22wks + 2 days... Ever since the morning sickness became a memory & I started to feel baby kicks this pregnancy is flying by... Hard to believe it's only been a few weeks since I was hugging the trash can & telling Ryan this is it. This is our only child. Now, even though I don't sleep well, I feel more like a capable pregnant lady... I CAN do this.
Well, I can do the pregnancy at least. Still lots of anxiety about baby's arrival. I hope I can be completely honest without too much judgment...
I'm terrified about what is to come. No, not about the parenting, because I know I'll make mistakes, but I know I'll be the best mommy I can be. I know I'll love my baby to the ends of the earth... My anxiety is about actually having the baby & the time frame that comes during maternity leave. And just after. I hope other mommies & mommies-to-be can relate & I'm not alone.
Terrified of giving birth, obviously, can't be that abnormal. I mean, especially your first time around, the thought of all the pain and (to avoid being too graphic) all the icky-ness that you hear about. I can only hope that the TV shows & movies have this part wrong too. I mean they totally lied about the pregnancy part. No one ever, ever, ever told me how bad morning sickness really was or how much I would hate being pregnant for the first 16weeks.
Then comes the part about bringing baby home, alone, while getting no sleep, bleeding, hurting, trying to care for an adorable baby who has that umbilical cord still on its belly & you have to clean it. I mean it's gross & what if I do it wrong or the dog gets it, like that movie. What if we have a boy, then there's the fear that we won't clean the circumcision correctly and my baby's little friend is infected or hurts or falls off-- oh boy!!!
Then your clothes don't fit, you're sleep deprived & God knows I can count on being crazy hormonal. The idea of dealing with normal hormones alone is scary, I mean I can have meltdowns with the best of them, then there's the fear of post-partum depression. These things terrify me. I told my husband don't be offended if all I want is my Mommy. She's the only person who's seen me at my worst AND experienced child birth.
The weeks after my baby & I come home from the hospital are sure to be rough & the anxiety I have about it already makes me nervous that I will fall apart. I'm nervous that I'll feel like crap & look like it too. My clothes won't fit, my hair will fall out, I won't feel like putting on makeup or trying to look good, but people will want to visit & see our sweet, beautiful blessing. They'll want to hold him or her, spoil him or her, cuddle & love too. But I'll be the person to entertain... Do we have something besides water to offer the visitors, will they judge me because I can't shower, I don't sleep, I can't function or formulate sentences.
I am terrified about how puppy will react... To baby & visitors. I'm a nervous wreck about how people will react as they secretly judge me for being too hands on or not hands on enough. I am terrified that my child will form some crazy bond with anyone who isn't me (or Ryan). That, of course, leads me to the fears and anxieties I have about leaving my child in daycare... the separation that will probably cause me to cry daily as I walk away from my sweet baby for 8+ hours at a time.
Less than 18wks to go & the anxiety is in overload. And to think I spent all my life wanting to be a mommy & now that it's within my reach I'm in full meltdown mode.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Friday, February 22, 2013
19 Weeks & Counting
Officially 19 weeks as of today and things seem to be going so well...
My morning sickness has decreased (still having spells of being nauseated if I don't eat right or on time) and I am so thankful for that. Now the challenge has been sleep. I had continued to sleep on my belly up until a few weeks ago, because that is the most comfortable way for me to sleep. I have always slept on my tummy, since I was a baby. Well, the comfiness of it all has changed. I have attempted to sleep on my side, but I always end up on my back. After reading articles and "What to Expect When Expecting" I am now having horrifying nightmares about sleeping. In my dream I wake up on my back and immediately freak out because I obviously killed my baby... thank God it's all just a dream. I've tried everything to be comfortable and while I end up staying mostly on my side I am now experiencing back pain. Boy oh boy... I just can't win.
My skin has been a big challenge as well. I have been breaking out since November. I typically have pretty clear skin, for the most part, but in the 4 months I've known I've been pregnant my skin has not cleared up once-- I am going through puberty all over again, except worse. Even in my teenage years my skin was not this bad. One day I walked into my mom's work and she looked up from her desk and gasped, "what is wrong with your face!?!"
Thanks Mom. Luckily I have the coolest aesthetician in the world and he has been trying so hard to help me out. Hopefully this face clears up soon. I hear that all these silly hormone changes can go on for months-- including AFTER baby's arrival.
