Almost 5 months...

It's been about 5 months since I moved to Illinois. If you have followed my blog, facebook or twitter I am sure it is of no surprise to you that I just have not been 100% happy since I've been here. I love living with Ryan, even if he's a bit of a mess or doesn't wash the dishes the exact way I would expect or leaves his whiskers in the sink after shaving-- we're working on fixing those things. However, to have dinner with him, to laugh hysterically together while watching television, to spend the entire weekend hanging out together-- it is exactly what I wanted it to be.

The problem lies in the during the week problem:
Ryan is gone all week at work. Traveling or not I spend the majority of my week days alone. I want to work, but it's really tough to find a job that makes me as happy as I was in Arkansas. I could have come up here and found (what I call) a paycheck job-- something to keep me busy, that pays basically minimum wage and is fairly mind-numbing. That is not at all what I wanted. If you read my blog post in October, after a couple weeks here, while I was dealing with people who told me to give it a chance, you're so spoiled, blah blah blah, you might remember me getting very defensive. It was not and is not fair for people to think they know what my struggles have been like while I live here. Ryan traveled the first 3 months I was here. Meaning he flew out Monday morning and did not return again until Friday evening. I did not have a job or activity to keep me busy during the week. I sat alone, for 3 months straight. ALONE. In a strange place. Surrounded by people that I have very little in common with and without someone to turn to, because I was ALONE!

Ryan & I discussed how things are working here. We both aren't 100% happy with our house (um, no Air Conditioning, no dishwasher, no kitchen counter/storage, and let's not forget the neighbor from hell). The goal was for this house to be temporary. I was suppose to get a job so we could move closer to it & afford the higher rent (closer to the CITY!) I went to an interview the other day-- minimum wage, part-time, nights, weekends, days, & everything in between-- and it really got to me. I don't want to do a crap job working part-time and have that part-time include nights, weekends, overnights, etc. If I'm going to be working crazy hours why on Earth do I want to do it at a job that I can barely tolerate, when I could be doing that at a job I love... ohhh how the Naturals spoiled me. When Ryan moved to Illinois and I was working in NWA he noticed how during away games I would be sad & miss him terribly, but during homestands I was the happiest person in the world. I was busy, exhausted, but loving it. I thought that I could potentially find something similar when I moved to Illinois, but as the athletes are reporting to spring training, as the countdown to opening day has begun, I knew the likelihood of finding a baseball job was slim to none.

Recently we've been talking about everything from bills, to honeymoon, to wedding planning and even shopping. We live 5 mins from the local mall, but the nearest Old Navy, Banana Republic & Gap (Sephora, Bakers, Aldo, etc) is an hour away. (To put this into perspective for my NWA friends, this local mall here is kind of like the Frisco Station Mall in Rogers-- and the mall an hour away is like the Pinnacle Promenade.) The closest sushi is an hour away. The closest Chili's, for Pete's sake, is an hour away. Why are we living some place that has so little to offer when Ryan's job requires him to travel and I don't work near by, therefore don't need to live here... what are we doing? We discussed how, initially, when he was here and we did the long-distance thing we were only seeing each other once a month and it was draining on our relationship. We weren't happy doing long-distance, but the strain on our relationship was only temporary, because when we were together it was so much better. No, we do not want to do long-distance again. No, he does not want to stay here in this small town he grew up in. No, I don't want to be here. No, I won't settle for a job. So what is the solution?

We discussed it, over & over & over again, for months and months. Ryan knows how much I sacrificed to move up here-- my family, my friends, my favorite job I have ever had & it just keeps coming back to finding a way to fit US with OUR dream jobs. How do we do it? How can he work, I work, & yet we can see each other at least every weekend! We both have friends in Arkansas now, my parents & puppies, who love Ryan as if he was the son they never had (*cough,cough* Just kidding brother! love ya!) Seriously though, they adore Ryan. We are planning a wedding from 10 hours away & it is very stressful, because I cannot be there (my dress came in today-- I would love to rush over & pick it up, but I cannot, therefore my mother has to & I have to sit and wait-- so not fair.)Yes, finding someone you love & can spend the rest of your life together is very important. Giving up, sacraficing, compromising, these are very important factors in making it work with someone you love... but it cannot be your entire life, entirely.

So after talking about it we decided I needed to reach out to my old bosses at the Naturals and see what I could potentially be doing out there. I expected a response like "we'll keep you in mind, but we have nothing open right now," but instead I got "we don't have exactly what you're looking for, but we definitely have something we believe you could be successful at and let us talk it over..." And before I knew it I was agreeing to a job offer and planning my move. We are still waiting to hear from Ryan's boss on how they will work with us, but I have to say yes... this may have been more exciting than saying "yes" to Ryan AND the dress. (love you honey!)

