Almost 8 weeks later...

We've been through so much... a Dr's visit almost every week. Yes, we are new parents and we know nothing about some of these things (someone could have warned me how gross his umbilical cord would be when it fell off. I almost "toss my cookies") and I broke out in hives. It was so scary, but we have a healthy and happy baby.

I spent the first month of his life sleeping on the couch (mostly because I couldn't sleep in the bed, due to my incision, stitches & pain, plus the nursing every hour or so) and Conner slept in my arms. I loved it because I love the bonding and the cuddling. Rusty was not as big a fan, as I was pretty much off limits to him. My mother tried to warn me I was "spoiling" the baby by holding him ALL day, but I couldn't put him down. I was so in love!! Unfortunately this did leave me feeling drained. When people tell you the first two weeks of nursing is the toughest they are not kidding!! I felt like I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't get a minute away, I felt like I was basically constantly attached to the baby and as much as I loved most of it, it left me with a severe case of cabin fever. I just wanted to get a moment alone. 18 days later I finally got it... with an hour at the nail salon getting my toes done! When I returned home I couldn't get enough of Conner. I just missed him so much!!

Ryan has been getting better and better every day with this whole fatherhood thing. Almost 8 weeks later you almost can't tell that he had ZERO experience with children. Hard to believe he's the same guy who said to me "I'll do it, but I've never done it before and don't know how" when I asked him, in the hospital, to change Conner's diaper. After walking him through it, he has started to catch on. He looks like a natural carrying our little man around the house.

Now that Conner has gotten bigger and is awake & alert more it just kills me to see his facial expressions. Sometimes he looks EXACTLY like his father, other times I swear he's a mini-me. We are so in love with this baby it is hard to believe he's almost 8 weeks old and in just a month I will have to leave him to go back to work.

 

 

He is now sleeping in his bassinet during the night and we are capable of doing things as a family. We made a return to church for the first time as a family of 3 and while Conner did make a few things a little difficult it was nice to get back there. We will be baptizing Conner after Christmas and are so thankful that he will have the greatest Godparents ever (my college roommate/matron of honor Megan and her husband Mike.) He loves tummy time and kicking on his floor mats. He's not a fan of Rusty's kisses, but he likes to look at him. His sweet BLUE eyes follow me whenever I hand him over to someone else to hold. He loves his Nonna when she talks to him, endlessly. He gets his daddy time when Ryan returns from work and he is the sweetest baby ever.

As much as I said I never wanted to do this whole pregnancy thing again this kid might just change my mind. He melts my heart and I've never felt so happy. I could just cover him in kisses and stay with him forever. I might be a very protective mommy, but I just love him more than words could describe!! So thankful for this little man in our life!

 

Professional photos by KatieColePhotography

www.Katiecole.com

It's a .....

BOY!!! Conner James Fitzpatrick made his debut at 5:41PM on Tuesday, July 23. We are so blessed to have such a sweet, adorable son. It was quite the effort to get him here, but what a blessing he is to our family!!

We knew on Friday we would be going in for an induction on Monday evening. We were scheduled to check in at 5PM on Monday, things would be pushed bright & early on Tuesday and baby should be joining us some time Tuesday. When we arrived they started one thing to move things along. My labor & contractions started immediately and came on full force! It was scary and painful.

The contractions were coming every 3-5 minutes and getting closer together and stronger. Unfortunately my cervix & the baby were not as active. Nothing was progressing Monday, into Tuesday. I attempted to get some rest through the night, but the contractions were getting pretty painful. The doctor ordered for the meds he prescribed to kick off labor and start dilating, to be stopped, because of how quickly the contractions took off for me. Baby wasn't really enjoying the medicine anyway, as every time I would get up his (or at the time it could have been hers) heart tones would drop. Even after stopping the meds the contractions were still taking off for me and coming quickly and even more painfully. They. Were. Unstopping.