Well, that about covers the challenges... on to the good stuff. I have seen the doctor three twice so far during my pregnancy. From the first appointment until this last one (yesterday) I have maintained almost the exact same blood pressure and I have not gained any weight. I've decided this might be a really good diet plan, as I was told yesterday my baby is 8 ounces... well if the baby is 8 ounces then I must have lost 8 ounces of my own weight... right?!?! Isn't that how it works?
Yesterday we saw our baby for the first time. We had an ultrasound and everything went really well, sorta. Turns out our baby is a lot like us. The baby was snuggled in real good and was causing some issues for the technician. She was not able to see everything she necessarily wanted to see, but then again she got a lot of photos. They saw the heart, the kidneys, a leg, a hand, the face, the head... but not so much anything to tell us if baby is a boy or girl. While I've been told by many people how annoyed they would be and even my husband being a bit frustrated by not knowing... I am so excited to not know.
Initially when we discussed finding out I flat out said no. My mom & Ryan wanted to know and we talked to the doctor. They talked me into finding out because they appealed to the planner in me. How am I to plan for my baby without knowing if we're having a boy or girl!?!? The reason I didn't want to know is because I wanted to not be swayed by gender when we got the crib, the bedding, the highchair, the bouncer/swing, the stroller, the carseat, the everything else we could use if we had two or more children. Our baby will be born in July-- it'll be very warm-- what kind of clothes do I need for my baby right away? A few onsies and sleepers probably. I mean, it's not like we're going to leave the house for the first two weeks, right?! So why stress out about it all. When it comes to crib bedding the baby will just need sheets at first, although my plan is to let baby sleep in the Pack N Play (gender neutral) in our room, so we can be close if I breast feed. It sounds to me like maybe baby knew what I wanted and was being VERY cooperative for me. Of course, according to Ryan, baby & I have been talking and plotting against his wishes. Teamed up against him already. Yeah, this baby has to be a girl. Sounds a lot like my mom & I. My Dad is always in trouble when my Mom & I agree about something and he's on the outside of that discussion. He just can't win!
Our precious baby was so curled up the technician commented on how our baby was going to be "such a good cuddler!" Well, Ryan immediately said this baby was perfect for me. I have spent the last few months obsessed with cuddling our puppy Rusty! He's so sweet and so wonderful that I get so sad when I have to leave him. I text Ryan earlier in the day and said "I can't leave my puppy, he's too cuddly!!" When the tech mentioned how cuddly our baby would be Ryan had a smile on his face for a brief moment, then perhaps some panic set in. Yes honey, it will be VERY difficult for me to go back to work after spending 6-12 weeks (to be determined) at home with my baby AND my puppy, all snuggled up, all day, every day!!
Our little one was lying on the belly, pressed face first into the placenta. The tech mentioned how that couldn't be comfortable. I agree lady. But it reminded me of Ryan and his need to cover up from head to toe in blankets with his face smushed into a pillow. The baby had the hand close to the face, almost as if he or she was thinking about sucking his or her thumb, but not yet. The hand was resting, almost on the forehead, very dramatic-like. Boy or girl, it doesn't really matter, we're so happy that everything looked good and I'm doing so well so far. 21 weeks to go (hopefully less) until we see our little one!! Until then...
My morning sickness has decreased (still having spells of being nauseated if I don't eat right or on time) and I am so thankful for that. Now the challenge has been sleep. I had continued to sleep on my belly up until a few weeks ago, because that is the most comfortable way for me to sleep. I have always slept on my tummy, since I was a baby. Well, the comfiness of it all has changed. I have attempted to sleep on my side, but I always end up on my back. After reading articles and "What to Expect When Expecting" I am now having horrifying nightmares about sleeping. In my dream I wake up on my back and immediately freak out because I obviously killed my baby... thank God it's all just a dream. I've tried everything to be comfortable and while I end up staying mostly on my side I am now experiencing back pain. Boy oh boy... I just can't win.
My skin has been a big challenge as well. I have been breaking out since November. I typically have pretty clear skin, for the most part, but in the 4 months I've known I've been pregnant my skin has not cleared up once-- I am going through puberty all over again, except worse. Even in my teenage years my skin was not this bad. One day I walked into my mom's work and she looked up from her desk and gasped, "what is wrong with your face!?!"
Thanks Mom. Luckily I have the coolest aesthetician in the world and he has been trying so hard to help me out. Hopefully this face clears up soon. I hear that all these silly hormone changes can go on for months-- including AFTER baby's arrival.