I am moving home, to NWA. I never thought I would want to live in Arkansas so much, I never thought I would be so excited to do this again, but I could not be more happy (well, until we hear from Ryan's boss)... I am actually packing up my car with all my clothes and heading down this weekend. I start on Monday! On Monday! It's what I have been wanting for 5 months, but now that it is happening it seems to be happening so fast... I am moving back to NWA and starting the job! Thank you Lord for all the great blessings in my life!!

Amazing fireworks on a Friday Night at Arvest Ballpark

NWA Naturals players killing time before FIRE WORKS

My Easter/Spring Wreath

I just could not find a wreath for our front door on Pinterest that I liked enough to try and make, to replace my beautiful Valentine's wreath. So my loving fiance took me to Hobby Lobby and as we walked around and noticed that the Spring/Easter stuff was on sale. I started collecting things and this is what I made:

What I used:

A SMALL Cone Shaped wreath (too big and the doors wouldn't shut)
Metal Tulips (purple polka dots on one side, lines on the other)
Cone Shapped Styrofoam (had to cut it flat for the back)
The Green "Grass" for Easter Baskets
Different color Ribbons
Pretty Easter Eggs.

We got everything from Hobby Lobby, used a bit of HOT GLUE to secure the ribbons and eggs, shoved the Tulips into the styrofoam, put the green "grass" around it to hide it, tied ribons around (the picture doesn't detail it much-- there is ribbon wrapped around the edges of the wreath and bows tied randomly in front). Then made a make-shift hook out of ribbon and hung it on the door after the glue set. It's pretty & spring-y... It may not be up to Pinterest standards, but I did it on my own while walking around Hobby Lobby. Do not forget to use your 40% off one regular priced item coupon (bring up their website on the phone when you check out, if you didn't print it out) and wait til everything else goes on sale.

I am just now starting my crafting ideas and hope I can get better as I try & try again....

Happy Saint Valentine's Day...

To all my loved ones, thank you for such a loving and blessed life. Every person who has given so much, to sacrafice for my happiness, thank you. Every person who has supported me through years of never knowing what I wanted to do, be or how to love so easily, thank you. Valentine's day is not just for couples. I hate people who think it is... I hate "Single's Awareness Day." See, I spent years alone on Valentine's day, but never sat around feeling sorry for myself. Not one Valentine's Day did I sit alone and cry. Not one Valentine's Day did I declare it to be "Single's Awareness Day" because it's not.

Valentine's Day is a holiday, perhaps slightly skewed from it's true meaning, much like Christmas has been for so many decades. No, it's not about gifts, flowers, cards... it's about love. The love you give, the love you receive, the love you have in your life. The family members who have always loved you unconditionally, the dog who loves unconditionally so much better, the friends who pick you up when you are down, the people who bring a smile to your face when you aren't sure you remember how to smile.

Today is just a day where every love you have is magnified by a trillion. Don't let the loneliness you feel outshine the beauty of what love really is, in this life, it is the only hope we have for better tomorrows. I am sure you all think "easy for her to say, she has a man." First, I do not let my status define me. Being single or coupled on this day does not make me better or worse, stronger or weaker. Secondly, sometimes I feel like that single girl, the one who watched all her friends get married, have babies, and go out on dates while I sat at home wishing I could find someone to spend those moments with... sometimes I still think of myself as the girl left behind while everyone else had all those things I dreamed of having... then I realize I have finally been blessed with a lifetime of having a Valentine to spend my days with, every day. Although that is never who I see myself as...

My Valentine, the love who somehow managed to find me in a big mess of the world, Ryan. We are exactly 200 days away from our wedding and even though we argue or get on each other's nerves, I cannot imagine spending my life being annoyed by anyone else. I mean loved by anyone else. Ryan & I will probably go out to dinner, but nothing crazy, fancy or anything in between. We just have not gone grocery shopping in a while, so we simply have nothing to eat in the house. We bought cards for one another... actually we went shopping for cards together. We stood next to one another and would laugh out loud at the funny cards, then show each another. This went on for a while until finally we found cards we had to get, then proceeded to shop-- at Target. We are not exchanging gifts, we did decide to buy The Hunger Games series of books. I started reading Saturday night (could not read on Sunday, because we were in the car & I get car sick) and finished reading the first one this morning. Ryan will read book one while I move on to book two. We decided this would be our gifts for Valentine's day. We are sharing interest in the same book and it creates a date night in the future, when the movie comes out. Brilliant, I tell ya! Thanks to Niki & Kathleen for talking about it on Twitter so much. Ryan & I had wanted to read it, but knowing you two read it & loved it gave us the motivation to get to the book store.