We didn't want to start the epidural too early, so they gave me pain medicine. The pain pills worked for about an hour for me. I was able to sleep for an hour, but then the contractions came back, stronger, more often!! Now baby's heart tones were dropping again with every other contraction and they didn't want to give me pain medicine anymore. It was about 5AM by this time and neither myself, nor Ryan, had gotten any sleep. Twelve hours of labor and no real progression. Lucky for me I have a very loving husband who stood by my side, holding my hand and trying to be as supportive as possible as I was brought to almost tears with every contraction.

The epidural was ordered and it took two tries due to the contractions I had consistently through the procedure. But once it was in... Hey Ladies, why would you EVER pass up an epidural? It was a life saver for me!! Unfortunately for me the procedure for the epidural was difficult. Not only did it take two tries, but the aftermath of the epidural was rough!

My blood pressure dropped. A lot! I got very nauseated, very sick, luckily I couldn't feel contractions anymore because I was passing out from the drop in BP alone. I rested, they cooled me off, I waited and finally my numbers started getting back to normal again! They waited a few more hours longer than everyone had planned to start the Pitocin, but I needed normal BP, I was not progressing without Pitocin and baby was staying "normal"... Once I was able to get my blood pressure back up I started feeling better. They decided to start the Pitocin and see what happens...

Of course the Pitocin had a side effect with baby, the heart tones were dropping again. Luckily no serious side effects for me, but we had to stop the Pitocin and get baby's heart rate back to normal. We stopped the Pitocin and they gave me oxygen again (I had been on & off oxygen for a few hours through out the night). They warned me "we may have to do a C-section if we can't keep the heart rate constant" we were going to wait until baby's heart rate remained normal before any decision, I may have just lied there and cried. Hearing baby may be in harms way, feeling sick because of your own BP and knowing you may not get to make any final decisions on your own is very overwhelming-- especially after a night of no sleep and lots of pain. Baby got back to normal, they wanted to introduce Pitocin again. Once we got up to a certain point baby reacted negatively again. We were trying to not have to do a C-section, but on & off Pitocin wasn't doing anything for me. And it certainly wasn't helping baby at all.

The back & forth felt like hours!! It was endless, I just wanted my baby out and I was exhausted. I may not have been feeling any pain, but I was so ready to get the baby out. I wanted to see him (or her) and wanted all these wires off! They monitored my blood pressure, my pulse, I had an IV, epidural and catheter. I was so over being attached to wires. The machine automatically takes your BP and it was so annoying, because if you move even a little it would have to restart. They would then come in and say they were monitoring baby's BP and there were issues. JUST GET THE BABY OUT... PLEASE!!

Around 4PM the doctor came back and we made the final decision... it had to be a C-section. I could have put it off and tried to progress, but it wasn't worth putting my baby's health in harms way. My parents arrived, my dad beat my mom here-- shocking (as my mother tells the story of the day I was born, he almost didn't make it to my delivery)! They got me all ready to go, wheeled my bed down the hall, I saw my mom in the hallway, got a kiss good luck and off I went to the surgery room. Ryan had to wait outside until they had me completely prepped-- then he came in and held my hand as I lied their shaking from being freezing cold.

We were behind the screen and of course I couldn't "feel" anything, but it felt like I was a piece of leather luggage meant to hold a couple day's worth of clothes that someone was trying to pack for a month long vacation! I really don't know how else to explain it, just pulling & tugging. It didn't hurt, but it was scary!!

I'll spare you the details, but they finally announce "BIG BABY!" and "Ryan, do you want to tell her what you have here?" Ryan peaks over the blankets and sees "it's a boy! I told you so!!!" he says! They take him out, clean him up. I can see him over in the corner with the nurses-- Ryan is still holding my hand and tears just start pouring from my eyes. I felt like I was in shock-- I didn't really feel like it was real. I didn't feel like I was there. I wanted to see my baby up close, but I was feeling very sick. They hand him over to Ryan who gets to hold him until they are ready to have him walked down to the nursery! Ryan snaps a few photos and I finally get an up close look at my baby. As I lied there getting stitched up & cleaned up they told my parents to head towards the nursery and they stood there as Ryan walks in with our big baby boy! As Ryan left the delivery room I said to him "if you drop my baby I will kill you"... or at least that's what I'm told I said-- I don't remember too much. After Ryan left the room my teeth started chattering, they stitched me together and I could hear voices. One of the Dr's kept asking for warm blankets for me, but my eyes must have been closed. I felt like I was awake, but when I finally opened my eyes the Dr said "Oh good, you're awake, I thought you were taking a nap on us!"