Well, that about covers the challenges... on to the good stuff. I have seen the doctor three twice so far during my pregnancy. From the first appointment until this last one (yesterday) I have maintained almost the exact same blood pressure and I have not gained any weight. I've decided this might be a really good diet plan, as I was told yesterday my baby is 8 ounces... well if the baby is 8 ounces then I must have lost 8 ounces of my own weight... right?!?! Isn't that how it works?
Yesterday we saw our baby for the first time. We had an ultrasound and everything went really well, sorta. Turns out our baby is a lot like us. The baby was snuggled in real good and was causing some issues for the technician. She was not able to see everything she necessarily wanted to see, but then again she got a lot of photos. They saw the heart, the kidneys, a leg, a hand, the face, the head... but not so much anything to tell us if baby is a boy or girl. While I've been told by many people how annoyed they would be and even my husband being a bit frustrated by not knowing... I am so excited to not know.
Initially when we discussed finding out I flat out said no. My mom & Ryan wanted to know and we talked to the doctor. They talked me into finding out because they appealed to the planner in me. How am I to plan for my baby without knowing if we're having a boy or girl!?!? The reason I didn't want to know is because I wanted to not be swayed by gender when we got the crib, the bedding, the highchair, the bouncer/swing, the stroller, the carseat, the everything else we could use if we had two or more children. Our baby will be born in July-- it'll be very warm-- what kind of clothes do I need for my baby right away? A few onsies and sleepers probably. I mean, it's not like we're going to leave the house for the first two weeks, right?! So why stress out about it all. When it comes to crib bedding the baby will just need sheets at first, although my plan is to let baby sleep in the Pack N Play (gender neutral) in our room, so we can be close if I breast feed. It sounds to me like maybe baby knew what I wanted and was being VERY cooperative for me. Of course, according to Ryan, baby & I have been talking and plotting against his wishes. Teamed up against him already. Yeah, this baby has to be a girl. Sounds a lot like my mom & I. My Dad is always in trouble when my Mom & I agree about something and he's on the outside of that discussion. He just can't win!
Our precious baby was so curled up the technician commented on how our baby was going to be "such a good cuddler!" Well, Ryan immediately said this baby was perfect for me. I have spent the last few months obsessed with cuddling our puppy Rusty! He's so sweet and so wonderful that I get so sad when I have to leave him. I text Ryan earlier in the day and said "I can't leave my puppy, he's too cuddly!!" When the tech mentioned how cuddly our baby would be Ryan had a smile on his face for a brief moment, then perhaps some panic set in. Yes honey, it will be VERY difficult for me to go back to work after spending 6-12 weeks (to be determined) at home with my baby AND my puppy, all snuggled up, all day, every day!!
Our little one was lying on the belly, pressed face first into the placenta. The tech mentioned how that couldn't be comfortable. I agree lady. But it reminded me of Ryan and his need to cover up from head to toe in blankets with his face smushed into a pillow. The baby had the hand close to the face, almost as if he or she was thinking about sucking his or her thumb, but not yet. The hand was resting, almost on the forehead, very dramatic-like. Boy or girl, it doesn't really matter, we're so happy that everything looked good and I'm doing so well so far. 21 weeks to go (hopefully less) until we see our little one!! Until then...
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| Our Cuddle Puppy |
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| Our Cuddly Baby |
Thursday, January 10, 2013
January 2013 Update
Where to begin...
Today was an ordinary day. I got ready for work, Ryan had already left, and was almost ready to walk out the door-- I just needed to let Rusty outside and then kennel him for the day. Every time I have to lock that puppy up and hear him whine my heart breaks a little... OK a lot. After spending almost 2 weeks at home with him over Christmas Break I get even more heart broken about leaving him. It was so nice to spend the day with my puppy, he ate better, he slept better, he was all together a better pup!
Ryan informed me that when he got home from work Rusty met him at the door. It seems our puppy is a bit of a Houdini and has become an escape artist. We found him loose once at my parents house, but we blamed it on my dad not locking the kennel. Well fool us once shame on you, fool us twice...
I am hoping it was just luck, that he some how managed to get the one bar that slides and opens the door, but we have no idea. In fact he has been confusing us for a while, because apparently he must also hike his leg and pee OUT of the kennel every day too?? Is that possible? Lord, give us patience for this puppy, I know he just wants us to be with him all the time.
Other than our Rustini puppy, the escape artist dog, things have been progressing in a positive way. I did turn 32 years old, celebrating the birthday with dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse with my parents and Ryan. We then had DQ Ice Cream Cake-- the traditional cake for my birthday to follow. Unfortunately the morning sickness, which comes typically at night for me, kept me from enjoying my cake completely.
