No one ever knows exactly what your life is like-- no one knows everything about you. I shouldn't be surprised when people assume they have any idea what you're going through, what you've been through and what life is like for you and they make judgements about you. The fact of the matter is... while I tend to be an open book and perhaps over-share my life... no one knows the whole picture.
I do not answer to you. I answer to my family and my God. I do not need your approval, for I know that I live my life in a way that when I die I will not be ashamed! I have worked hard for my career and for my heart-- I never regret where I have been and where I know I am going. I believe in fate, destiny and a God that knows more than I ever will, and because of that I trust the path I am on to lead me to where I need to be.
Good luck to you in your life.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
I'm a little me & a lot of crazy...
For a little over a week I have been straddling the fine line between the moment that is going to make me burst into tears or go off on the first person that crosses my path. I have attempted to hold it together, for the most part, and I've dealt with a few things that seem to be a test.
I survived opening day, a couple homestands and started to get a few things under control at work-- then surprise! Work became a little more complicated. I think I could manage this if that is all there was to it. I mean everyone has work stress and not everyone flies off the handle at a moment's notice or cries in the boss's office over a sarcastic comment... so there must be more.
Trying desperately to get control of this wedding planning. Every single time I feel like I make headway I am met with the feeling that I might be letting something else slip right through. Will I be able to follow up, confirm and plan this wedding with no help? If I ask for my parent's help I am met with their opinions and the stress of dealing with explaining my dreams to them. It's heartbreaking and frustrating. Ok, so stress at work and in wedding planning... still, I should be able to make it through reading an email without wanting to strangle someone or cry at my desk uncontrollably. So what else is it?
Oh, so about getting a good night's sleep, there's the little problem that 1) I don't get home til late and 2)When I get a chance to sleep I wake up from stress-induced nightmares. Yes, I have not had an official break from work in over 2 weeks yet, I realize that is part of the job, but I desperately want sleep (hence the 8pm bedtime for me tonight!!), no not want, but need sleep! So lack of sleep would definitely change my ability to rationally deal with people, but....
Ryan. Ugh! I could use a hug. The arms of my fiance wrapped around me assuring me that I will survive this and I will be ok... but no. Not going to go three weeks apart again, because we know that it tests me, it breaks me, and I'm miserable... and yet, this is week three. I just want some quality time with my love, without feeling like I am asking for the world to stop spinning. My requests are outrageous and totally inappropriate, right? I just want quality Julie & Ryan time, time with the love of my life who makes me happy and a little less crazy.
I apologize to anyone who has had the wrath of Julie unleashed on them... and for anyone who has asked me the simplest of all questions and was met with a waterfall of tears. I promise I will be ok, I am just a little me and a lot of crazy.
I guess you could say there is a lot of things that might make me feel this way and a lot of things that could be fixed just to help make me more me, but it's a tough and long road ahead of me, just to get me to a day that does not result in emotional meltdowns are terrorizing anyone who might look at me wrong-- but I'd like to start with the hardest one to fix...
Prayers that Ryan gets a job sooner than later, ohhh and that some amazing wedding planner can just come take over for me so that I can get a little stress relief. Plus peace & quiet tonight, so I can sleep a solid 11 hours before work tomorrow. That's all. Thanks.
I survived opening day, a couple homestands and started to get a few things under control at work-- then surprise! Work became a little more complicated. I think I could manage this if that is all there was to it. I mean everyone has work stress and not everyone flies off the handle at a moment's notice or cries in the boss's office over a sarcastic comment... so there must be more.
Trying desperately to get control of this wedding planning. Every single time I feel like I make headway I am met with the feeling that I might be letting something else slip right through. Will I be able to follow up, confirm and plan this wedding with no help? If I ask for my parent's help I am met with their opinions and the stress of dealing with explaining my dreams to them. It's heartbreaking and frustrating. Ok, so stress at work and in wedding planning... still, I should be able to make it through reading an email without wanting to strangle someone or cry at my desk uncontrollably. So what else is it?
Oh, so about getting a good night's sleep, there's the little problem that 1) I don't get home til late and 2)When I get a chance to sleep I wake up from stress-induced nightmares. Yes, I have not had an official break from work in over 2 weeks yet, I realize that is part of the job, but I desperately want sleep (hence the 8pm bedtime for me tonight!!), no not want, but need sleep! So lack of sleep would definitely change my ability to rationally deal with people, but....
Ryan. Ugh! I could use a hug. The arms of my fiance wrapped around me assuring me that I will survive this and I will be ok... but no. Not going to go three weeks apart again, because we know that it tests me, it breaks me, and I'm miserable... and yet, this is week three. I just want some quality time with my love, without feeling like I am asking for the world to stop spinning. My requests are outrageous and totally inappropriate, right? I just want quality Julie & Ryan time, time with the love of my life who makes me happy and a little less crazy.
I apologize to anyone who has had the wrath of Julie unleashed on them... and for anyone who has asked me the simplest of all questions and was met with a waterfall of tears. I promise I will be ok, I am just a little me and a lot of crazy.
I guess you could say there is a lot of things that might make me feel this way and a lot of things that could be fixed just to help make me more me, but it's a tough and long road ahead of me, just to get me to a day that does not result in emotional meltdowns are terrorizing anyone who might look at me wrong-- but I'd like to start with the hardest one to fix...
Prayers that Ryan gets a job sooner than later, ohhh and that some amazing wedding planner can just come take over for me so that I can get a little stress relief. Plus peace & quiet tonight, so I can sleep a solid 11 hours before work tomorrow. That's all. Thanks.
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