 

 

Our Big Boy weighed in at 9lb 8 oz & 22inches big baby boy!!

 After surgery I went back to my room to recover and we waited for Conner James to make his appearance with the family...

My blood pressure was low again and they kept a close eye on me. They brought Conner in for us to meet him but had warned me his blood sugar was low. They wanted me to nurse him often and they would keep testing his blood sugar. After every attempt nursing him they would wheel him away for a couple hours, to monitor him. They told me if his numbers didn't climb they were going to put an IV in him and have to keep him in the NICU-- ummm, my baby is a big boy and he's mine, he stays with him. They kept him, bringing him to me just to nurse, until finally he had 3 solid blood sugar numbers AND my BP balanced back out. Now we finally have a big, healthy boy, who loves to snuggle and loves to suck (his thumb & pointer finger), he has a perfectly round head (the upside to never attempting to make his way out the "normal" way) and he pushes his head back to "look" around, even if he isn't seeing anything. He came out with a very strong neck or at least a strong desire to hold his head up a lot. His little baby noises were sweet sounds to our ears and we are so blessed to have Conner James here with us!!

 

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR PRAYERS! We feel very blessed to be surrounded by such loving, caring people and to have such a sweet, big, healthy baby boy in our family!!

 

 

 

 

Time marches on...

I realize it's been quite a while since I actually sat down to write a blog. Go figure. It's baseball season and I've been a little busy. I hit the 36 week mark on June 21 and there hasn't been a moment to slow down since. We went to the Dr on June 21, just in time for him to tell us that our baby is on the bigger side. He said "the baby is measuring early, I'm going to ask for an ultrasound to see how early so we know what we'll be working with..."
Of course this is all the week of the Texas League All Star Game and guess who has a lot on her plate for that event? This girl! Everything went so well and the game was a success, but it was a lot of stress over the unknown and clearly I am not the best at dealing with the unknown. Once we got past the All Star Game festivities we were able to refocus on baby's growth and where we are now...
Well, baby is indeed measuring a week early, so as of tomorrow I am 38 weeks with a baby measuring 39 weeks! Oh, let's get this baby out. No wonder why I cannot breathe, baby is taking up A LOT of room!! Ryan & I are so excited just to meet the baby that we would like it to happen sooner than later. Plus, patience has never been my strong point!! Baby is also causing some swelling in my feet and fingers, which is why I was capable of leaving my house today without my wedding band. Don't worry, the tan-line clearly shows the mark, but with nothing shiny to show for it... Oh well, maybe the swelling will go down if I'm not wearing it.
We go to the Dr tomorrow for another check up and I am praying the words "well nothing new yet" doesn't come out of his mouth again. I would like to hear things like "well, those Braxton Hicks contractions weren't braxton hicks, you're in labor, let's go" or even "this time it appears you're dilated and effaced, so we're almost there"... something!! I am thankful every day that this summer is some how tolerable. Last summer at this time we were in a drought, it was 90-110 degrees and miserable. This year, thank you God, it has been the most pleasant summer I have experienced since I moved away from Minnesota.
Baby preparation underway, as we have 2wks to go (or less, hopefully) and it's starting to feel like our family is growing. Rusty loves his special spot in the baby's room. He gets to look out the window and see everyone walking by. The room has bedding, crib, changing table, rocking chair, and some other little items. We are no where near ready for this baby to actually move in. There is still so much we need (strollers, swing, bottles/pump supplies, clothes-- it'd help if we knew if baby was a boy or girl, but still-- and lots of blankets, burp clothes, wash clothes, etc.) but we're going with the flow. Luckily my mom lives down the road and we know she would never let baby suffer without something he or she may need, so when the time comes we should be good to go (hopefully). What exactly goes in a diaper bag though???
We put the car seat bases in the cars this week. Just in case. We want to be prepared. I packed a bag that consists of one change of clothes, but nothing else (what else do I need??). Rusty has his bag packed for a few meals, but probably not enough to actually feed him for his time at Grandma & Grandpa's house. So much to do & prepare for, but this whole working 12+ hour days for 5-8 straight days, without weekends off really does put a damper on being prepared. I guess we will deal with it all when it happens. That is so not the Julie way, but I am trying to learn to let go... HA! We see the Dr tomorrow and I am excited to hear some NEWS! Come on baby!! Help mommy out. We are ready to meet you!!