We then celebrated my mom's birthday, dinner at Bonefish Grill. Eating seafood has always been an issue for me, because I am not a fan of fish, but rather shrimp, crab, and lobster. Some times I will eat salmon or tuna, typically in sushi, but I have had it other ways too-- they just are not my favorite. Now that I am pregnant I have to keep my eyes open for mercury levels and be aware of what I am eating even more. Lucky for me... shrimp is on the safe list!! Dinner was delicious. My mom did not want cake, so we celebrated with more ice cream cake-- my cake was still at my parents house. This time it went down (& stayed down) a little better!!
Lot's of people have asked how am I feeling since my last blog post. All I can say is there are good days and bad days. While I don't experience nausea all day, every day, it is still there. I will be 13 weeks on Friday, we will see the doctor next Thursday, right before I turn 14 weeks. The good news is, the morning sickness should be subsiding now. We hope. Right?!?!
Not too much to report until we hear more from the doctor next week, so in the meantime, please say a prayer for the puppy, that he may learn what is right and wrong and choose right. And please pray for us-- as we obviously, desperately need patience to help Rusty learn...
Xxo
Today was an ordinary day. I got ready for work, Ryan had already left, and was almost ready to walk out the door-- I just needed to let Rusty outside and then kennel him for the day. Every time I have to lock that puppy up and hear him whine my heart breaks a little... OK a lot. After spending almost 2 weeks at home with him over Christmas Break I get even more heart broken about leaving him. It was so nice to spend the day with my puppy, he ate better, he slept better, he was all together a better pup!
Ryan informed me that when he got home from work Rusty met him at the door. It seems our puppy is a bit of a Houdini and has become an escape artist. We found him loose once at my parents house, but we blamed it on my dad not locking the kennel. Well fool us once shame on you, fool us twice...
I am hoping it was just luck, that he some how managed to get the one bar that slides and opens the door, but we have no idea. In fact he has been confusing us for a while, because apparently he must also hike his leg and pee OUT of the kennel every day too?? Is that possible? Lord, give us patience for this puppy, I know he just wants us to be with him all the time.
Other than our Rustini puppy, the escape artist dog, things have been progressing in a positive way. I did turn 32 years old, celebrating the birthday with dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse with my parents and Ryan. We then had DQ Ice Cream Cake-- the traditional cake for my birthday to follow. Unfortunately the morning sickness, which comes typically at night for me, kept me from enjoying my cake completely.
We then celebrated my mom's birthday, dinner at Bonefish Grill. Eating seafood has always been an issue for me, because I am not a fan of fish, but rather shrimp, crab, and lobster. Some times I will eat salmon or tuna, typically in sushi, but I have had it other ways too-- they just are not my favorite. Now that I am pregnant I have to keep my eyes open for mercury levels and be aware of what I am eating even more. Lucky for me... shrimp is on the safe list!! Dinner was delicious. My mom did not want cake, so we celebrated with more ice cream cake-- my cake was still at my parents house. This time it went down (& stayed down) a little better!!
Lot's of people have asked how am I feeling since my last blog post. All I can say is there are good days and bad days. While I don't experience nausea all day, every day, it is still there. I will be 13 weeks on Friday, we will see the doctor next Thursday, right before I turn 14 weeks. The good news is, the morning sickness should be subsiding now. We hope. Right?!?!
Not too much to report until we hear more from the doctor next week, so in the meantime, please say a prayer for the puppy, that he may learn what is right and wrong and choose right. And please pray for us-- as we obviously, desperately need patience to help Rusty learn...
Xxo
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
The best gift of all...
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays...
I hope this finds everyone enjoying some fun times surrounded by those you love. This year our Christmas is a bit on the quiet side, although full of insanity as we do the big move! We are officially away from apartment living, but still renting. We moved into our house with a gated-backyard and 3 bedrooms on December 22. We now have room for our little family.
This Christmas we sit around the tree at my parents house. Three puppies to fill the quiet times, although their little feet sound more like a herd of cattle instead of pitter-patter, but next year that all will change...
We are so thankful for the blessing of a new life to add to our family.
