week in review...

So as to not get so behind on my blogging, here goes a week in review.

Ryan drove me down to Arkansas, since he had to work in Kansas City for the week. I was able to put a deposit down on the flowers-- so excited, I think they will be beautiful!! I also met with my friend Alaina Carlton, who is starting a business--kinda, it's not exactly something she will make a living doing, but it is something she loves to do and is pretty talented-- Carlton Crafts. (Go "like" it on facebook. She's got fun, crafty things that she hand makes). Alaina is going to hand-make my flower girl's dress. I am so excited for it, because I think Alaina is going to successfully make my vision and it will be beautiful!! My Reagan is gorgeous, fun & sassy and this dress is totally going to fit her-- perfectly!!

I was also able to go out with a few co-workers from the Naturals to take in game 1 of the world series. After beating the crap out of Justin's arm, a few laughs, a few more beers and a WIN I had enjoyed a fairly good, relaxing and productive week in Arkansas. I went to get a mani/pedi as well, totally expensive beyond belief and not at all worth it. No more spa/salon mani/pedis. Just a nail salon works for me. thank you.

After driving back to Illinois we were exhausted and in need of some much needed beauty rest, because we had our engagement photos on Saturday. I got the name of a photographer from a friend of mine, sorority sister, Maggie. We met with the incredibly sweet photographer (Christy Tyler, christytylerphotography.com) yesterday, downtown, on the Navy Pier and we had an amazing time. She was full of compliments and I am so excited to see what happens next. We should have photos in a month-- around Thanksgiving. YAY!!

All & all, not too shabby. Ryan's watching last week's the Walking Dead because it's on tonight, before my Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion, part 2. Lazy Sunday? Yes please.

Don't Talk about MY life, because YOU don't know...

Rant of the day has absolutely 100% to do with my life, so I will say exactly what I think, without holding back...

I have become frustrated with people commenting on my life, thinking they know what I am actually going through. No, I guess you could say I have never had it "tough" or struggled through a life without 100% support of my family-- my incredible parents!! But that doesn't make my life "easy"... so don't assume you can add your two cents about how I'm just "spoiled" and if only I "knew what tough really was" and whatever else YOU think you know.
Excuse me if I'm not cheery and doing cartwheels every single day. I left behind my parents, my puppies, my friends, my job-- just to be with Ryan. Do I regret it? No. I love Ryan and I would give up everything to be with him (obviously) but that doesn't mean I have to be happy all the time. There is no place in this world that has it ALL, but think about this, my entire life was here in Arkansas, except Ryan. His entire life is in Illinois, except me. So what is one to do?? How does one fix that problem? The idea of giving up on Ryan was NEVER an option. I count my blessings everyday that I have him-- who else would love ME, for being ME!
--Without being incredibly mushy and gush about everything I love about him, let me just say I honestly believe there is someone for everyone and he balances me, embraces me, supports me and completes me. I'm lucky to have found that-- so no, I'm not letting that go and no, I do not regret letting other things go in order to keep us together.

That being said, there are things you should know about me, before you assume you know. I went to college & I studied Communication. And told every single person I met that I wanted to work in Events and planning for Nascar or Baseball. I wanted to plan things like the Cardinals Winter Warm-Up or plan meet & greets. I also wanted to help plan interaction in charity events. These were the things I said I wanted to do, the things I went to college for and got a degree in. It is what I spent 8 years after college trying to work my way into it. And then came the Naturals. Where I did community relations, planned all our interaction with the community, through donations, or appearances. I did the on-field promotions at every game. And I was sold. It was EVERYTHING I thought I wanted to do and it was everything I expected it to be. I had finally found the job I was looking for to kick start my career in the field I studied in college...
Now, can you imagine working 12 years to get somewhere, just to get there and then choosing to leave it behind??? I knew Ryan was never happy in his job in Arkansas, and I supported him following his path that could lead to his dream career. I told him to go for it, after he said he wouldn't. I sent him away with cards and emails, telling him I believed in him, and although I cried a lot when he left, I knew it was what he had to do.

I would love a job I love, not one I have to do just to get a paycheck. But coming to terms that I left behind the job I loved and now may have to settle on a paycheck job... to say it's heartbreaking would be an understatement. So if you're going to open your mouth to comment on my life, why don't you use that moment to say a prayer, that I find my career in Illinois, so Ryan & I can be together, both employed, both happy.
PS: I love baseball. I love it has a fan and as an employee. so on that note: GO CARDS!!!!

Season Wrap Up...

Ever been so incredibly excited, yet so scared? You're on the edge of all these wonderful things that are about to start in your life, but you have to leave all the wonderful things behind....

The season has come & gone. And while I will be the first to admit the 80+ hour work weeks took a toll on me-- left me exhausted and cranky-- I might miss them... a little. It is hard to believe that the first home game of the season & all the excitement and nervousness was ONLY 5 months ago and now it's officially the off season again. I cannot believe that I am on the verge of packing up all my belongings and moving far, far away from this place...