So, today is not about being aware of how alone you are, but how loved you are, by family, friends and everything in between. Most couples I know are staying in, cooking dinner and just having a nice night without being thrown into the craziness of this holiday. So if you're single and staying in the only difference is who you are with-- so spend it with a loved one and relax. You are not defined by your status. Not today, not ever. So I hope you all have a very Happy Saint Valentine's Day surrounded by the ones you love. <3

Funny thing... (random facts that cross my mind)

I woke up this morning & random things crossed my mind, as the day went on more randomness crossed my mind. This could get scary...

I first woke up to find out my baby is hurt. We have dachshunds & they tend to have back troubles. Riley's back flairs up every once in a while... today is one of those days. I picked him up off the couch to come with me & when I went to put him down he cried, cried, cried. (*heart-breaking*) I tried to let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do that would make him comfortable, but we have people working in the basement (putting up a wall) and the banging of hammers & nails is just a little too much. Poor baby. He hid under my bed (which I can only imagine hurts him to crawl) and when I asked if he wanted to go out to go potty he just cried, cried, cried again. Ok, I may not have kids, but I love this dog more than anything in the world (yes, Ryan understands that he comes second to Riley) so it's like watching my baby suffer and there is NOTHING I can do to help him. Now we are just sitting on the couch, he won't leave my side, but if I have to get up to do anything he wants to follow me, so I guess I'm on the couch for the rest of the day.

Yesterday we went dress shopping. So the wedding dress has been on my mind all morning and it reminded me of something. Ryan & I went to meet David Tutera, event planner & magician-- making dreams come true. David was speaking at a wedding show and he was taking questions from the audience. There was this bride who asked about her Harley-chic wedding she was planning. Of course David was taken by surprise and was not quite sure how to answer it. The bride wanted to know how she could ride off on a Harley while wearing a wedding gown. David did not have an answer for her, aside from don't ride off on a Harley (God love him.) Later the bride's mother asked a question, she said how, at first, she did not support her daughter's desire for a Harley-Chic wedding but after seeing all the amazing things David Tutera can do she has supported it more. Side note, David Tutera makes those random themes come to happen by donations from vendors, but the weddings he does are easily half-a-million dollars!! He said $500,000. I don't think these Harley-Chic gals are capable of affording that amount of money in order to make this Harley theme become so chic. The mother went on to ask a question about her giving a speech at the wedding instead of the father of the bride. She also mentioned having her new husband (the bride's step father) walking the bride down the aisle. I looked at the bride who shook her head, as if to say I do not want my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. The mother of the bride seemed very determined to keep the father of the bride out of the spotlight, out of the wedding. Does she really wonder why the bride wants a Harley-Chic wedding?? In my wedding planning I have noticed everyone has an opinion, but perhaps these opinionated people should think twice before offering their opinion on things. Maybe, just because you (the MOB) don't want him (the FOB) in the wedding, maybe, just maybe, you should think about putting that drama aside for this wedding. I still wonder how she drove off on a Harley in a wedding gown???

The day progressed and I decided to hit the fridge for something to eat. I settled on string cheese and some grapes. Every single time I eat string cheese (where you peel it, string by string) I giggle to myself... My best friend Vanessa has a husband, Josh. Now Josh is a pretty smart guy, he definitely isn't lacking in common sense or education. Some how, some way he did manage to go through life without knowledge of "string" cheese. (Reminds me of an episode of How I Met Your Mother, in which all the characters have one thing they did not learn as a child which makes them slightly odd... Ted pronounces Chameleon as sham-a-lee-on, as opposed to ka-meal-yon. Lily can't throw things, she tosses the keys to hubby and they go flying through the air about 6 yards too far!) Some how Josh managed to never understand why string cheese was called string. It always strikes me as hilarious. How did you not know you PEEL it?? Ohhh boy! I'd also like to point out that this morning he tweeted #dollabillzyall and for that I would like to laugh directly in his face. Thank you.

I am sure there are some weird things that have crossed my mind today, but for the most part I am on puppy patrol & I would like to get back to the baby. So, keeping with Josh's tweet, I'd just like to say PEACE OUT YO! & good day.