I am 10 weeks pregnant and man, to be honest, I now have so much respect for people who "keep it a secret" because I have been so sick and so exhausted every single day. Not to mention too excited to keep it a secret for very long. It has been tough, the nausea, the inability to keep my eyes open, ohh and the mood swings. I read an article in UsWeekly last week, that Megan Fox compared her pregnancy to that of Bella's from Twilight. To be honest, I am embarrassed to have anything in common with her, but that topic has been a discussion in the past. When I am on the couch crying because I just want to feel better, but can't because I just can't kick the nausea I think about that scene. I can only hope things DO get better as I have been promised, because I refuse to "toss my cookies" after every meal from now until July. Although my "morning sickness" is more nausea all the time-- all day, all night-- then actually being "sick"-- my mother informed me she experienced this for 5 months.
We met with the doctor last week and our expected due date is tentatively set for July 19, 2013. Yes, right in the middle of baseball season. We wanted to share-- it's been difficult keeping it a secret, because we are so happy and so excited. Of course we are early, still, in the pregnancy, so we do appreciate any prayers to get us through all this and to a healthy, happy baby in just over 6 months!!
Merry Christmas everyone... we cannot wait until next year when we are no longer surrounded by moving boxes on Christmas day, but rather dirty laundry, child's spit up, a few toys and a lot of love!!!
I hope this finds everyone enjoying some fun times surrounded by those you love. This year our Christmas is a bit on the quiet side, although full of insanity as we do the big move! We are officially away from apartment living, but still renting. We moved into our house with a gated-backyard and 3 bedrooms on December 22. We now have room for our little family.
This Christmas we sit around the tree at my parents house. Three puppies to fill the quiet times, although their little feet sound more like a herd of cattle instead of pitter-patter, but next year that all will change...
We are so thankful for the blessing of a new life to add to our family.
We met with the doctor last week and our expected due date is tentatively set for July 19, 2013. Yes, right in the middle of baseball season. We wanted to share-- it's been difficult keeping it a secret, because we are so happy and so excited. Of course we are early, still, in the pregnancy, so we do appreciate any prayers to get us through all this and to a healthy, happy baby in just over 6 months!!
Merry Christmas everyone... we cannot wait until next year when we are no longer surrounded by moving boxes on Christmas day, but rather dirty laundry, child's spit up, a few toys and a lot of love!!!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving...
It's the time of year again when people give thanks for all the blessings in their life. I know I am probably annoying some with my "30 Days of Thanks" on facebook, but I find it important to my life to just remember all the good things, even if I have to post them on facebook to remind myself of how great life has been to me.
Today, I am thankful for the nurse caring for my puppy-- he had to go in to be "fixed" because he was adopted from an animal shelter. It was time to "fix" him, because, quite frankly, I was tired of seeing his balls all the time. He is like an exhibitionist. Only sleeping on his back, for the whole world to see... sorry Rusty buddy-- put some pants on, cover that up! We hope that this will also settle him a little bit-- maybe make going out to potty a little less about peeing on every rock, bush, tree or house corner (luckily outside, not inside) all the time and a little more about doing your business and coming back in.
We are so thankful for our little family, our little Rusty-pup who brings us so much joy. It's always entertaining to see him chasing his tail, running laps around the living room or just cuddled up with us on the couch. I took Wednesday off from work so I could spend the day cuddled up with him, enjoying some relaxation and letting him rest up. Thursday we will head over to my parents' house for Thanksgiving & maybe Reggie & Riley will like him a lot more (since he'll be on a painkiller and slightly drowsy!)
We are looking forward to the holiday season, probably more this year than any other year before... I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving and wonderful time with your family. Please remember if you're out shopping to relax, be safe and be thankful...
Today, I am thankful for the nurse caring for my puppy-- he had to go in to be "fixed" because he was adopted from an animal shelter. It was time to "fix" him, because, quite frankly, I was tired of seeing his balls all the time. He is like an exhibitionist. Only sleeping on his back, for the whole world to see... sorry Rusty buddy-- put some pants on, cover that up! We hope that this will also settle him a little bit-- maybe make going out to potty a little less about peeing on every rock, bush, tree or house corner (luckily outside, not inside) all the time and a little more about doing your business and coming back in.
We are so thankful for our little family, our little Rusty-pup who brings us so much joy. It's always entertaining to see him chasing his tail, running laps around the living room or just cuddled up with us on the couch. I took Wednesday off from work so I could spend the day cuddled up with him, enjoying some relaxation and letting him rest up. Thursday we will head over to my parents' house for Thanksgiving & maybe Reggie & Riley will like him a lot more (since he'll be on a painkiller and slightly drowsy!)
We are looking forward to the holiday season, probably more this year than any other year before... I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving and wonderful time with your family. Please remember if you're out shopping to relax, be safe and be thankful...
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
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