Normally, every fall, I get a little sad when baseball season ends. How will I make it to spring? When do pitchers & catchers report? UHhh, football season?! But this time, I'm leaving behind my job, my friends & my family and I am moving to Illinois. The decision was easy, but it doesn't make moving any easier. I absolutely dreaded every single day apart from Ryan when he moved, but that was short-term. Now, long-term, I am leaving behind my puppy doggies, my parents and the few good friends I have here, and headed to a place where all I have is Ryan. He's lucky I love him & love spending time with him-- or I'd be dreading ALL the time we will now share, but I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather share my everyday with... lucky me!! I guess it's a good thing I said YES!

Our wedding webpage is up: http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/JulieMaletto&RyanFitzpatrick
... and everything is falling into place. Our wedding party is complete, our reception site is reserved, Ryan's annullment is in the works and I officially scheduled our engagement photo session in Chicago-- very excited about that. (Our photographer was highly recommended by a friend, and once I contacted her I knew she was who we needed for our photos-- so sweet & incredibly talented!)

So besides wedding planning and moving.... I'm officially on the job hunt again. Searching for that career I love, this time in the Chicago-area!! So many changes, so incredibly terrified, so humble, thankful & happy!! I cannot wait to move... I think!

Late August Rant...

Letter to the Idiot in the Left lane:
Hey, you, in the left lane, going 68mph in a 70 zone. Yeah, you just putzing along like I'm the bad guy for riding your tail... I would appreciate it if you didn't play your stupid little games, that when I am FORCED to go around you in the right lane you then choose to speed up to 80mph!! Don't think it goes unnoticed that you're an idiot and you suck at driving. I hate you and everything you are, you suck at life.
Love, Julie.

I'm Happy, sorry you are not....
For those of you that truly know me... you know that I spent many years being jaded and hurt, you know that now I am very happy, and I feel so blessed!! I can tell who my true friends are, I can tell my family loves me too, because you know that after thirty (30) years of life's ups & downs Ryan & I deserve to be happy, together!! For those of you who cannot be happy for us, you can choose to find my happiness annoying and you can choose to drown your jealousy in warm beer, but I just ask that you find a way to move on in your life and find happiness for you, don't try to bring our happiness down!! We're in a good place! Good luck.

Here we are, now where do we go?

I am at the end of the road. I spent the morning cleaning out my desk. Don't worry friends, I still have a couple more weeks here, but it is just approaching so quickly. We have two more homestands: Aug 17-22 and Aug 27-Sept 2. Then IF we make it to the playoffs we might have an extra week or two of work. It hit me yesterday when I was scheduling appearances, I asked Katie "so when's our last day" to which she replied "I was going to talk to you guys about that tomorrow or Thursday"... leaving me without a definite answer of when this whole thing ends.

I knew when I was hired this was a seasonal position, of course I jumped at the chance, because in this economy you can't hold out for everything perfect. This has been a fabulous spring & summer. I would have never traded the experience and the fun I have had this season. I wish it didn't have to come to an end, but of course there is a part of me that is so happy it is going to end. I have been patiently waiting for a perfect job opportunity in Chicago (which may, suddenly, become Columbus, OH-- I can only hope...) that would rescue me from Arkansas and let me be with Ryan. He left at the end of March and obviously, if you follow me on twitter or facebook, you know how hard it has been. I honestly thought this would be a piece of cake. I was going to be so extremely busy this summer with games, appearances, etc that I wouldn't even have time to miss him. But I obviously found time, made time. While I cannot believe how quickly the season has flown by, how quickly the end of my job is approaching, it is the exact opposite when I think of how long Ryan has been in Chicago. It feels like forever since we had more than a quick weekend together.

So, I sit here, wondering if I have a job in a month, wondering if I'm suppose to be applying in Columbus or Chicago, wondering if everything will eventually work out or if I will constantly struggle through the rest of this year-- or more-- just to get to the future I have been dreaming about. You know the one.... married, babies, not living in Arkansas ... In case you're curious, why the italics around the state in which I live, it's simply because I feel it's not JUST a state, but a state of mind. We all know this place has a reputation, I will be the first to admit I was incredibly hesistant when I moved here. There are parts I have absolutely grown to love and others I could simply do without. Either way when I say Arkansas I do mean the dreadedness of all the things you hear about this place that make you want to NEVER tell anyone you once lived here-- for a long time. (I thought this was only suppose to be a year or two.... 4.5 years later.) Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad I randomly ended up in this place and I am so glad Ryan randomly ended up here too... Makes me happy. =)

That being said, though, how long do I have to wait to be employed closer to Ryan, how long til we live together and can start our family together? How long til the entire dream comes together? I'm not a patient person and the unknown keeps me from being as orgazined and planned-out as I want to be... i cannot stand the unknown. I've never been one for surprises (unless you can pull off a REAL surprise-- without me suspecting anything) and my lack of patience has certainly gotten me stressed beyond belief.

Where do I go from here? How long do I have? When does the future get to finally become the present? Do I get answers to these questions or do I continue to wonder and deal with the added stress of the unknown... of the future?