Fears, anxiety, just plain silly...

22wks + 2 days... Ever since the morning sickness became a memory & I started to feel baby kicks this pregnancy is flying by... Hard to believe it's only been a few weeks since I was hugging the trash can & telling Ryan this is it. This is our only child. Now, even though I don't sleep well, I feel more like a capable pregnant lady... I CAN do this.
Well, I can do the pregnancy at least. Still lots of anxiety about baby's arrival. I hope I can be completely honest without too much judgment...
I'm terrified about what is to come. No, not about the parenting, because I know I'll make mistakes, but I know I'll be the best mommy I can be. I know I'll love my baby to the ends of the earth... My anxiety is about actually having the baby & the time frame that comes during maternity leave. And just after. I hope other mommies & mommies-to-be can relate & I'm not alone.
Terrified of giving birth, obviously, can't be that abnormal. I mean, especially your first time around, the thought of all the pain and (to avoid being too graphic) all the icky-ness that you hear about. I can only hope that the TV shows & movies have this part wrong too. I mean they totally lied about the pregnancy part. No one ever, ever, ever told me how bad morning sickness really was or how much I would hate being pregnant for the first 16weeks.
Then comes the part about bringing baby home, alone, while getting no sleep, bleeding, hurting, trying to care for an adorable baby who has that umbilical cord still on its belly & you have to clean it. I mean it's gross & what if I do it wrong or the dog gets it, like that movie. What if we have a boy, then there's the fear that we won't clean the circumcision correctly and my baby's little friend is infected or hurts or falls off-- oh boy!!!
Then your clothes don't fit, you're sleep deprived & God knows I can count on being crazy hormonal. The idea of dealing with normal hormones alone is scary, I mean I can have meltdowns with the best of them, then there's the fear of post-partum depression. These things terrify me. I told my husband don't be offended if all I want is my Mommy. She's the only person who's seen me at my worst AND experienced child birth.
The weeks after my baby & I come home from the hospital are sure to be rough & the anxiety I have about it already makes me nervous that I will fall apart. I'm nervous that I'll feel like crap & look like it too. My clothes won't fit, my hair will fall out, I won't feel like putting on makeup or trying to look good, but people will want to visit & see our sweet, beautiful blessing. They'll want to hold him or her, spoil him or her, cuddle & love too. But I'll be the person to entertain... Do we have something besides water to offer the visitors, will they judge me because I can't shower, I don't sleep, I can't function or formulate sentences.
I am terrified about how puppy will react... To baby & visitors. I'm a nervous wreck about how people will react as they secretly judge me for being too hands on or not hands on enough. I am terrified that my child will form some crazy bond with anyone who isn't me (or Ryan). That, of course, leads me to the fears and anxieties I have about leaving my child in daycare... the separation that will probably cause me to cry daily as I walk away from my sweet baby for 8+ hours at a time.
Less than 18wks to go & the anxiety is in overload. And to think I spent all my life wanting to be a mommy & now that it's within my reach I'm in full meltdown mode.

19 Weeks & Counting

Officially 19 weeks as of today and things seem to be going so well...

My morning sickness has decreased (still having spells of being nauseated if I don't eat right or on time) and I am so thankful for that. Now the challenge has been sleep. I had continued to sleep on my belly up until a few weeks ago, because that is the most comfortable way for me to sleep. I have always slept on my tummy, since I was a baby. Well, the comfiness of it all has changed. I have attempted to sleep on my side, but I always end up on my back. After reading articles and "What to Expect When Expecting" I am now having horrifying nightmares about sleeping. In my dream I wake up on my back and immediately freak out because I obviously killed my baby... thank God it's all just a dream. I've tried everything to be comfortable and while I end up staying mostly on my side I am now experiencing back pain. Boy oh boy... I just can't win.

