, overnights, etc. If I'm going to be working crazy hours why on Earth do I want to do it at a job that I can barely tolerate, when I could be doing that at a job I love... ohhh how the Naturals spoiled me. When Ryan moved to Illinois and I was working in NWA he noticed how during away games I would be sad & miss him terribly, but during homestands I was the happiest person in the world. I was busy, exhausted, but loving it. I thought that I could potentially find something similar when I moved to Illinois, but as the athletes are reporting to spring training, as the countdown to opening day has begun, I knew the likelihood of finding a baseball job was slim to none.
Recently we've been talking about everything from bills, to honeymoon, to wedding planning and even shopping. We live 5 mins from the local mall, but the nearest Old Navy, Banana Republic & Gap (Sephora, Bakers, Aldo, etc) is an hour away. (To put this into perspective for my NWA friends, this local mall here is kind of like the Frisco Station Mall in Rogers-- and the mall an hour away is like the Pinnacle Promenade.) The closest sushi is an hour away. The closest Chili's, for Pete's sake, is an hour away. Why are we living some place that has so little to offer when Ryan's job requires him to travel and I don't work near by, therefore don't need to live here... what are we doing? We discussed how, initially, when he was here and we did the long-distance thing we were only seeing each other once a month and it was draining on our relationship. We weren't happy doing long-distance, but the strain on our relationship was only temporary, because when we were together it was so much better. No, we do not want to do long-distance again. No, he does not want to stay here in this small town he grew up in. No, I don't want to be here. No, I won't
settle for a job. So what is the solution?
We discussed it, over & over & over again, for months and months. Ryan knows how much I sacrificed to move up here-- my family, my friends, my favorite job I have ever had & it just keeps coming back to finding a way to fit US with OUR dream jobs. How do we do it? How can he work, I work, & yet we can see each other at least every weekend! We both have friends in Arkansas now, my parents & puppies, who love Ryan as if he was the son they never had (*cough,cough* Just kidding brother! love ya!) Seriously though, they adore Ryan. We are planning a wedding from 10 hours away & it is very stressful, because I cannot be there (my dress came in today-- I would love to rush over & pick it up, but I cannot, therefore my mother has to & I have to sit and wait-- so not fair.)Yes, finding someone you love & can spend the rest of your life together is very important. Giving up, sacraficing, compromising, these are very important factors in making it work with someone you love... but it cannot be your entire life, entirely.
So after talking about it we decided I needed to reach out to my old bosses at the Naturals and see what I could potentially be doing out there. I expected a response like "we'll keep you in mind, but we have nothing open right now," but instead I got "we don't have exactly what you're looking for, but we definitely have something we believe you could be successful at and let us talk it over..." And before I knew it I was agreeing to a job offer and planning my move. We are still waiting to hear from Ryan's boss on how they will work with us, but I have to say yes... this may have been more exciting than saying "yes" to Ryan AND the dress. (love you honey!)
I am moving home, to NWA. I never thought I would want to live in Arkansas so much, I never thought I would be so excited to do this again, but I could not be more happy (well, until we hear from Ryan's boss)... I am actually packing up my car with all my clothes and heading down this weekend. I start on Monday! On Monday! It's what I have been wanting for 5 months, but now that it is happening it seems to be happening so fast... I am moving back to NWA and starting
the job! Thank you Lord for all the great blessings in my life!!
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| Amazing fireworks on a Friday Night at Arvest Ballpark |
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| NWA Naturals players killing time before FIRE WORKS |