My skin has been a big challenge as well. I have been breaking out since November. I typically have pretty clear skin, for the most part, but in the 4 months I've known I've been pregnant my skin has not cleared up once-- I am going through puberty all over again, except worse. Even in my teenage years my skin was not this bad. One day I walked into my mom's work and she looked up from her desk and gasped, "what is wrong with your face!?!"

Thanks Mom. Luckily I have the coolest aesthetician in the world and he has been trying so hard to help me out. Hopefully this face clears up soon. I hear that all these silly hormone changes can go on for months-- including AFTER baby's arrival.

Well, that about covers the challenges... on to the good stuff. I have seen the doctor three twice so far during my pregnancy. From the first appointment until this last one (yesterday) I have maintained almost the exact same blood pressure and I have not gained any weight. I've decided this might be a really good diet plan, as I was told yesterday my baby is 8 ounces... well if the baby is 8 ounces then I must have lost 8 ounces of my own weight... right?!?! Isn't that how it works?

Yesterday we saw our baby for the first time. We had an ultrasound and everything went really well, sorta. Turns out our baby is a lot like us. The baby was snuggled in real good and was causing some issues for the technician. She was not able to see everything she necessarily wanted to see, but then again she got a lot of photos. They saw the heart, the kidneys, a leg, a hand, the face, the head... but not so much anything to tell us if baby is a boy or girl. While I've been told by many people how annoyed they would be and even my husband being a bit frustrated by not knowing... I am so excited to not know.

Initially when we discussed finding out I flat out said no. My mom & Ryan wanted to know and we talked to the doctor. They talked me into finding out because they appealed to the planner in me. How am I to plan for my baby without knowing if we're having a boy or girl!?!? The reason I didn't want to know is because I wanted to not be swayed by gender when we got the crib, the bedding, the highchair, the bouncer/swing, the stroller, the carseat, the everything else we could use if we had two or more children. Our baby will be born in July-- it'll be very warm-- what kind of clothes do I need for my baby right away? A few onsies and sleepers probably. I mean, it's not like we're going to leave the house for the first two weeks, right?! So why stress out about it all. When it comes to crib bedding the baby will just need sheets at first, although my plan is to let baby sleep in the Pack N Play (gender neutral) in our room, so we can be close if I breast feed. It sounds to me like maybe baby knew what I wanted and was being VERY cooperative for me. Of course, according to Ryan, baby & I have been talking and plotting against his wishes. Teamed up against him already. Yeah, this baby has to be a girl. Sounds a lot like my mom & I. My Dad is always in trouble when my Mom & I agree about something and he's on the outside of that discussion. He just can't win!

Our precious baby was so curled up the technician commented on how our baby was going to be "such a good cuddler!" Well, Ryan immediately said this baby was perfect for me. I have spent the last few months obsessed with cuddling our puppy Rusty! He's so sweet and so wonderful that I get so sad when I have to leave him. I text Ryan earlier in the day and said "I can't leave my puppy, he's too cuddly!!" When the tech mentioned how cuddly our baby would be Ryan had a smile on his face for a brief moment, then perhaps some panic set in. Yes honey, it will be VERY difficult for me to go back to work after spending 6-12 weeks (to be determined) at home with my baby AND my puppy, all snuggled up, all day, every day!!


Our little one was lying on the belly, pressed face first into the placenta. The tech mentioned how that couldn't be comfortable. I agree lady. But it reminded me of Ryan and his need to cover up from head to toe in blankets with his face smushed into a pillow. The baby had the hand close to the face, almost as if he or she was thinking about sucking his or her thumb, but not yet. The hand was resting, almost on the forehead, very dramatic-like. Boy or girl, it doesn't really matter, we're so happy that everything looked good and I'm doing so well so far. 21 weeks to go (hopefully less) until we see our little one!! Until then...

Our Cuddle Puppy

Our Cuddly Baby